Movie Review - King Kong (remake)

I watched & wondered when I was going to see Kong? 1 hour 7 minutes & 20 seconds, we finally see him. They are in New York & on the boat far too long. We should be seeing him about 20 minutes into the film. Jack Black plays OK, but I still wondered about the point of setting the film in the 1930's. There are no real big names in this film, it's sold purely on Peter Jackson directs King Kong! I also wondered how Kong was able to knuckle along the ground and not smash the lead actress into the ground many times over.

Andy Serkis plays yet another Peter Jackson CGI monster. The whole "Big Footprint"? done to death in Godzilla. The dinosaurs grazing, very Ray Harryhausen. Is that the kid who plays Billy Elliot as Jimmy? Oh & the two guys would have been crushed by the stampeding Brontosaurs.
The guy hiding getting drooled on? Done in all the Alien movies. Big Dinosaurs being hunted by small dinosaurs? Jurassic Park films, thanks, been done to death. Only 4 people got killed during the Brontosaur stampede? Unlikely if you re-watch the scene, if you can bear to.

Is the lead actress trying to get Kong to kill/eat her? All the jumping up at him, stupid thing to do. Humanising Kong and having him laugh? Just childish if you want us to believe that. Kong is suddenly a master of pratfalls and knockdown comedy? Really, does he get to the cinema much? I doubt it. And the actress didn't laugh at Kong when he gets hit in the back of the head by the boulder? How come, that's the funniest thing in the film by far. High comedy indeed compared to Kong's Buster Keaton routine with the her.

Then we get big Lizards. Good Lord man we just had Dinosaurs, like Lizards are going to impress us more? Oh and why would a T-rex hunt a women if it has a just killed lizard in it's mouth? Peter, look and then THINK, Please? Let's cram in as many monsters as we can, yes? And Kong fights the T-Rex. Kong versus 3 T-Rex? One handed as well! No, he's dead, film over. Let's go home, and stop being silly. The tree roots hold Kong AND a T-Rex? Being silly again. Our lead actress escapes death many unlikely times in that sequence, too much belief to suspend there I feel.

Kong almost acts angry when the final T-Rex "threatens" the lead actress. He then goes off leaving her, isn't this an excellent opportunity to escape you silly cow? The night spiders look very familiar from Doom 3. I'd have built a fire by that point, to stay safe. Most creatures fear fire, regardless of their size. Andy Serkis dies well though. And how Jimmy doesn't shoot Driscoll with his eyes shut? You can totally tell the lead actress isn't juggling, those are digital shots. From the bones we see Kong clearly isn't the first big ape of his kind. And the whole "rescue the girl from the sleeping giant" does that sound new? I'm sure it's been done.

Then we get Kong versus big bats. Gosh. I was amazed 1 bat could carry Driscoll & the girl for that long before it dropped them, Into the water luckily for them. Considering the cliff they were on was over the sea, when they fell they were really near land. A bit too near. The chloroforming of Kong. There weren't enough men left alive from the boat to capture him. And the bottle of chloroform, was there no wind? It would have knocked the humans out. So Kong kills more men from the boat. Twice in 2 different shots the rowing boat with the captain in seemed to rowing toward Kong. Did the bottle of chloroform to the eyes not blind Kong, if not how? But then with only 1 rowing boat how did they get Kong on the ship?

That query is nicely ignored, we jump right back to old New York and Kong shown on stage, just like the original. Again the film is dragged out here showing Driscoll watching his comedy play. Why we didn't just cut right to Kong on stage I don't know. The film is already way too long by an hour. We finally reach the Beauty tamed the Beast sequence. Kong seems doped from chloroform. Driscoll in the audience almost seems to have empathy with Kong, their facial expressions seem to mirror one another. The lead female is shown as a chorus girl is a different production somewhere else in the city.

Of course Kong escapes his chains and you all know where this is going next. Via Times Square and Central Park with a moment of light relief before the Army attack and Kong gets to The Empire State Building really quickly. (By the way, the spire is missing!). Of course the bi-planes come and shoot Kong off the building. Making no effort to not hit the girl. This sequence is way too long as well. The big emotive Kong dies is way over the top. And Kong didn't kill anyone as he fell? This film needs re-cutting to pace it better. (Especially at 2 hours 50 minutes) And some fresh ideas.