Mirror on depression.

I've been watching this thing about Stephen Fry and depression. Its rather scary because so much of it sounds too familiar. I think I'll pass on any kind of diagnosis thanks. If I am slightly mad or depressed its not going to help much to know for definate.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers, I'll just plod on. I dont think I've ever really been normal, I've always known I was a bit weird even as a child. After all its not really normal to write stories where you as the main character dont overcome whatever obstacle is thrown at you & succeed but instead die horribly in many varying ways. Thats not remotely normal, or healthy I guess. And I can recognise that fact so I know I dont need help.

I also guess my issues with crowds & social events & socialising in general are related to that, its easy to be out & relaxed under the influence of drink but painfully tough when stone cold sober and free to roam my own mind which can be a scary place to be allowed to roam unhindered inside. I try to be creative but I think I burnt myself out 15 years ago, writing stuff every day or even several things a day took it out of me. Now I struggle to even finish a review.

I'm not even sure why I wrote this, if it helps someone else I guess it was useful. It wasn't as theraputic for me as I thought it'd be. I still feel the same.