WWE Friday Night SmackDown International 30th Jan 09 reviewed

Well I found this weeks Smackdown and having already reviewed RAW & ECW this week I thought what the hell and decided to give it a go, it can't be any worse than they were.

This weeks show starts by recapping Edge vs Jeff Hardy without showing ANY action what so ever. Matt Hardy wastes around 8 minutes so the show has already been going for 12 minutes before we get to our 1st match.

Jimmy Wang Yang vs Umaga - dull and boring. Umaga was more entertaining in his 3 Minute Warning days and Yang is a much better wrestler than he showed here, sad that he had to job in just under 2 minutes and it goes to show you can have a short match that is also rubbish.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match - Mark Henry Vs The Undertaker. It seems their STILL calling Mark Henry "The Worlds Strongest Man"? I think 5 time holder Mariusz Pudzianowski might have something to say about that, its a good job he retired after winning last year and doesn't speak very good English as he always struck me as the kind of chap to get very angry about someone claiming to hold his title. Holding a Bench Press record doesn't equal Worlds Strongest Man (which Henry has never taken part in, let alone won) so I get quite annoyed when anyone incorrectly refers to him as such. A pretty average match, Undertaker took the win by making Henry tap out of a submission hold in just over 5 minutes.

Edge & Vickie bore us on the mic and waste around 5 minutes of air time before The Big Show comes down and I'm not sure if TNA are copying WWE or vice versa with their Superstar video packages after various items.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match - Festus vs The Big Show. Show wasn't sure how to deal with Festus but hit a nice DDT straight off, Festus made nice modified DDT of his own off the top turnbuckle and it was nice to see Show selling it. Festus ended up on his face after struggling out of an attempted Jack Knife Powerbomb by Show who took the eventual win off a punch (Aren't closed fist punches supposed to be banned?) in about 2 minutes 30. Not a bad match from the 2 big guys, decent camera work sold the punch though.

Video package for HHH.

Triple threat Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match - Triple H vs The Great Khali vs Vladimir Kozlov. I assume they made a triple threat match as Smackdown had an odd number of contestants for the Elimination Chamber Qualifiers. This one was never going to be much to watch as Kozlov is about as interesting as wet paint, Khali hasn't got an ounce of talent and poor old Trips was going to have to carry them both. Kozlov made a pretty crappy job of bumping out of the ring (even the worst Celebs on Hogans wrestling show learnt that very basic move easily) leaving Trips to work Khali as they took a badly timed break (they couldn't have had it before or after or instead of running that video package for Trips?) which was made even worse by the fact that not only did they not cut to commercial they actually ran a trailer advertising the No Way Out PPV. HHH eventually took the win off the worlds scrappiest Pedigree in just over 6 minutes.

Tonights show was made quite funny with JR's attempt to say debilitating and Tazz's attempt to say pectoral and both of them failed badly. We got 4 matches all with clean finishes and tonights actual in-ring wrestling action totalled roughly 15 and a half minutes which is actually only 1/3 of the entire air time of the whole show (a 1 hour show that had 15 minutes spent in commercials and was on air for just under 46 minutes). If WWE are struggling that badly to fill 3 shows why don't they stop airing one of them, it'd be kindest to kill off ECW as no-one really appreciates it in its current incarnation.

Movie Review - Bodyslam! The Making of a Professional Wrestler

This is an independantly made documentary following the fortunes of Ultimate Pro Wrestling (UPW) run by Rick Bassman (who does several short pieces to camera about each of the wrestlers) and some of its workers at the time. Made shooting from October 2000 until May 2001 many of the UPW roster are featured but the director does eventually decide to focus on Christopher Daniels, Mikey Henderson, Jon Heidenreich and Drzan McBee.

This is a good purchase for fans of WWE or TNA as a few of the wrestlers featured will eventually go on to be stars in those federations (in fact Rob Van Dam and Samoa Joe are both featured in the opening few minutes, you will also get to see John Cena as "The Prototype" at the start of his wrestling career).

McBee is the 1st person to be featured and came from a Cheerleading background with no previous wrestling knowledge or ability, I assume she thought she'd get by on her large fake breasts and blonde hair and fake tan. Watching her learn to bump is as painful to watch as it must have been for her to do.

Heidenreich is next featured coming from an amateur football background closely followed by Henderson who it states has been wrestling "since the age of 12".

To me the best known of these featured wrestlers is Chris Daniels who went on to be very successful with ROH and TNA. We get to see him working with RVD (who was hugely famous with ECW and WWE) and hear him worry about being able to work due to his age (which is ironic as from all the wrestlers featured apart from Cena Chris Daniels is the only one currently still actively wrestling).

Heidenreichs life away from wrestling is a job as a bouncer (Jon would go on to work in WWE but never really get a proper big shot), Bassman expresses some concerns about McBee (because she's not ripped) and we get to see how UPW work with WWE and we also get to see WWE talent scout Bruce Prichard (who may be better known to WWE fans as Brother Love) expressing an interest in Heidenreich.

Henderson gets to work against Juventud Guerrero (you even get to see them practising their match backstage) and Henderson also talks about the risks of injuries and the dangers they face in every match. Watching the wrestlers train we meet Nathan Jones (former WWE Superstar now turned film actor), we also get to see how training effects their family lives and Daniels visits kids doing backyard wrestling and comments on how senseless their dedication to violence is.

Heidenreich gets his WWE developmental contract and when he talks about the promo class we see Frankie Kazarian (now working as Suicide in TNA) and you get to see how god awful Heidenreich actually is at cutting a promo. You also see him briefly appearing in the tv show 18 Wheels of Justice (fighting against former WWE worker Andrew "Test" Martin).

Daniels gets his 1st professional shot working for WCW and McBee gets her 1st UPW shot working as a mere bell ringer (showing either how slowly she'd progressed as a wrestler or how little faith UPW had in her as a potential wrestler) and Heidenreich's relationship with his girlfriend breaks up due to the long distance issues of him being away in wrestling training.

Daniels flubs (screws up) his 1st match on WCW Nitro against Mike Modest when he goes to springboard off the ropes and slips falling onto his head (but still finishes the match) in the opening 30 seconds of the match. Despite this mistake he is still offered a job at WCW and it seems like misfortune is catching as Heidenreich is involved in a car crash then breaking his hand in a practise match shortly before he is supposed to debut in his 1st proper UPW house match.

When the house show happens Bassman shows their WWE connections by introducing Percy Pringle (better known as Paul Bearer), Daniels has his last UPW match and Heidenreich has his 1st. McBee gets to work her 1st match (although not wrestling she interferes in a match between WWE Divas Victoria & Molly Holly) and Heidenreich has the pleasure of jobbing (losing) in his 1st professional match, Daniels loses his title (to a then upcoming Samoa Joe) allowing him to pursue his career in WCW.

As for what happened next?

Heidenreich did eventually move up to WWE and got a very short push from them before being released after 3 years. He is now working for the Alabama Wrestling Federation. Daniels was only given a 90 contract by WCW and due to his injury and WCW being bought out by WWE he never got to work another match for them. He spent 5 years working for ROH and is now working for TNA. Henderson never progressed further than UPW and McBee died in 2003 due to complications following surgery.

My Weekly TNA Catch-up, Impact 29th Jan 09

This week the MEM have taken over Impact so we'll see how differently they do things. On the colour desk are Chet Lemon (Kevin Nash) & Black Snow (Booker T) so it appears TNA read my post on how to improve things in TNA and gave West & Tenay the week off.

Non title Knockout Handicap Match - The Kongtourage vs ODB. Scott Steiner struggled to read the intro off the bit of paper but that could have been due to the fact he was still wearing his damn sunglasses indoors. Basically this was ODB taking on Raisha Saeed, Sojourner Bolt & Rhaka Khan all on her lonesome and Nash definately showed he's been reading my catch-ups by referring to Khan as a Giraffe. ODB put Khan, Bolt & Saeed out of the ring pretty quickly and ended up facing off against Awesome Kong (if this match was against the Kongtourage then she really shouldn't be taking part as you can't be a member of your own entourage), Kong took the win off the Implant Buster although ODB really should have taken the win off a DQ by count out as all the members of the Kongtourage were in the ring and the ref really should have counted them out. Match length 3:30.

Rough Cut on ODB.

Handicap Match - Referees Rudy Charles & Andrew Thomas vs Booker T. This was never going to be pretty or entertaining, both these refs can bump and have in the past but they would have been better off just lying down and letting Booker take the quick pin. Charles bumped and sold well as did Thomas but Booker took the predictable win off Thomas in just over 4 minutes. A post match beatdown on Booker by Shane Sewell (who looks more like Jeff Jarrett in his street clothes).

Matt Morgan vs Petey Williams - The MEM stipulation here was Williams had to fight with 1 hand behind his back and the ref even tied his arm to his torso. You have to give Williams props here as he stuck to the rules even though the rope was as loose as hell, As Steiner distracted Morgan the ref helped Williams get untied and he then played possum and got a short run of success before being distracted by Steiner then running into the Carbon Footprint which allowed Morgan to take the win in just over 4 minutes. Post match beatdown on Williams and Consequences Creed, Eric Young & Jay Lethal tried to make the save and failed badly.

Rough Cut on Matt Morgan followed by video package on Team 3D who come out to berate Sting. Rough Cut on Traci Brooks.

Handicap Match - Team 3D vs Sting. 3D came out carrying their newly won IWGP titles and Sting has a new jacket, its purple! Not a great match and not a proper handicap against Sting either as Steiner was ringside interfering for most of it and Angle ran out to lowblow Brother Ray to prevent a pin, 3D pretty much had the win after hitting the Doomsday Device but Angle ran in to break up the count and the ref threw it out as a DQ on outside interference with Team 3D taking the win but not the way they wanted to in about 5 and a half minutes. Post match beatdown from Steiner & Angle and Booker left the colour desk to get a table which got Abyss, Mick Foley & LAX to come out and make the save on Team 3D.

Video package on Sting, Foley tells Hernandez he'll get another title shot at some point in the future. Steiner is booked in a weapons match against Abyss & Angle is booked in a handicap match against LAX both later on tonight West & Tenay return to the colour desk & Cornette books Shane Sewell against Booker T at the next PPV.

Hardcore Match - Scott Steiner vs Abyss. Its actually a hardcore handicap match as Steiner isn't allowed to use ANY of the weapons at all. Highlights of this were Abyss going through the wall of the Spanish Announcers position (followed by a badly timed commercial break so they haven't fixed that yet), Steiner blading after a trashcan shot and taking an excellent chokeslam into the trashcan (that actually flattened it!). Abyss won after Steiner was DQ'd for using the lead pipe. This match lasted just over 5 minutes and "Suicide" made the save on Abyss but that certainly wasn't Frankie Kazarian in the costume as he was way too slim although the rumour mill said it was The Fallen Angel Christopher Daniels stepping in for the currently injured Kaz.

Advert for Brutus Magnus and a video package about the UK tour. Some backstage interview about a show happening after Impact.

Handicap Match - LAX vs Kurt Angle. Was Hernandez carrying some kind of head injury here with the blue bandage looking object above his right ear? LAX worked Angle well especially Kurt selling the nice headscissors off Homicide but Angle came back during another badly timed break and Homicide sold a great looking tilt a whirl backbreaker off Angle. It seems Angle is still over with some fans as some of the front row were chanting "tap" at Homicide during the Ankle Lock.

Angle didn't look 100% sure about selling the DDT off Homicide (he took far too long deciding whether he was going to go with the move or not and made them both look stupid), Angle eventually took the win off the Angle Slam in just under 10 minutes but LAX had the much better match here even though Angle worked well on his own showing he can sell when he really wants to.

Not a bad Impact at all this week, I wanted to be as even as I was in my WWE reviews so I noted number of matches and time durations - we got 6 matches but 2 didn't end in clean finishes. This equalled roughly 32 minutes worth of actual in-ring action that was wrestling and at least TNA's video packages for its various stars were actually related to the matches that were about to happen. I do quite like the Rough Cut segments as we get to find out more about the wrestlers as real people. I was interested to see TNA did actually steal some of my ideas from my " Ways to fix TNA" posting made on Jan 23rd (shall I assume my pay cheque is in the mail then Dixie Carter?).

Movie Review - James Bond Quantum of Solace

Oh dear, this film rather does drop you in at the deep end by expecting you to not only have seen but also to actually remember the last Bond movie Casino Royale and its overly long and stupidly complex plot and therefore manages to ruin your potential enjoyment of this film before its even been running for 5 minutes.

In my opinion the whole point of a good Bond movie is its accessible to everyone even if you've never seen another Bond film before in your entire life, this one completely ruins that notion and fully expects you know all the ins and outs of the last film which in my humble opinion is a very bad idea indeed as it will alienate a large percentage of its potential viewers.

The film starts with the capture of Le Chiffre and revisits the last movie with yet more parkour scenes but almost all of the action sequences are overcranked to hell to achieve quick fire action but resulting in scenes that are too fast to watch or pay attention to easily and that will give most viewers headaches & nausea.

The film has Bond globe trotting from Italy to London to Haiti all in less than 5 minutes, does he not suffer from jet lag then? The main problem with Daniel Craig as Bond seems to be he is too eager to shoot 1st then not bother to ask questions, not a very useful habit for a spy.

Characters seem to be disposable or 1 dimensional, most of them don't seem to be important enough to be explained (Rene Mathis is a great example here getting killed in under 10 minutes after you 1st meet him) but this is at least addressed by M and her extreme annoyance at Bond killing anyone that might be useful.

We have a subplot involving the bad guys dealing with the CIA and the reappearance of Felix from the previous movie (so they really are insisting you watched the previous movie or you won't understand more than half of this one), this also runs parallel to Bond being hung out to dry by MI6 after they pull all his credit cards and passports.

Action goes from sublime to ridiculous (Bonds insanely fast fishing boat with only a 40cc engine is a great example) and after another stupid action scene (the plane chase) Bonds female interest does briefly explain what her issues are (revenge for her family) and it is revealed the bad guy is damming up rivers to create artificial droughts. Basically this is an action movie with an enviromental sub theme, its not a Bond movie at all.

Theres no distinct bad guy (Greene just isn't very bad at all), no actual evil plot to try & thwart and the movie meanders everywhere just to resolve a minor vendetta for someone Bond barely knows and a very crap and not very bad guy involved in destablising a Governement by screwing around with the enviroment.

Theres no real ending as such (well there wouldn't be as there really isn't much of a movie to end) and you never find out what the Quantum Of Solace is or was. You'll probably be left like I was thinking "Is that it, when does the actual film get started then?" only the film never does get started, its just a sequence of vaguely connected glamourous locations visted by Bond. What little plot there actually is can be summed up as obscenely difficult to follow. Personally I'd avoid this as its not worth the effort.

ECW 27th Jan 09 reviewed

Yep, I'm reviewing another ECW, I'm not saying it'll be a regular thing. I just happened to find it and decided to watch and review it. What damn day does ECW air anyway? Did I put the wrong date on last weeks show?

Show opens with Teddy Long and I finally remembered who Jack Swagger reminds me of. Chris Nowinski, the Tough Enough dude who left after concussion issues.

Ricky Ortiz vs Boogeyman - There was no bell so this match never started. There was no winner as there was no match so this lasted the grand total of no time at all.

Paul Burchill vs Finlay - Is Finlay the oldest guy actually working in-ring for WWE now? What is he now, 8 or 900 years old? Finlay took the win in about 3 and a half minutes. Both the colour guys oozed over how good this match was so I assume they were watching something else (Katie Lea's cleavage perhaps?) as this was far below average.

Mark Henry vs Tommy Dreamer - I'm not exactly sure why the Cleveland crowd were chanting ECW (perhaps to show they remembered what show they were watching?). Henry is boring at the best of times (this was one of those times) and Dreamer performed well below par for him in what is probably the swan song of his career. Henry took the eventual win in a match that lasted just over 5 minutes. If Tommy wants a job after ECW I for one would welcome him to TNA.

C** storyline involving Jack Swagger having his title belt stolen and the culprit turns out to be Hornswoggle as it seems this is the only way they can get Hornswoggle on TV these days with cheap ass gimmicks like this one.

In a 1 hour show ECW will probably claim there were 3 matches. There were 2 as one never started or ended and had zero time duration. The 2 matches that happened totalled just under 9 minutes of in-ring action with the rest of the time spent on video packages, backstage s**t and stuff designed to further storylines thats not an actual match. Considering the show spent 41 minutes on air only 9 minutes of that was actually spent on matches. That's pretty pathetic when you look at it. We can but hope that ROH getting proper weekly TV time will finally kill whats left of ECW seeing as it hasn't had the good grace to die with dignity. If Tommy Dreamer has any pull left he'll ask them to kill the show before that happens. There is still time left for one more old style ECW show to end the brand on a high note. Let it go out and be remembered fondly please WWE?

WWE Monday Night Raw 26th Jan 09 reviewed

OK, I found Mondays RAW and decided to review it. This a non-WWE fan watching the product so I won't make any apologies for not knowing who people are or anything about current storylines, this is my 1st time watching RAW since 3rd Nov 08 so I'm hardly current. This a real review written by someone who watched the show and these are my own thoughts, views & opinions - if you don't like them then feel free to killfile me. You'll be able to tell this is the real Ray Daley (nobody calls me Raymond ever) as I'm not one of Vince's sheep and I'll call it how I see it. If its s**t I won't even mention it.

Coming from Cleveland, Ohio - Show starts with an overly long video package about Randy Orton who is then introduced as the winner of this years Royal Rumble like we care. Randy reminds us of who he is (so we don't confuse him with the other 5 guys in the ring then?) & introduces Cody Rhodes (who I thought was Evan Bourne) and Ted DiBiase (who is looking great for his f**king age, thats JUNIOR Orton! At least get the f**kers name right?). After wasting 10 minutes of TV time we get the 1st match of the night.

Tag Championship Match - Cryme Tyme vs The Miz & John Morrison (shilling the Owen Hart "carrying my Slammy Award" gimmick so it seems there are no graves WWE wont rob? It'll be Benoit's next then seeing as they already robbed Eddies). Not a great match, Morrison took the win to retain the titles in a match that lasted just less than 3 minutes.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match - Kofi Kingston vs Kane. Well this was pretty much a squash match where I expected Kingston to job. Kingston got the shock win off a roll-up in a match that was barely over 2 minutes long.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match - Shawn Michaels vs John Cena. Well I see Cena is still running the rapper gimmick that was hammy when he made his 1st WWE appearance using it. The WWE marks were behind Cena in a fairly average match where neither guy gave much of a show, Cena took the win in a match that was just shy of 10 minutes long.

Diva Tag Match - Melina & Kelly Kelly vs Beth Phoenix & Jillian Hall. An interesting start where Melina tried to do a Thesz Press but didn't seem to know how, Kelly has some great moves (which probably explains why she's not Champ and is jobbing in a match like this) but Phoenix took the win in this 2 minute 35 long match.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match - Rey Mysterio vs William Regal. Mysterio had the better match but Regal worked pretty well with Mysterio taking the win in just under 4 minutes.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match - CM Punk vs Chris Jericho. Jericho is starting to look fat in his old age, he kinda looks like Eddie Izzards fatter & slightly less camp brother. Another average match with neither guy giving his best, its sad that although this was probably the best match of the night neither guy gave his A game. Jericho circa original ECW vs Punk circa early ROH days would have c***ped on this match from a great height, equally sad to see Punk (probably the better worker of the 2 here) having to job with Jericho taking the win in just under 3 and a half minutes.

Orton and Stephanie waste the last 10 minutes of the show, Ortons threats of a law suit so there won't be a Wrestlemania this year are pointless (you don't spend 24 years building up a company just to run a storyline to stop its biggest PPV) but maybe after the farce that was last years Wrestlemania it isn't such a bad idea. It was hysterical (I do hope they intended it to be funny, I was laughing my ass off!) with Shane coming down and rolling up his sleeves because he's about as talented a wrestler as David Arquette was. Considering the large amount of trainers WWE has to call on Shane still didn't know how to sell a punch and they looked as soft as shit.

Most of this show was spent shilling adverts for some show/movie with Cena in it that looked like a cheap rip-off of 24, they showed Orton kicking Vince in the head 4 times. We got 6 matches all with actual finishes but the in-ring action only totalled just over 25 minutes so there was more time spent in commercial breaks than there was in the ring working matches.

If this is the best WWE has to offer then HDNet should be eagerly rubbing its hands for the weekly TV debut of ROH.

Movie Review - Stalag 17

ts a strange movie, half comedy and half prisoner of war thriller. Set in 1944 in Stalag 17 (located somewhere on the Danube) the film is partially narrated by Cookie who gives us various pieces of useful information about the prison, the Germans, the war and the various prisoners.

From the opening shot you see its a damn huge camp with Cookie telling us there are 40,000 American, Russian, Polish and Czech prisoners in total all living in different compounds. Cookies compound holds 640 American airmen who are all sergeants.

The films main stars William Holden (who I'm not overly familiar with but fans of the show MASH might recognise his name as being the lead of "The Moon Is Blue"), for me the biggest name or most easily identified face was Peter Graves (better known as Mr Phelps of Mission Impossible).

The film deals with life in a very crowded POW camp but its main theme is the enemy within as the prisoners are always thwarted in escape or concealment by a spy in their midst. They think this spy is Sefton (Holden) as he is a black market trader who often deals with the Germans.

The film follows their attempts of escape and to flush out their traitor, you will think everyone and anyone could be the guilty party and its a great twist when the spy is finally revealed. The film isn't very well known and really does deserves great recognition as it paved the way for all the other POW movies as this was the very 1st one.

It uses pathos and intrigue in equal measures to show how the prisoners use jokes and pranks to raise their morale and try and get one over on the Germans.

My Weekly TNA Catch-up, Impact 22nd Jan 09

4 Way X Division Championship Match - Sonjay Dutt vs Sheik Abdul Bashir vs Chris Sabin vs Alex Shelley. I'm exactly sure why Dutt was getting a title shot here at all, its not like he's even in line or was in the top 5. Just to reiterate the last time they did a proper ranking tournament. Turning Point PPV Nov 08, X Division Ranking Match. Top 10 rankings were as follows:- 10th - Sonjay Dutt. And after that? Impact 18th Dec 08, X Division Championship Quarterfinals - Sonjay Dutt vs Chris Sabin, Sabin took the win.

So Dutt shouldn't be anywhere CLOSE to being a f**king contender, let alone getting this title shot. Shelley & Sabin were introduced vocally as different people but the graphics department is still stubbornly billing them as The Motor City Machineguns. Unsurprisingly this was more a tag match than a 4 way. Dutt & Bashir were keeping Shelley out of the ring and doubleteaming Sabin and the excessive use of pyro made things a bit smoky and the action wasn't always easy to see. I guess WWE aren't the only people who don't use air conditioning either. Shelley got the eventual win with a weird forward roll-up on Dutt.

Pointless backstage c**p between Booker T & Shane Sewell. MEM come to the ring and bore us on the mic. Cornette books a 4 way between Sting, Angle & Team 3D for the next PPV. We also get a quick shot of Team 3D who recently won the IWGP Tag Titles in Japan on the 2nd Global Impact Tour.

Knockout Match - Sojourner Bolt vs ODB. Bolt took advantage of ODB's intro to the crowd to jump her from behind and get on top. This was a pretty decent and quite even match between Bolt & ODB until some idiot (Russo I assume) sent Kong down to do a run-in which resulted in a DQ on Bolt by outside interference with ODB taking the win & predictable and utterly c**p & pointless beatdown.

Tag Elimination Match - Booker T & Scott Steiner vs Petey Williams & Eric Young. If you get pinned or submit then you get eliminated and it becomes a handicap match. Petey is still wearing the Steiner gear but has retaken his Maple Leaf Muscle nickname dropping the Lil' Petey Pump nickname. The MEM here were hoping to take out Young then beatdown Williams, he and Young should have worked well together as they used to tag as part of Team Canada back in the early years of TNA. Williams & Young sold well for Booker & Steiner but Booker took out Young with the axe kick leaving Williams in a rather predictable handicap match.

Williams bumped heavily for Booker but hit a great Tornado DDT on Steiner. Booker T took the eventual win using the Axe Kick off Williams. Sewell's business with Booker & Steiner was pointless, we expect to see him gone after that. He was already on his last chance or beyond it, not even the greenest mark will believe him still being employed as either referee or wrestler by TNA after this. Although we really also should see fines or suspensions for both Booker & Steiner for assaulting a TNA official regardless of who started it or how it started.

Non-title 1st Blood Tag Match - Matt Morgan & Abyss vs Beer Money. Not a great match made worse by the Morgan swerve hitting Abyss with the chair which really should have been expected. Beer Money got the win after Morgan got his revenge for last week and I guess this tagteam is now over and Morgan is now a heel?

Tables Match - Kurt Angle vs AJ Styles. Styles was always going to be the better and more interesting worker here, Angle made a great flub where he cut his hand closing a table to bring it to the ring. The cameraman had bad positioning when Angle & Styles traded punches showing Angles best hitting nothing but air. The same camerman compounded his mistake a few minutes later by showing Styles flying forearm also hitting nothing but air, they really need to fire this guy as he's been f**king up quite a lot as of late.

I'm not sure if it was the same camera that no-sold AJ's Pele (no, that was one of the guys at ringside so some of the blame there has to be placed on the directors head and I hope he'll also be looking for a new employer after this?) but after a decent match mainly run by Styles Angle took the win off the Angle slam through the table. The post match beatdown was pointless and Angle making his "end of TNA" speech is utterly pointless and stolen from WCW's NWO era. And look how well that worked for WCW.

ECW 19th Jan 09 reviewed

Almost 10 mins of crap then a match.

Ricky Ortiz vs Adam Evans.
That'll be 2 no-namers and one of em is gonna job. Ortiz appears to be shilling Carlito's gimmick? Judging from the opening second it was always going to be Evans who jobbed. Yep, Ortiz won, nothing worth writing home about though.

Paul Burchill vs The Boogeyman.
I thought Boogey was a gimmick that wasn't over any more & got dropped? Anyway, due to excessive pyro most of this match was clouded in smoke (which is probably a good thing). It was a pretty sh*t match made even worse by the lack of finish when Katy Leah interfered and the ref called for the bell (Boogeyman winning off a DQ by outside interference then?).

Fatal 4 Way Match - John Morrison vs The Miz vs Mark Henry vs Finlay. I wasn't surprised in the least to see Miz & Morrison are tag champions again, it shows a lack of imagination & faith in pushing new talent. At least ECW showed me TNA aren't the only show who take badly timed breaks by having a break during the main event. Another pretty awful match as proved by Mark Henry actually walking away from the match not long after being kicked out of the ring. Morrison got the win pinning The Miz.

My Weekly TNA Catch-up, Impact 15th Jan 09

Show opens with the MEM coming out to the ring to yack it up on the mic. Hernandez comes out with Shane Sewell (rehired as a referee?) carrying his Feast Or Fired case and asks for his Heavyweight Title shot. We were 10 minutes into the show before the 1st match.

TNA Heavyweight Championship match - Hernandez vs Sting. With all the other members of the MEM at ringside I certainly didn't expect the title to change hands or there not be any funny business here. No shock, as Hernandez took Sting up for The Border Toss Booker T threw a t-shirt into his face and the rest of the MEM jumped him so Sewell called for the bell with the result (I assume) going to Hernandez as a win by DQ off outside interference. The match barely lasted 5 minutes.

Sewell putting out Booker creates a new storyline for him, Homicide made the save as Sewell called more people out from the back to come and help but it was only other referees coming out so that was kind of pointless. AJ Styles came down and was helping until Booker kicked him but it took Team 3D with a returning Brother Ray with a mohawk to make the save with Ray powerbombing Angle through a table. Devon speaks more than I've ever heard asking for Angle at the next PPV and Ray shoots big time asking for Sting.

Backstage and in-ring crap from The Beautiful People and "Governor Palin" played by the lovely Queen Of Scream Daffney, Roxxi & Taylor Wilde shoot on them & WWE Divas having "punked" Love & Sky. It would have been better if "Govenor Palin" had revealed her true identity.

6 Woman Knockout Streetfight - The Kongtourage vs Roxxi, Taylor Wilde & ODB. Taylor & Roxxi appear to have either rebranded their images or lost their costumes, ODB appeared to be wearing one of Abyss's cast offs. A decent match that picked up even more once it went outside the ring, what was with ODB fondling her crotch? Roxxi made a stunning and well sold fall away slam on Saeed, Roxxi took the win off the Voodoo Drop on Rhaka Khan (who actually went with & sold a move for a change!) to take the win for their team. The match could have been longer, it was only just over 5 minutes long.

Tag Team #1 Contenders Match - Matt Morgan & Abyss vs Consequences Creed & Jay Lethal. So TNA still haven't stolen my idea to call them Lethal Consequences? Come on Russo, its a BRILLIANT name. I was extremely annoyed to see them interupt this match to show a video package for the upcoming PPV, its bad enough to interupt a match to go to commercial. It's even worse when its an internal commercial you could have showed AFTER the match, it seems the Asylum is still alive in the editing suite then? Creed & Lethal were the better team but there wasn't much to talk about in this match. Lethal made the pin on Morgan so Creed & Lethal get a title shot at the next PPV. Another short match at only 6 minutes long. Morgan & Abyss fought each other after the match as Abyss's screw up cost them the title shot, I guess this is Matt Morgans chance to be a singles competitor again, ditto Abyss and for Abyss to regain his hardcore side.

Backstage garbage with the MEM, it seems Booker T has finally dropped the stupid African accent?

Scott Steiner vs AJ Styles - Mick Foley is special guest enforcer. Styles had a great match as usual, Steiner sold well and Styles did a lot to put Steiner over. Styles looked ok showing no ill effects from his bad landing into the table at the Genesis. Steiner beaning Styles with the pipe was the worst foreign object shot to the head I've ever seen (and I've seen some pretty bad ones), Steiner had Styles hooked into a submission hold and it took Foley with Socko distracting Hebner on the apron which allowed Petey Williams to come out from the back and hit Steiner with a great missile dropkick off the top turnbuckle, this left the opening for Styles to hit the Pele to take the win with an assist from Foley & Williams. Not a great match especially by AJ's standards, the match was just over 10 minutes and 30 seconds long.

In a 2 hour show we got just over 26 minutes of wrestling. Its sad, isn't it?

Movie Review - The Zombie Diaries

This is a very cheap looking movie with a cast of unknowns (apart from 1 chap soap fans might recognise as being former Eastenders character Dr Legg, Leonard Fenton in his blink and you'll miss it role in the newsroom fairly near the start of the movie), its a British movie with a 1st time director (which is painfully obvious from the disjointed way the various sections of the movie are cut, its probably done to try to seem clever & thoughtful when its merely annoying & seriously disjointed).

The film is presented by way of various video camera diaries giving the director an excuse to shoot a lot of handheld camera work which is annoying and difficult to watch and follow, this kind of thing has been very en vogue since The Blair Witch Project and this movie is just as bad and annoying as that was.

The film opens with some soldiers in non-matching uniforms (someone obviously doesn't know what the word Uniform means then? Get a dictionary) showing the low budget, it obviously didn't allow for SUSAT's either which are standard issue on all British Army rifles, only the really poor RAF use iron sights. Theres also the huge goof of the 2 scientists who aern't wearing filter canisters on their respirators so they'd be killed by what they'd hoped to avoid breathing in.

During the opening titles we're introduced to the idea of a spreading disease gradually starting to get bad. Diary 1 - The Outbreak, we follow the news story of the disease as it grows increasing worse with interviews asking public opinions. We're also introduced to our 1st group of people, a group of 4 people on a news crew covering the story of the disease. The crew are sent out of London into the country to film a news piece and their journey is recorded for a documentary the cameraman is hoping to make about the disease.

Even though the disease is in its early stages we encounter the paranoia (listen to the news piece that says infected school children will be quaratined together, its almost like a Guantanmo Bay for kids the way they talk about it) in the form of an exodus of traffic as people flee the city (obviously aware any infection will spread quickly in a densly populated place like London) meaning their journey takes them much longer than expected but they do arrive at the farm where they were due to film but find no-one home.

Their car breaks down and the local village is in the middle of nowhere forcing them to return the farm where they break in to seek shelter, there we face the breakdown in civilization as the phone lines die then the power goes out. It is then the horror angle kicks in with noises from upstairs in what they had thought to be a previously empty house, the effects are good but the scare is well placed if not very scary.

There is a lot of annoying hand held camera filmed on the run but also in near complete darkness which I can never see the point of, the zombies are revealed and we're left fleeing with them as the group eventually make a fire in a field & contemplate their next move.

Diary 2 - The Scavengers (One Month Later), this follows a completely different group of 3 people foraging for supplies and parts for their radio which they do manage to fix and hear a message but they are too far away to hear what is being said clearly.

Diary 3 - The Survivors, this introduces us to yet another group living in a farmhouse fighting off zombies who stray onto their area. They burn bodies to avoid infection and always sterilize themselves after any combat with zombies. This group have members out foraging for supplies as well and they hear a message on their radio which is too far away for them to hear. (I guess we are supposed to assume they have heard the members of group 2)

We see how what initially seems to be a tightly knit group of rational people who are living well as a group gradually breaks down as tempers flare with lack of sleep. The film gets very disjointed in this section as we cut between shots of group 2 and group 3 so it becomes very hard to know exactly who you are watching and from which viewpoint.

We cut back to group 2 who are still trying to make contact on their radio and after one of the men is bitten they are involved in a car crash (we never see what caused it) and the woman in their group is injured and left in the car and eaten by the zombies (I assume the accident was related to them in some way but it is never shown or explained making this section seem even more badly disjointed in its editing).

The other 2 men flee from the car through the forest, the injured man dies of his wounds and his friend shoots him to make sure he doesn't become a zombie. The last man has an odd journey in the dark (with far too much hand held camera filmed in near complete darkness) and almost survives to reach group 3 who sadly mistakenly kill him as a zombie.

We return to group 3 and the farm house and one of their members is bitten & killed and 1 member Goke who just seems to go insane (they discover he was sexually abusing a zombie for his own perverse pleasure). Eventually the farm is over run by sheer numbers of zombies but it doesn't help that Goke seems to go even more mad and starts killing the rest of the group. This would have made a logical end to the movie but there is a final section titled "One Month Earlier" where we return to the news crew.

We discover they met Goke and Amine (who got bitten and died after a foraging trip, probably what sent Goke over the edge at the farmhouse) who spend a night with them but they discover Amine torturing someone (its hard to tell if he's a zombie or not) and the news crew are hunted by Goke & Amine who kill all but one woman who you later realise is the zombie Goke had been sexually abusing. The end of the movie shows you the soldiers at the start storming a farm and finding a lone survivor of group 3.

Its low budget, its handheld camera work is awful as are the pitch black scenes. Probably the worst thing about it is its non-linear awful editing to seem arty and thoughtful but it just renders it very annoying. I'd only recommend it if you were renting it.

Movie Review - Yesman

Take the unfunny Jim Carrey playing a bank finance officer called Carl who has just been overlooked for promotion and tries to avoid his friends & neighbours, his life is shown to be dull and unfulfilling until a chance meeting with an old friend who persuades him to go to a positive affirmation seminar (run by Terrance Stamp). He then decides he will say yes to every question he is asked and the alledged hilarity ensues.

To show how great saying yes is it leads to things like him being promoted for agreeing to work a Saturday, his relationship with his friends improves and he even has sex with one of his neighbours (she's a senior citizen though). It improves his social life (he takes a ton of classes to learn and try things) and goes to a gig where he meets Alison, a girl who had helped him on his 1st day of saying yes (played by a very lovely looking dark haired Zooey Deschanel).

There is a fair bit of product placement (Tempur mattresses & Red Bull stand out the most) and it turns out the film is based on a book by British comedian & presenter Danny Wallace (God damn you Dave Gorman!). The films worst goof is at the skeet shooting place where Alison is clearly holding a double barrelled shotgun and fires her 1st shot into the ground but hits the clay pigeon with her second shot but everyone there STILL dives to the ground when she turns around pointing a completely empty and totally harmless gun at them.

There's the incredibly pointless and utterly paranoid "we think you're a terrorist" scene at the airport, is America really THAT frightened that is has to start putting stuff like this into an alledged comedy movie?

Alison gets annoyed and angry when she finds out about the whole saying yes to everything idea and it is shown to eventually ruin his life again as he breaks up with Alison, is unsatisfied with his promotion and he is made to tell his former bank colleagues their branch is being closed.

Its not all doom & gloom as he uses his yes friends to organize a last minute bridal shower for his best friends fiance (who I recognised as being in NCIS), theres also an ongoing up and down relationship with his ex-girlfriend and her current guy who dumps her but his saying no to staying the night with her leads to a series of events that winds up with Carl in hospital after a car crash.

Theres another annoying goof (the riding the Ducati scene), Carl only had a tiny bit of experience with a small moped (almost certainly with no gears) but they expected us to believe he'd be able to drive a 1000cc geared bike and not crash it?

There's a fairly predicatable feel good ending but the scene in the seminar is funny and unexpected. The movie isn't great, hasn't got that many stars, Carrey is extremely annoying but the supporting cast of people who he meets along the way do make the movie worth watching and extremely bearable.

My TNA Catch-Up, Genesis PPV 09

6 Man Tag Team Elimination Match - Sonjay Dutt, Jimmy Rave & Kiyoshi vs Eric Young & LAX.

Dutt & Homicide kicked this match off but Young & Rave replaced them in moments which got the crowd going. Kiyoshi looked REALLY unwilling to sell the catapult off Hernandez and it was left to Homicide to sell the move using the backsplash. The split screen stuff with Cornette backstage shows how little faith TNA really had in the wrestlers in the opening match, it was thoughtless & rude to those involved and even more so it was disrespectful to the PPV fans who'd paid good money to watch wrestling, not some tiny screen you could barely see. Homicide sold well for the whole heel team, Kiyoshi flubbed a fall over the ropes but Raves slam of Young onto the apron was a great looking and well sold move.

I'm not enjoying Hernandez's new moustache (A cross between Al Snow, HHH & A-Train), can anyone tell me who that Jeff Jarrett look-alike in glasses with grey hair was at ringside, is that his father? (he was visible helping one of the camera crew around the 14-15 minute mark, from later views of him I assume he is one of the people who takes the ring stills) Business picked up a bit and the pace of the match improved with a lot more good moves being pulled and everyone getting a chance to showcase themselves. Young was eliminated by Dutt (with the help of his feet on the ropes) and Homicide was eliminated by Rave (thanks to a handfull of shorts and a decent roll up) a few minutes later. Dutt sold a nice looking Crackerjack off Hernandez before Super Mex (I finally called him that) eliminated Kiyoshi with The Border Toss then moments later eliminated Dutt with a hard looking sit out power bomb. Hernandez took the win with a great splash off the top turnbuckle to win the match for his team.

X Division Championship - Alex Shelley vs Chris Sabin.

Basically this is The Motor City Machineguns versus each other and I guess this is their reward for having jobbed to all those teams and people for the last few months and now one of them is going to be X Division Champion. I was surprised to see so much technical mat based stuff from these guys, I was expecting fast and high flying from the get go so I was disappointed. The match pretty much stank until Shelley hit the somersault kick on Sabin who was half through the ropes closely followed by a nice lionsault. Sabin's kick to the head looked good and the heat was definately increasing between these guys. Sabins springboard DDT was great but Shelley's kickout from the Cradleshock was very badly flubbed and the title should have gone to Sabin right then. After a fairly decent match everybody must have felt totally robbed by the incredibly weak schoolboy by Shelley to win and Alex Shelley is the new X Division Champion.

Sheik Abdul Bashir vs Shane Sewell.

What? Their not calling THIS a grudge match? WTF Russo? If ANYTHING was a grudge match then this f**ker is the dictionary definition, isn't it? I was rather annoyed at West & Tenay continually referring to "The Referee Shane Sewell", guys you were AT the Impact when Cornette canned him. He's the wrestler Shane Sewell and for this match only. As fun as it is to see a ref wrestle its hardly a new idea (my brain recalls Dangerous Danny Davis for one), I assume Sewell used the figure 4 to get a cheap pop from the local fans. Bashir's forearms were shown to be painfully wide of the mark (bad camera angle, poor show Mr Director!), fortunately this wound up shortly after with Sewell taking the win off a Sunset Flip. Another poor Bashir match.

Tag Team Championship - Abyss & Matt Morgan vs Beer Money vs Jay Lethal & Consequences Creed.

Hopefully Robert Roode is 100% fit here but I am very unhappy that TNA haven't yet stolen my team name and started calling the champions Lethal Consequences. It's truly brilliant, isn't it? This is a 3 way tag match and anyone can tag another person in from a different team. Creed & Roode started things off, the match didn't have a great start but picked up after Jaqueline got involved with both Creed & Lethal making great looking dives onto Roode & Storm. Its not every day you get someone as big as Matt Morgan making a cross body block off the top turn buckle to the floor but his was great too, although from that point onward Roode looked unsure on that bad leg and you did see him grab it when they showed the repeat of Morgans jump. Roode was even limping slightly when he came in to help double team & suplex Abyss, likewise he was limping after the backdrop from Creed even to the point where the ref actually went and checked on him.

Creed sold the double teamed assisted DDT from Roode & Storm (that looked great!) & Lethal made a painful flub of the Lethal combination (probably due to Roode's leg being unable to support his full weight in that position properly). Roode didn't make a much better job of his snap neckbreaker on Morgan (the camera angle didn't help sell it any either). The finish was sloppy (they'd clearly run out of ideas) with Abyss hitting Morgan with the title, Lethal hitting the big flying elbow on Roode then Storm hitting Lethal with the Superkick before rolling Roode back onto Morgan whilst Jacqueline distracted the ref until she saw their chance and left Rudy Charles to make the 3 count for Roode pinning Morgan & Beer Money regain the Tag Titles.

6 Woman Knockout Contest - ODB, Roxxi & Taylor Wilde vs Raisha Saeed, Rhaka Khan & Sojourner Bolt (now collectively known as The Kongtourage).

The winner of this will eventually get a title shot against whoever the champion might be at that time. Considering TNA literally had to pull this match out of thin air at the last minute it wasn't a bad line up, Wilde & Bolt got it going. Bolt was selling ok for Wilde but the Hurricanrana looked painful and Wilde didn't appear to tuck her head in and may have hurt her neck there. Khan was looking better than normal (I love seeing people fight her, its like watching a Giraffe get beaten up) although she seemed super unwilling to have any part in taking a fall away slam from ODB.

Bolt barely made a save (people were really flubbing last minute saves tonight, are they putting something in the water at TNA?) and I'm not sure but I think Roxxi got a seriously painful looking back full of guard rail from Wilde's top rope cross body block on her, Khan & Bolt. This allowed ODB time for a small package to take the win and she earns herself a title shot. Despite various reports of being injured, Awesome Kong did come out to the ring although she did grab her back when ODB pushed her so she wasn't 100% but ODB sold a chokeslam to try and subdue the injury ideas.

Grudge Match - Kurt Angle vs Jeff Jarrett.

Jarrett started this by just trying to beat the hell out of Angle, nothing elegant or subtle, just pure unfettered violence. This was pretty dull until Angle's bad landing on his ankle and Jarrett's even worse landing on his head. Jarrett bladed under the colour desk and Angle did the same just off camera on the entrance ramp a few moments afterwards and they knew this one had to get done quickly as Jarrett had cut himself too deeply and was having trouble seeing. The Angle Slam off the stage through the table pretty much missed it and Jarrett took most of the fall onto the concrete floor and it was shades of New Jack vs Vic Grimes in old ECW.

The simple fact that either guy (especially Jarrett) was able to go back to the ring and continue shows how dedicated these workers are but I was annoyed that we were really late into the match before anyone (for anyone read West & Tenay) decided to mention this was a no DQ match. Jarrett made the most stupid cover allowing Angle to make a roll over and take the win.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship - Rhino vs Sting.

They'd been playing some no-show angle for most of the PPV until some of the MEM said they'd beaten Rhino up and left him so when Rhino came out holding his back, head bandaged and face bloodied you knew he'd already been told to sell and job to Sting. I'll be honest, I really didn't want to watch this and didn't. They had already cheapened the match with the bulls**it injury angle. Sting took the win and retains his title, no shock there.

6 Man Tag Match - Booker T, Scott Steiner & Cute Kip vs Brother Devon, AJ Styles & Mick Foley making his debut in TNA. Kevin Nash wasn't appearing due to a staph infection in his elbow (which Booker seemed to find very funny indeed) so Kip was standing in for him here. Kip & AJ had a nice short run together, I had a chuckle at West & Tenay insisting Kip James was the tag team specialist of their team, I assume they conveniently forgot about Harlem Heat & The Steiner Brothers very successful tag careers?

Styles did his usual job of selling well for the MEM before hitting an almost Pele on Booker then an actual Pele on Kip a few moments later. The crowd were right to boo Rudy Charles and his decision to end the match having counted everyone out calling no winner which gave Booker a wry smile. Cornette came out, got himself a cheap pop & ordered the restart of the match which Booker shot down but Foley rubber stamped it as a hardcore match and things got going again.

Devon took a trash can shot, Styles beaned Steiner likewise while West & Tenay did a very bad job of concealing their commentary scripts after Foley was back dropped onto their announce table by Booker. Foley called for a table where Kip was laid out, Booker crotched Foley on the announce desk but Styles dived off the top rope frog splashing onto Kip in possibly the best and craziest move of the entire night.

Steiner & Devon were the only 2 not involved and carried on in the ring (with Devon taking a moment to glance over & check Styles was ok) with Devon flubbing his initial attempt to climb onto the top turnbuckle and eventually managed. Booker hit Devon with the axe kick when he wasn't looking only to get a mouthfull of Socko after his spinaroonie, Steiner broke up the mandible claw with a trashcan to Foleys back. Foley came back hitting a great looking DDT into the chair on Steiner rolling him over to make the pin and win for The Frontline over The Main Event Mafia. It was pretty clear Styles was still winded and in pain when they were celebrating in the ring so hopefully he isn't banged up too badly.

Movie Review - Hollow Man 2

f anything ever stank of "pointless sequal" it was going to be this. Most people watching this will have seen the original and be fully aware the lab was destroyed, Kevin Bacon was killed and all the research destroyed. Only 1 person escaped alive.

This one drops you right into the invisiblity and I assume that was Christian Slater (the only recognisable name in the cast) playing our Invisible Man judging by his voice, you know the film is going to stink as they go for gratuitous nudity in the opening scene.

After the gruesome murder scene eventually leading to the squeaky stair I figured we were going to be lead by the nose and told in a very loud slow voice exactly what the Director intended to use as plot devices and theres nothing worse than a Director who thinks his potential audience are such cretins he has to explain the movie to them before scenes happen.

As a Director he also doesn't know how night vision video cameras work (with the pointless and equally impossible Invisible man reveal in the teens bedroom, it'd be likely if it were thermal) and the police protection idea is also pointless as the house is left unlocked and there are a number of times when Invisible Slater can enter the house.

Using the cat is lame (has the Director not seen Alien?) and as predicted the squeaky step is the "tell". Invisible Slater is an idiot though, attacking & killing a cop (this is addressed later but seemed totally mindless and pointless at the time). You also have to wonder where a naked Invisible Man stores his flashbangs.

For someone being chased by Black Ops Military, Invisible Slater is a complete idiot as he draws far too much attention to himself chasing Frank the cop and Maggie the Biologist. He was going to be pretty badly injured after being hit by a car though and not in a fit state to be chasing people around Seattle (I saw the Space Needle in the background).

We were being asked to accept that whatever Invisible Slater injected himself with was able to cure all his injuries from the car crash (Theres suspension of disbelief and then theres asking to believe the impossible, clearly this Director wasn't sure where the line was).

Frank is clearly in rule breaking mode (not just helping Maggie escape he drives through a no entry sign & he also he steals a car) then Maggie explains about the invisible man and after 43 minutes of movie we actually discover our invisible man is called Micheal Griffin.

We do at last get to see the experiment (and the 1st on screen appearance of Slater almost 44 minutes into a movie where he is the star) and they explain he is Special Forces which explains some of his strength & fighting ability. Maggie was lied to and told Griffin had died and was then fired, the invisiblity program was clearly going to be used for military purposes.

Griffins initial purpose is revealed, he is trying to get himself a buffer drug (it is unclear if this reverses the invisibilty or what it actually does, they may have explained it. If they did, I missed it). The suspicion theme is played on heavily with Maggie being jumpy about the clerk at the gas station but the idea is reinforced when you see how the Military are trying to monitor and detect them.

When Maggie & Frank go to meet someone who had been sending Maggie mysterious texts they discover Griffin was not the only success in the Invisibilty experiment, it turns out there were 3 more. The 1st only lasted 8 days, their contact was number 2 and Griffin was number 3.

Lawrents, Invisible Man number 2 explains the program was hushed up to allow the Military to assassinate specific political targets until Griffin went loco and started killing anyone he felt like. The themes of paranoia and fear of the unknown or unseen are worked well with Maggie jumping at the merest noise or shadow.

Griffin kidnaps Maggies sister (although you have to wonder how he knew where she lived?) forcing Maggie to meet him with the buffer drug at the train station and the Director further compounds his camcorder night vision mistake by repeating it a second time.

The complete non-response of people to a half naked women screaming "help me" whilst being dragged by an unseen force is pretty astonishing (you'd think at least 1 good samaritan would try to intervene?) although when Frank locks himself in the store you already know he'll be leaving thanks to invisibility.

The twist occurence to the guy in charge of the Invisibility program is fast and if you blink you'll definately miss it. Theres a pretty inexcusable goof in the lab that you cant see any of Griffin's face after Maggie clearly sprays him in the eyes with paint, you can even see the paint marks around the eye holes of his mask but no trace of paint inside.

Having 2 invisible men (as Frank is now invisible as well of course) fight each other in the rain is exciting to watch but pretty damn stupid as Griffin should be in no fit state to do anything having just fallen from at least 3 floors up through a window onto solid concrete.

Griffin regaining visibilty is very cool to watch but I was too annoyed by the fact that Maggie seemed uneffected by the same dose of rat poison which she actually took before him so it should have taken effect earlier in her. Perhaps our awful Director forgot that bit of the movie that happened only a few minutes earlier.

The end is left very open with Maggie recovering in hospital (I find it unlikely that badly injured Invisible Frank would have been able to easily get her to medical attention) and a look at Frank leaving things open for another movie which would be an even worse idea than this one was.

My Weekly TNA Catch-up, Impact 8th Jan 09

Its the 1st proper Impact of the year, I'm not sure if this was live or recorded last week. The show opens with a look at the card for Sundays Genesis PPV.

X Division Championship Semifinals - Alex Shelley vs Eric Young. With Shane Sewell as referee anything could have happened here, I must admit my prediction was Shelley to take the win purely for the rather cool idea of a Shelley vs Sabin final. Shelley had a great match with his spike DDT on Young which looked excellent. Rather predictly and as I said Shelley took the win (with an assist from Sabin). I do wonder if this is a possible split for their team at last? Bashirs beatdown on Sewell after the match was rather predictable too, am I the only one who thinks Sewell looks a bit like a young Paul Orndorff. Cornette's firing as a ref then rehiring of Sewell as a wrestler angle was an excellent swerve even if I did predict it a while back.

The MEM come out to yak on the mic, I assume Booker T doesn't smoke as he had no clue how to hold that cigarillo in his mouth.

Non-title Knockout Match - Madison Rayne vs Awesome Kong (with Raisha Saeed, Sojourner Bolt & Rhaka Khan). Rayne is Ashley Lane, half of the tag champions from SHIMMER so she shouldn't be a total pushover here. Rayne had all of 20 seconds worth of offence before being made to sell and job, Kong hit a shortarm clothesline then took the win off a well sold Awesome Bomb.

Robert Roode vs Matt Morgan - Roodes knee injury was utter bollocks, Rudy Charles should have called a win to Morgan by countout instead of the win by stoppage. Jay Lethal & Consequence Creed come out and cash in their Feast Or Fired Tag Title shot.

Tag Team Championship - Beer Money vs Jay Lethal & Consequences Creed. Basically this was James Storm on his own after Roode had "injured" his ankle in the match against Morgan. Not a great match but I never expect one when it involves Beer Money, Creed sold a good beatdown fron Jacqueline outside the ring (so she is still involved to some degree), Jay Lethals Lethal combination looked awful (I'm not sure if it was the camera angle or Storm not selling it) but Lethal took the win after nailing Storm with the briefcase that had contained their title shot, Lethal & Creed are new tag champions (can we PLEASE call their team Lethal Consequences? It sounds brilliant!) and I guess Abyss & Matt Morgan will be facing them at Genesis instead? (Nope, the revised match is now a 3 teams match)

BG James vs Kurt Angle - It was nice to see BG back in action and this started in a great way with him jumping Angle on the ramp serving him a great beatdown outside the ring before the match even ever got inside the ring and started. Angle turned it around after an eyerake and BG did a blade job after a "post shot", BG was selling like crazy to get Angle over in this new violent mindset. BG had a great comeback hitting an excellent pumphandle slam though Angle was right back on top again (have they renamed the Olympic Slam now, they were calling it the Angle Slam?), BG sold the German Suplex well but West & Tenay suddenly mentioned this match was no DQ when Angle had the ankle lock on. I found it odd that the guy doing the ring introductions failed to mention that bit of information. Angle won after BG tapped out of the ankle lock and the beatdown on BG by the MEM after the match was predictable but utterly pointless and earnt them no heat at all and it just left me wondering how they were going to fill the last 9 minutes of the show and I was very disappointed that they went the talking and recaps way.

Movie Review - Frank Herberts Dune (tv mini series)

Made by Hallmark & originally broadcast on the Sci-Fi channel as a 3 part serial adaptation of Frank Herberts Dune I was mainly watching this to see if it was any better than the David Lynch movie. It probably cost a lot more (actually it was half the price of its 1984 movie counterpart at only $20 million) as is evident by sets, costumes and some of the special effects.

Its pretty annoying right away with Alec Newmans Paul Atreides unable to pronounce Thufir (calling him Toofer) and Ian McNieces Baron Harkonnen unable to even correctly pronounce his own families surname, neither can he pronounce Leto (Layto he says when it should be Leeto though). The chap playing Gurney Halleck wasn't a patch on Patrick Stewart and likewise the chap playing Thufir Hawat never came close to Freddie Jones' movie portrayal. With William Hurt playing Duke Leto you have to wonder if he knew what he was letting himself in for trying to follow in Jurgen Prochnow's footsteps.

At least in this version more is made of the role of Duncan Idaho (both he and Leto have gone to Arrakis 1st to establish themselves and Duncan is sent to try and contact the Fremen, it also differs from the movie as Paul and his mother Jessica travel to Arrakis without Leto). The Lady Jessica at least shows some type of personality in this as she shows she wishes to be equal with the natives of Arrakis speaking to them in their own language, the Shadout Mapes (Arakeen housekeeper) also has a strange accent and her pronouncement of Harkonnen sounds a lot like the Douglas Adams Hitchhikers characters the Haggunenon. The serving girls pronouncement of Muadib is also likewise brutally mangled.

After the arrival on Arrakis it appears there are mercenaries communicating with someone inside the palace (I wondered if this was supposed to mirror the Harkonnen suicide troops in the movie), the fact we see Dr Yueh (he'll never be as good as Dean Stockwell from the movie) sat next to a window in the very next scene is a good "tell" as anyone familiar with the movie knows he does in fact turn out to be a spy. It is even ironic that one of the lines spoken by Jessica to Yueh is "we have spies everywhere", unaware she in fact is talking to a spy herself.

We see a difference in stillsuit design (rather than being black like the ones in the movie in this version Pauls is coloured with desert camoflage however Leto's appeared to be green camoflage for some unexplainable reason), their "Ornithopter" is pretty similar to the shuttles used in the movie but appears to be a smaller vesel. The Spice Harvester actually reminded me of a cross between a Jawa Sandcrawler and an Eagle from Space 1999. It also appears the design of the worms has improved (more like the reimagined Sarlacc Pit from Return Of The Jedi).

In this version of Dune the colour scheme for the Harkonnens has been changed from Blondes wearing black to Redheads wearing red, its a very red colour palette indeed which is quite hard on the eyes in certain scenes in fact. The scenes in the Harkonnen court do heavily indicate how much money was lavished on sets leaving nothing for actors anyone has heard of. Another character who struggles and incorrectly pronounces Muadib is Liet-Kynes the Imperial Ecologist (originally played by Max Von Sydow in the movie, the actor playing him here is a complete unknown as is the case in most of the roles in this mini series. It is sad to think that only William Hurt and Ian McNeice represent the known cast for me).

As for the various parts of the mini series part 1 lasts 1 hour and 38 minutes, part 2 lasts 1 hour 35 minutes (and is subtitled Maudib so they couldn't even spell it right) and part 3 (subtitled The Prophet) lasts for 1 hour 36 minutes rounding out at an epically long 4 hours 49 minutes which is even longer than the longest cut of the movie. I guess for me this was more a spot the difference game as I didn't find much I liked about this new version. If you are a scifi fan and haven't seen the movie then this will probably be quite enjoyable if a little long.

For me every mistake or mispronounced name was painful, likewise the unknowns of the cast struggling to try and follow in the shoes of their movie counterparts. This version does have the advantage of more time to develop characters like Princess Irulan who hardly appears in the film. Gurney is a fuller personality too, not just shown as a soldier we also get to see him in his troubador aspect with a very lute looking Baliset. The character of Stilgar is introduced much earlier in this story and the character of Duncan (with his awesome Scottish lilt) is much better used, especially writing him into the scenes with the Fremen. It is Duncan & Liet-Kynes who save Paul & Jessica from the desert (instead of Yueh giving them stillsuits and Paul using "the voice"), sadly for a Fremen even Liet-Kynes can't bloody pronounce Muadib either (effectly the story pretty much jumped the shark right there when a Fremen leader can't even correctly say the name of a legendary Messiah).

Into watching part 2 I did find certain sets looked rather cheap like the desert outcropping where Paul tells Jessica he knows about his unborn sister, that particular set had a very cheaply looking painted backdrop. I'd seen more convincing matte work on 70's Doctor Who. A lot of the "sand dunes in the background" are actually so badly painted you can see the seams where the sheets of artwork are connected totally ruining the illusion of endless desert. Another special effect it seemed they no longer had money for by part 2 was the glowing blue eyes of the Fremen completely ruining any notion of continuity, they are there then gone but then just as suddenly back again. More names were being mangled in part 2, Chani being called Cheney by pretty much everybody was most notably annoying.

At least this version gives a good reason for Paul to be named Muadib as he does actually see the mouse he chooses to be named after (so they totally decided to drop the idea of Muadib being his secret name and not even bother calling him Usul), likewise the Desert Fremen are portrayed differently here showing themselves to adept as killers without the initial need for Paul or Jessica's Weirding training. This is used eventually when the Fremen decide to wage war to liberate Arrakis though. This does explore the politics & plans behind the the various occupations of Arrakis more thoroughly through Irulan and Feyd.

More is made of Gurneys role showing him as a smuggler, in this Paul & Chani have a son (this is mentioned in the book but overlooked in the movie) who is killed in an attack by the Emperors Sardaukar troops, Pauls sister Alia is captured (unlike the film where she is sent by Paul) and the end completely ruins everything that had gone before by asking you to accept that people fighting with knives will beat men with guns who vastly outnumber them. More is also made of the family relationship between Atreides & Harkonnen as shown by Paul calling Feyd cousin just before he kills him. Irulan agrees to marry Paul in the name of peace with Chani remaining as his concubine.

Movie Review - Breaking Glass

1980, Punk was dying and 2 Tone was only just getting established in the Midlands. Music was either the New Wave alternative, Glam Rock , Prog Rock or Disco. And what was Coventry songstress Hazel O'Connor doing with herself. Making this movie, Breaking Glass. It's about a young woman called Kate (apparently named after Kate Bush) trying to break into music from the bottom in the London music scene.

Along with a fairly young Phil Daniels fresh from Quadrophenia who plays her manager Danny are Jonathan Pryce playing their deaf saxaphone player Ken, Ken Campbell playing the pub landlord who hosts the bands early gigs (and consistantly refuses to pay them for any), Mark Wing Davey (better known as Zaphod Beeblebrox) playing the record exec that Phil is helping to artifically create sales for. As far as other musical talent there is Gary Tibbs (If his name isn't familar then you probably aren't a fan of Adam & The Ants) as the bands bass player.

We later learn Breaking Glass is the name of the group (probably stolen from the title of the 1977 Nick Lowe song I Love The Sound Of Breaking Glass). The movie is full of the culture at the time, Skinheads fighting, Train Strikes, power cuts, the brief surge in Nazi ideals from certain Skinhead groups, Police abusing their powers and record companies giving out rubbish contracts.

The scene where they meet the German Nuns on Christmas Eve (or is it Christmas Day) is quite surreal and hard not to laugh at. Equally interesting is the performance of "Who Needs It" during a power cut in their gig. The movie does parallel Hazel O'Connors life a fair bit with the rapid rise to fame and the equally rapid descent into drugs and other problems.

Under a new producer their music is taken into a new direction going further out of Dannys control leading to Ken walking out of a recording session & the record execs spreading the seeds of discontent amongst the band but also playing off against Danny as well leading to him eventually quitting. There are also walkouts by the drummer & Ken.

For those who think the makers of this film stole Kates glowing costume idea (which she wear while singing 8th Day) from Tron then think again because this was made a full year before Tron was even released.

Its hard to know if the scene in the tube after she runs out of the gig is some drug induced fantasy but I assume it is due to all the stuff the record company had been injecting her with before the gigs. After that your left seeing what living the hard life has done to her and the very open ending.

A couple of interesting things to look out for are Gary Olsen calling himself Kates groupie at the 1st gig where she meets Danny (He's wearing a Specials T-shirt, another Coventry group) and the motorway sign pointing to Coventry after they sign their gig contract.

Movie Review - City Of Ember

Take the best ideas from Dark City, The Island, Logans Run & The Goonies and you think it'd make for a truely awesome movie. With the acting talents of Tim Robbins, Bill Murray & Martin Landau you do have 3 performances worth watching (especially Landau).

Set in some dystopian future after an unknown apocalyptic event the people who make decisions decide to create an underground city and leave it isolated for 200 years leaving them a box that would open after the 200 years expired with instructions for what to do next.
The box is passed down by the cities Mayors until 1 dies and the box is then forgotten from memory and lost in a cupboard. An unknown amount of years pass but the city called Ember by its inhabitants is decaying. It is running out of food and its power generators are gradually failing.

Enter our protagonists, 3 children. 2 of whom are allocated jobs that introduce them and us to various parts of Ember, we also get to see exactly how bad things are going. With power failing they are determined to find a way out of Ember, here is where the movie parallels Goonies but nowhere near as well.
Our kids find their way out far too easily and much too late into the movie, theres no feeling of peril during that task and their journey is over and done not long after getting started. The film itself is based on a book, I feel they used the city of Ember well but stayed there far too long. Not enough was made of their journey, I felt they escaped and there was never any doubt they would and they never felt in danger whilst doing it.

The movie does look wonderful, sets and costumes are great. Bill Murray as the overfed & self serving Mayor of Ember is good but underused. Tim Robbins as the inventor father is woefully underused, Martin Landau as the oldest worker in the power station is excellent but just as he is starting to make the most of his role it is already over. The fact that the 3 main performers are children is more than likely its sales angle (I felt they were aiming for the same audience who enjoyed Lemony Snicket as the 3 main kids were pretty much carbon copies of those roles).

The movie did feel short and I got the idea it has been very heavily cut to get a more family orientated certificate, its just that once out of Ember the escape to the surface is over and done and we never get to see if anyone else makes it out. The ending is just too open for my liking, it had a great start and middle but a very weak and under done ending.

Movie Review - Stockade aka Cadence

I saw the cast list mentioning both Martin & Charlie Sheen which interested me, the story being set in a military prison also interested me. Having Lawrence Fishburne (pretty early in his career as he was still going by Larry Fishburne which made me wonder if Martin Sheen had remembered working with him in Apocalypse Now) in the cast also influenced me and knowing Martin Sheen directed got me even more curious. Watching the opening credits I thought the name Ramon Estevez felt very familiar and it turns out he is in fact Charlie Sheens older brother and Martin Sheens 2nd oldest son.

Set in 1965 the story starts with Franklin Bean (Charlie Sheen) on leave in Montana to attend the funeral of his father before returning to Wittsberg in Germany. In a drunken emotional binge afterwards he gets himself 2 visible tattoos on his hands before jumping through the window of a bar. In hospital (because he got glass in his skull) he is told he could do 90 days in the stockade or go to court martial and face a possible 3 year stretch. Actually his lawyer is pretty bad as he committed the offence off duty in a civilian bar so realistically the German police would have handled it. His lawyer claims he hit an MP (it was a light shove if anything) and Frank is coerced into accepting the 90 days in the stockade even though he asked for a discharge.

Beans Army lawyer clearly isn't very good, I'd have had him free in days with no jail time at all, you have to take his bereavement into account. We then see him entering the stockade where he meets Master Sgt Otis McKinney (played by his father and director of this film, Martin Sheen) then his fellow prisoners who are all black. Even though segregation was over by this time there were still racial rifts in America and the service so this film is playing heavily on that theme here.

We meet more of the Stockade staff including Cpl Gessner (Ramon Estevez, Charlies older brother who looked like a dead ringer for Charlie when he played Wild Thing in Major League) and Cpl Lamar and follow the prisoners on their work detail and their lives within the barracks. Punishments (or Gigs) are handed out for even the most seemingly inoffensive offenses and we also see the gradual bond formed between Bean and his fellow prisoners after a fight that he doesn't rat them out for.

You have to question why McKinney himself isn't arrested by the MP's for his drunken outburst after failing to speak to his son on his own birthday, far too much leeway was shown by lamar & Gessner. I did quite enjoy seeing the other guys trying to teach Bean how to do their cadence dance, especially the sequence where they are practicing it on the work detail farm as the soundtrack plays a match by Souza. McKinney tries to make friends with Bean who calls him a bully and says he hates everything he stands for, hearing this makes McKinney shut down Beans project to repair a windmill on the work farm. They disregard his orders and repair it anyway.

Taking them to the work farm during the night McKinney offers them the chance to escape knowing he can shoot them if they try, its clear that when McKinney talks to Bean he has had some kind of breakdown as he calls him by his sons name and is clearly trying to battle some inner demons about that relationship. This is pretty much confirmed when he starts shooting at one of the prisoners (Sweetbread, a quiet but slightly simple minded man) who had wandered off without McKinney issuing any kind of warning or challenge as an armed person is required to before opening fire. By the time the 7th shot is fired it is clear Sweetbread was coming back (even though he actually wasn't trying to escape) and is killed by the 8th shot (McKinney couldn't have fired again, there were only 8 rounds in the clip),

Beans sentance is commuted so he can rejoin his unit shipping out to Vietnam whilst a trial is held against McKinney with the clear intent it is for show only and the prisoners are pretty much ignored as the proscution lawyer (the same guy who forced Bean to accept 90 days in the stockade) chooses to whitewash the evidence to get McKinney off the charge ofm murder. Theres the rather cleverly hidden Sheen family reference as the MP who lets Bean in to see McKinney in the Psych Adin ward is called Estevez (Charlie & Martin Sheens real surname) whats also quite fun is the guy playing the MP is former Jafar Teal'c better known as Christopher Judge from Stargate SG1. Its probably unintentionally ironic that the flag is being lowered as Bean leaves from visiting McKinney just to underline the fact that McKinneys reign as a figure of authority is well and truly over.

I was a bit unsure why Lamar & Gessner salute Bean (he is only a Private and they were both Corporals) but I see it as them acknowledging his return to Army life. Its a very open end to the movie, possibly a little too open as it would have been nice to have seen either Lamar or Gessner promoted and in charge and a more definate idea on the condition of McKinney. If you like Military movies or prison movies I'd recommend this, its also very good for the performances of the whole Sheen clan and the other prisoners.

Movie Review - Madagascar 2 - Escape To Africa

With the speed this went from release to dvd you have to wonder if its going to be any good, at least with their previous release Dreamworks did actually bother with a cinema release. Generally anything that goes straight to video/dvd is something to be suspicious about.

The movie has an odd start but you'll eventually release you are watching the back story behind Alex the lion (voiced by Ben Stiller). Sadly its also in those opening few minutes that the whole movie jumps the shark (any sane adult is going to question how a baby lion cub could possibly survive drifting in a crate on the ocean from Africa to America without starving to death), but we're back on the island and jumping a whole new and completely different shark there instead with the idea that penguins can fly a DC10.

Using the crashed plane (If you remember it from the original movie) the animals decide to return to New York but run out of fuel and crash land and encounter people or more accurately tourists (so we have to assume they are in some sort of game reserve on the African mainland so they've flown at least a minimum of 263 miles from Madagascar, my guess from Google Earth would be they landed in Kruger National Park).

We have yet more shark jumping with Alex and an old lady fighting (like a fully grown Lion wouldn't tear her to pieces in seconds) then Alex reuniting with his parents (and yet more shark jumping as his wild parents are clearly mixing with prey species yet getting along as though they were friends). Marty the Zebra finds himself a herd (all of whom are voiced by Chris Rock as though just listening to one of him wasn't bad enough), Melman (still being voiced by David Schwimmer) find himself some friends in the giraffe world and even Gloria finds other hippos and to her delight male hippos.

Sadly King Julien (the stupid monkey from the island voiced by Sacha Baron Cohen STILL doing his bloody awful Jim Broadbent impression, why not just hire Jim Broadbent - he's way cheaper) & Maurice also survived the crash.

As for the guy voicing male hippo Moto Moto (Rapper and former member of The Black Eyed Peas Will.i.am) he just sounds like he has a sore throat or has watched way too many blaxsploitation films. Yet more shark jumping comes with the penguins stealing and being able to drive a truck and the old lady who survives being hit by it. I know all these things are done for comical effect but their just stupid and not possible.

Have these people never seen Hi-di-hi? Ted's 1st rule of comedy, realism. Rather unsurprisingly for a film with so little realism it DOES actually feature a scene of not only a jumping shark but the same shark also being jumped on. The penguins continually recycling the very tired 6 to 9/69 joke (which wasn't even funny the 1st time they said it) is pretty annoying however the Planet Of The Apes "but your so ugly) line is pretty funny if you get the reference.

Alex manages to screw up his coming of age ceremony and gets both himself and his parents banished which leaves his fathers rival Makunga (Alec Baldwin doing his very best Kelsey Grammer impression) in charge (how very Lion King), the zebras line about being "exactly the same" couldn't be more wrong as every zebras stripes are uniquely different. It seems no-one spotted that the penguins rebuilding the plane is actually a parody or reference to The Flight of the Phoenix.

We cover the storyline of Melmans love for Gloria (when Schwimmer speaks about how Melman would treat his ideal woman he just sounds like the same whiny old Ross Gellar from Friends insisting he was "on a break") and the animals discover their waterhole has dried up, Alex goes off to find out why (after fixing his relationship issues with Marty) and the other animals start to have doubts about Makunga being their Alpha Male.

King Julien suggests a sacrifice to the local volcano to appease the rain gods (Most definately stolen from the Tom Hanks film Joe Versus The Volcano) so they may possibly be in Arusha National Park in Tanzania as that has a volcano.

Melman volunteers and finally tells Gloria his true feelings. Alex & Marty discover the watering hole has gone dry due to a dam being built by the stranded tourists led by the old woman and Alex is captured, Gloria saves Melman from the volcano and Alex's father saves him from being dinner but Alex saves him from being shot by dancing for the New Yorkers who recognise him.

The dam is destroyed (the whole Chinese whispers scene is a good idea but isn't executed very well as there are much funnier things they could have appeared to have been saying( and the animals welcome back Alex & his father Zuba as heroes, what is really annoying is that a jumping shark is implied to have actually made the water come back.

What is even more annoying is the old woman who can beat up a fully grown wild African Lion. Theres a feel good ending which gets rid of the penguins (thank god) but the main characters are still left in Africa with the ending open enough to make a sequal which apparently is going to happen.

Movie Review - Howls Moving Castle

I've wanted to see this ever since I saw clips of it on Jonathon Ross's "Japanorama" show on BBC3 several years ago. I guess you'd class it as Anime but it was clearly made with a Western audience in mind as most signs and numbers are written in English (Although I did see a poster written in German & some boxes labelled in what looked like French).

You don't need the subtitles switched on as there is English dialogue but the subtitles were clearly translated from Japanese as they do differ from the spoken English dialogue in grammar and structure, not all translations are exact either.

The look of the movie is very much like something from the mind of animator Terry Gilliam, especially the castle on legs striding across the rural countryside. Its very much like something he'd have thought of. It's difficult to know what time period the movie is supposed to be set in seeing Cavalrymen on Horses but steam powered Trams, Trains, Steam Cars & Sedan Chairs too.

It appears the lead character of the film is Sophie who works in a millinery shop (thats hats to you philistines) and we start off meeting her leaving work, being rescued from the over amourous attention of 2 soldiers by a chap who not only seems to know Jedi Mind tricks but can also fly and is being chased by evil black ectoplasmic creatures.

Sophie discusses her encounter with her sister Lettie and they also discuss Howl (he's clearly a Wizard and everyone thinks he's evil and eats womens hearts), returning to the Shop Sophie has a spell cast on her by The Witch Of The Wastes which turns her into an old women. She avoids her mother and leaves town rescuing a scarecrow which repays her with a walking cane and helps her to find shelter, inside Howls Moving Castle. A bit like the Tardis, even though its moving the inside of the castle always remains stationary as though it were a normal static dwelling.

This is obviously a world where magic is totally normal (as Sophie wasn't surprised by a magical scarecrow) as meeting a Fire Demon called Calciifer didn't even seem to phase her, it seems Howls Castle is even more like the Stargate as it is able to be static yet its front door and exterior can be in many different locations at once (Actually it seems to be based on the Terry Pratchett idea of Wandering Shops).

All of the callers seem to think different Wizards live there but none think it is Howl. We discover the man who saved Sophie is of course Howl (who can't be that great a wizard if he doesn't recognise someone under an spell) and to remain close to him she pretends she is his new cleaning lady.

We also discover (thanks to Howl) that Sophie appears as a normal girl when she sleeps. One thing can be said for certain, this is a world where several cities or countries are involved in a war (with flying battleships and iron ships that look like US Civil War steamers) but even the Witch Of The Waste seems to have a Tardis-like Sedan chair, definately bigger on the inside.

It's rather strange that whilst talking to the Kings Head Sorceror Sulliman (a mistranslation surely as she is clearly female) that Sophie briefly transforms into her younger self whilst making an impassioned speech on Howls behalf. Sulliman had also taken all the magic from The Witch Of The Waste and tried to trap Howl who saves Sophie.

Sophie escapes back to the castle and wakes up but is still young, checking on Howl she tells him she loves him. When he rejects her she becomes old again but it is difficult to know if that was a dream or not. Afer using Calcifer to move the Castle it also completely reconfigures and repairs the interior (again like another aspect of the Tardis, able to add new rooms), Sophie also appears to get younger again when Howl takes her into his secret garden.

From what I could understand Sophie gets younger when she acknowledges her feelings of love for Howl. Sophie is visited by her mother (who was forced to leave a spying bug by Sulliman) but it is destroyed by The Witch Of The Wastes using Calcifer to burn it but it leaves him weakened and unable to protect the house from invasion and bombing.

So many of the images of flying ships and burning birds remind of Battle Of The Planets (Gatchaman) it made me wonder if the maker of this had seen the cartoon as a child. Trying to help Howl Sophie removes Calcifer from the castle which destroys it but he is able to reconfigure it only smaller when she returns him and gives him her hair.

The Witch Of The Wastes manages to ruin everything removing calfifer from his hearth forcing Sophie to throw water over her to stop her catching fire which destroys most of what is left of the castle. Sent back into Howls childhood Sophie discovers it is Calcifer who takes Howls heart and keeps him enchanted as a shape shifter, taking Howl back to what is left of the castle Sophie gives Howl his heart back which frees calcifer but destroys the castle.

The magical scarecrow saves them from certain death and she kisses him which releases him from a spell, he turns out to be a missing Prince who can stop the war. Sulliman also stops the war using her royal contacts and calcifer repairs the castle and Sophie and Howl fly off into the sky.

It's an odd ending to an odd but sweet film which is apparently very loosely based on a novel by Diana Wynne Jones, the film is just under 2 hours long but I think it could be cut by about 20 minutes as it is just too long in places.

My Weekly TNA Catch-up, Impact 1st Jan 09

Just like last week I wasn't sure if there was going to be an Impact this week seeing as Thursday fell on New Years Day but I guess they managed to squeeze some filming in before breaking for Christmas. As of now the catch-up will only appear in alt.fan.tna and on my blog. If it appears ANYWHERE else then you stole it without my consent or permission.

Basically this week is a clip show with only 1 match you haven't seen before so this is going to be a VERY short catch-up as I'm stuffed if I'm going to review matches I already reviewed once this year. Results have been cut & pasted from my blogs.

Bound For Glory PPV Oct 12th 08 - Jeff Jarrett vs Kurt Angle with Mick Foley as special guest enforcer. Double DQ and no man wins or DQ on Jarrett for outside interefence by Foley. Screw what Tenay & West say.

Knockout Championship Impact Jan 10th 08 - Awesome Kong vs Gail Kim. Kong made 3 powerbombs and finally wins the title.

Lockdown PPV April 13th 08 - Samoa Joe vs Kurt Angle. Joe won off the musclebuster becoming new TNA Heavyweight Champion.

Turning Point PPV Nov 9th 08 - AJ Styles vs Sting. Sting retained the title.

Tag Teag Championship - LAX vs Beer Money. It's the only match you haven't seen before on this 1st Impact of the year. Homicide & James Storm kicked this one off. Not a great match and made even worse by the fact they took a break during it despite the fact its actually the only real match of the show. LAX had the much better match but they are the much better team in terms of talent and ability anyway. I'm not enjoying seeing Jaqueline taking a back seat and not even wearing ring clothes any more, does anyone know the story behind that? Is she injured or pregnant or what? After Roode kicked out from being hit by the title belt you knew Beer Money were going to retain their title which they did after Roode sent Homicide into a chair shot from Jaqueline to make the roll up for the pin.

This is a really weak way for TNA to start the new year, with a clipshow. It can only get better after that.