My TNA Monthly Catch-up, Aug - Sep 07

Before I start this months catch-up I just want to say to Greg "I dont watch this show but I f**king hate it with no justifiable bias at all" Zoidberg, THIS is how you come up with a review of a wrestling show. You actually watch it. And just for you Greg this month I'll be doing an Abyss Watch of exactly how much on-screen (Wrestling ONLY!) time per show Abyss gets to prove how right or wrong you are. Oh and the announcers SHOUT because they don't wear headphones so they can't tell how loud they are because they're trying call the action over the crowd noise right behind them, ok? They also don't use the sports-style directional mikes which can be spoken directly into and blot outside noise out.
I call it how I see it, I talk about what I feel is relevant so don't expect to read much about that t**t Pacman (AKA T**tman) Jones.

Impact 16th Aug 07 - Show starts with T**tman Jones boring us on the mic.

#1 Contender for the X-Division Championship - Chris Daniels vs Jay Lethal. In a match that was mostly Chris Daniels kicking Lethal's ass, Lethal really needs to rethink this lame gimmick that was shit when it was announced. Daniels sold like a bastard to put Lethal over and his previous heel turn seems to have died off. Lethal got the very undeserved win in a push over talent that's far better than he'll ever be.

Cornette making Team T**tman Tag contenders from no-where? Ok, they've been doing this a lot recently and this is now the 4th or 5th time a team that weren't even contenders were put up for the belt.

1st blood #1 contender match for the Heavyweight title. Christian Cage vs Abyss. The opening was mainly Abyss on top but Abyss punching the chair into Cages face genuinely did hurt Abyss's hand. Joe helped Abyss out removing a barbed wire baseball bat that AJ Styles had tossed in. Abyss got the win after cutting opening Cage with a chair. Total Abyss Air Time? 7 mins 2 seconds

Impact 23rd Aug 07 - Mixed Tag Match - Robert Roode & Miss Brooks vs Kaz & Gail Kim. Kaz in another match to further his face push. Kaz is a good worker and has some excellent moves and can not only carry a match he can sell one too. This was mainly Kaz & Roode, Brooks & Kim were in the ring for all of 2 minutes, Kim took the win but Brooks is improving well in the run up to the womens division being formed.

Ron Killings vs Eric Young. Young's dumb & innocent character is now getting very old having been carried over from his Team Canada days and he's well overdue a heel turn or new persona. This match was mainly Killings doing a good job of a bad match Young actually used to be a decent worker and seems to have forgotten a lot about how to wrestle. Killings got the win in his move to heel and Team T**tman rip-off the old NWO black & white with the spray paint.

Handicap Match - The Steiners vs Kurt Angle. This should have been a decent match with a combo of strength & technical wrestling but it wasn't. It was a mainly strength event with Scott still not yet having found his full fitness after his surgery. Angle got the win after Team 3d did a run-in to assist Angle and get revenge on The Steiners. Total Abyss Air Time? None apart from a James Mitchell video insert.

Impact 30th Aug 07 - Tag Match - Team 3d vs Chris Sabin & Alex Shelley (I refuse to recognize their official team name). Scott Steiner came in to take on both of Team 3d and this is yet another attempt to push The Steiners as faces despite the fact that Scott has always been a heel in TNA until recently. I must congratulate Scott Steiner on his amazing acting and his ability to sell the trachea injury. The match never happened.

Shelley & Sabin still wanted a match and invited anyone to come out.

VKM Vs Chris Sabin & Alex Shelley - Kip was wearing yet ANOTHER one of his old Mr Ass outfits Sabin & Shelley gave an excellent display of themselves before BG got a the pin. Kip then invites anyone out to fight them.

VKM vs LAX vs XXX vs Eric Young & Sharkboy. This match just WOULD NOT happen in WWE, it's too tightly controlled. Unfortunately it wasn't a match we were destined to see as they were too concerned about the Kurt Angle storyline, someone in TNA needs to be fired for that. When they favour a b**ls**t storyline over an really good wrestling match? F**kwits!

4 way match to determine Kurt Angle's tag partner. Christian Cage vs AJ Styles vs Samoa Joe vs Sting - This is a 4 way that wouldn't have been out of place in a PPV and here are TNA giving it away for free! Styles & Cage were always going to work together in this match and mostly did, Cage is sticking with the cowardly heel persona still which is getting old (but then the face persona wasn't believable either). Joe made a great pele on Styles (incredible agility for a big guy), Styles put a wicked aerial inverted DDT on Joe from the top rope. Styles & Cage gave nice series of holds & pins to give Sting & Joe a breather. Styles made a wicked standing pele on Sting. If TNA are going to do a 2 hour show then they truly need to fix when they go to a break as they had 3 commercial breaks during this match! Is the American attention span genuinely that short? Sting was put down by intereference from Tomko as per usual. Sting got the win from the scorpion deathlock on Styles and becomes Kurt Angle's tag partner and half of the tag team champions. Total Abyss Air Time? None at all.

Impact 6th Sept 07 - Kaz vs Tomko. Tomko isn't much of a worker and Kaz really carried him well in this match. Kaz made Tomko look a lot better than he is, selling a lot that he really didn't have to. Tomko got the pin off the tree slam, Kaz putting him over very well.

Raven vs Samoa Joe.A pretty short match with a few interferences by AJ Styles, Joe got the win off the rear naked choke hold. I assume the 2 Samoans that came to help Joe were jobbers.

Jay Lethal & Abyss vs Sting & Kurt Angle. In a non-title match to get these 2 guys warmed up for Hard Justice, Angle & Sting got their 1st run together. Sting sold well for Lethal in the initial tie up. Abyss wanted Angle, Sting tagged him in. Angle sold well for Abyss who was using a more technical style as opposed to his usual power style. In places this match was a touch on the slow side. Abyss was being put over well by Sting & Angle (ahead of the James Mitchell & new protege comeback to set him as a face there, I assume). Abyss made the win for his team with a well done Black Hole Slam which Angle sold well. Total Abyss Air Time? 12 mins 3 seconds in an really good evenly fought match.

No Surrender PPV 07 - Tag Team Championship. Team T**tman vs Sting & Angle. Angle in his 1st of 3 matches tonight. I know Killings wanted a push but this match was realistically going to be a handicap match for him as T**tman was never going to get in the ring to fight. T**tman wouldn't tag in earning himself some cheap (and s**t) heat. T**tman actually jumped off the apron and suckered Angle into chasing him for Killings to take him out. T**tman eventually did tag in after Angle olympic-slammed Sting, thinking he'd slapped Karen Angle and T**tC**pMan got the pin without doing anything for his team and Team T**tS**tC**pMan win the belts.

James Storm vs Rhyno - With Rhyno having been out since the last PPV (btw, how the hell did he get a PPV match without ever having fought in the previous month? How did he earn this?) he came straight back into this trainwreck of a match. Before the bell even rang they were in the crowd a good 5 mins plus, including a nice slam by Storm putting Rhyno on the entrance ramp. And with about 8 mins having passed from entering the arena the bell finally went. This match was mainly James Storm with Rhyno taking a lot of punishment. Storm pulled a nice superplex, missed a superkick, Rhyno got the win from the Gore.

Robert Roode vs Kaz - They've been playing out a storyline recently with people coming to defend Miss Brooks so this is looked like it might be a conclusion to that. Roode has never really used his ability in 1-1 contests and Kaz is a very good singles worker and put Roode over well whilst showing his own abilities. This looks to be a precursor to pushing Kaz for one of the main belts with Miss Brooks as his manager. The suplex where both men went over the top rope to the floor was pretty cool. Kaz made a nice enziguri and both men put several good series of moves together. Kaz made a great flying overhead dive onto Roode outside the ring and Roode was putting Kaz over like no tomorrow. Kaz hit a great slingshot DDT and nailed a wicked mad reverse piledriver (WAY oversold by the colour guys, btw). Roode sold a top rope faceplant well, and Roode took the win from The Payoff after Kaz missed a top rope legdrop. Very good match!

X-Divsion Championship - Jay Lethal vs Kurt Angle appearing in his 2nd of 3 matches tonight, Kevin Nash told Lethal to lie down in an interview before the match started. I couldn't see that happening to be honest. Angle decided to take the technical and slow route to the win here, not wanting to tire himself out before the main event with Abyss. Lethal was outclassed by the heavier, bigger and better talented veteran Angle. Lethal should been using speed and agility but Angle stopped him doing that by taking him down and keeping him on the mat. This match turned around 3 times with neither guy on top but Lethal took the eventual win after turning around the ankle lock into a small package.

1 Fall No DQ match - Chris Harris vs Black Reign (AKA Dustin Rhodes). This was the rubber match from the last PPV and Harris kicked it off before the bell with a huge crossbody block off the top rope onto Rhodes who was still on the floor outside the ring. In a costume that makes him look like a cross between an evil Zebra and a Satanic Badger, Black Reign is clearly enjoying this new persona. Harris used a nice classic Rhodes style bulldog on Black Reign. The ref blocked the use of the weapon by Rhodes (why? this was no DQ so anything was legal) and Harris got the pin from that.

10 Team Tag Team Golden Match (over the top elimination), a wrestler enters every minute. AJ Styles & Chris Daniels kicking things off for their respective teams. Next in was Homicide for LAX. Next in was Chris Sabin. Next in was Havoc for Seratonin. Homicide was eliminated by Daniels off a back body drop. Next in was Petey Williams. Styles eliminated Sabin. Next in was Brother Devon. Next in was Jimmy Ray (apparently returning to TNA but I've never heard of the f**ker!). Next in was Brother Ray for Team 3d, Devon eliminated Havoc (who'd literally only just stood up from the effects of the Canadian Destroyer from Petey Williams when he entered!), Styles made a great pele on Brother Ray!. Next in was Raven who was eliminated by Devon and the was the end of Team Seratonin and their bid to win. Next in was Shark Boy who was eliminated by Brother Ray, and next in was Sonjay Dutt. I am seriously hating his guru gimmick, he is far too talented to be used like that. Devon eliminated Jimmy Ray and Brother Ray eliminated Petey Williams. Next in was BG James for The VKM. Next in was Hernandez for LAX. Next in was Tomko joining his team mate Styles. Brother Ray eliminated Devon (by accident, aiming for Tomko) and then Tomko eliminated Brother Ray ending Team 3d's hopes.

In next was Elix Skipper joining his team mate Daniels. Next in was Alex Shelley and he eliminated BG James, and then in next was Lance Hoyt who eliminated Elix Skipper. In next was Kip James eliminating Sonjay Dutt ending his teams hopes, and the final man in was Eric Young having earnt the final spot in an on the road show prior to the PPV. Tomko eliminated Hernandez who had been fighting with him pretty much since they both got in there only to be eliminated by Eric Young as he was leaning over the ropes! Kip James eliminated Lance Hoyt with a neat drop kick only to be eliminated by Chris Daniels who also eliminated himself as they both went over the top rope and off the apron onto the floor together, Eric Young being eliminated by Alex Shelley & AJ Styles working together. Then their partners rejoined them and this became a standard tag match so back came Chris Sabin to join Alex Shelley and Tomko to join AJ Styles. Shelley & Sabin put together a group of very fast moves against Tomko double teaming him a lot. Styles nailed Sabin with a wicked standing overhead pele (he can't half do that move when it counts!). Styles took the pin after series of reversed small packages with the help of a handfull of trunks, meaning he and Tomko become the #1 contenders for the tag belts.
A seriously high quality match.

Grudge Match - Christian Cage vs Samoa Joe. Is it just me or is the title "Instant Classic" an oxymoron? This wasn't going to be a pretty match after Cage and his posse had abused Joe's Samoan Dancers who had tried to come to Joe's aid last week. Joe gave a lot more to this match than Cage did. Cage gave a so-so performance, I don't think he worked hard to earn his wages here The middle section of this match was unremarkable with Cage's 2nd wind, the weird reversed DDT by Cage on Joe off the top rope was Cage's best move of the whole match. Query, why did the ref push Cage's feet off the ropes instead of making Joe break the hold? Joe knocked out the ref which got him a DQ and he gave a kicking to some jobbers dressed as security. Matt Morgan finally stopped Joe taking it out on Cage. Expect Cornette to suspend Joe for at least 2 months for this one (no doubt he's got some indy work he needed the time off for).

World Heavyweight Championship - Abyss vs Kurt Angle in his 3rd and final match of the night. Having already lost 2 titles this wasn't looking good for Angle. He did bring his Japanese belt to the ring again so he was at least going to leave this match with 1 title. Hebner said there would be no interference (did anyone bother to tell James Mitchell that?). This wasn't elegant or well put together and neither man carried the other or put the other over very well. I got VERY bored watching this match, I don't take either of these 2 guys seriously as a well matched pair for competing but Angle did start to pull a few moves in the later part of the match. At more than 17 mins into the match I was amazed by this time that James Mitchell hadn't shown yet.

Angle hit a nice and very long moonsault to take the upper hand again. Abyss was doing a good job of selling Angle and pulled that Black Hole Slam out of no-where. Angle took the eventual win after the ankle lock had been on for several minutes. One of TNA's best PPV's this year.

And At NO POINT during this PPV was either announcer shouting. Total Abyss Air Time? 25 mins 20 seconds