Another year and another Wrestlemania, the views contained within are my own, I have been known to swear and use colourful adjectives so if such language is likely to offend or you don't like my views then don't read the review.
Money In The Bank Ladder Match - CM Punk vs Mark Henry vs MVP vs Finlay (with Hornswoggle) vs Shelton Benjamin vs Kofi Kingston vs Christian vs Kane. Same stipulations as last year, winner gets a match for any title on any day anywhere within the next year. I assume for some technical reason MVP's pyro failed to fire hence his look of confusion before he came to the ring, if this match seems slightly familiar from last year its because Punk & Benjamin were in it then as well so they clearly aren't trusted to work any other kind of 'Mania match? So yet again for another year WWE decided to openly flaunt belts (Such as MVP's US Championship belt) that weren't up for grabs, did they not get it last year when they were told it was an incredibly bad idea?
Before the bell even rang the show was already 13 1/2 minutes old (time wasted that they could have already been having the 1st match) and you knew neither Kane nor Henry were going to be getting involved in much ladder work here due to their size. Ladders came into play early with Benjamin & Christian using one to ram Henry then Kane, Kingston jumped it and dropkicked the ladder into them before hitting a nice double legdrop across the ladder onto Benjamin & Christian, both Kane & Henry started climbing a ladder and predictably enough they were both beat down until they climbed off.
We had a nice fall by everyone when Kane & Henry tipped a ladder each and then Kane took a surprise fall off a ladder curtesy of Henry. Benjamin made an amazing Swanton off a ladder outside the ring which was pretty risky but got the crowd chanting "holy s**t!", Henry slammed Kingston back 1st onto a ladder which was well sold. Christian hit Punk with the Unprettier off a ladder and Benjamin totally flubbed an attempt of a sunset flip or hurricanrana on the ladder that probably hurt both him and MVP but was still able to powerbomb MVP over the top rope onto a few superstars outside the ring, Kane chokeslammed Christian from the ladder and CM Punk took the eventual win. Rating - 8/10 easily, great way to kick off this years 'Mania.
Music from Kid Rock to kill time to allow clean up of ladders in the ring.
25 Diva Miss Wrestlemania Battle Royal - Nobody was introduced so don't bother asking who was involved, if they'd not bothered with Kid Rock they could have actually introduced everyone in this match. A weird Battle Royal Stipulation stated they didn't have to go over the top rope, merely out of the ring to the floor to be eliminated. Gail Kim made a wicked flub on her Hurricanrana going head 1st into the apron and to add insult to injury whoever she did it to fell on top of her on the floor. Eventual winner was Santina AKA Santino Marella in really bad drag who by doing that gimmick totally ruined ANY credibility this match might have had. Rating - 3/10 due to stupid gimmick finish that ruined some of the excellent and painful bumps some of the real women took.
3 On 1 Handicap Elimination Match - Chris Jericho vs Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat (who was inducted into the Hall Of Fame this year), Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka & Rowdy Roddy Piper (with Ric Flair). For those who didn't hear him Piper clearly shouted "Get the f**k out" at Snuka & Steamboat right at the bell, Piper managed to flub his over the rope clothesline by getting his wrist caught but still managed to sell it as the true professional he is. Piper totally got into character even calling Jericho a "little piece of s**t". Snuka came in for a few chops but then Steamboat came in with the flying axehandle into a well sold armdrag, Snuka came back in but was eliminated after tapping out of The Walls Of Jericho.
Jericho gave Steamboat a kick which sent him out of the ring and Piper started a beatdown (they bleeped him calling Jericho a "motherf**ker") and hit the sleeperhold which Jericho used the ropes to get out of and hit a nice Enzuigiri to pin Piper and eliminate him leaving only Steamboat who came in to get a near fall off a great flying cross bodyblock. Steamboat bumped well off a stiff looking clothesline (so much for his bad back then?) and made another great cross bodyblock over the top rope, Steamboat sold a great running bulldog off Jericho who missed the Lionsault when Steamboat moved. Jericho kicked out of a good scoop slam off Steamboat who reversed The Walls Of Jericho into an inside cradle that Jericho kicked out of after a 2 count but Jericho took the win off the Codebreaker which he also hit on Ric Flair after the match. Jericho called out Mickey Rourke to come and apologise and he came in the ring and they faced off with a bit of boxing (Rourke has fought professionally before and won) but Rourke floored Jericho with a nice left (they said left hook but it looked more like a rabbit punch to me). Rating - 6/10 mainly for Piper & Steamboat.
Extreme Rules Match - Matt Hardy vs Jeff Hardy. Its simple, no count outs, no DQ, win by pin or submission only. Matt still looks fat and Jeff still seems to be channelling the Insane Clown Posse. Was it just me or was Matt cut open REAL early on the hairline above his right eye? Highlights of the match had to be Jeff frogsplashing off the top turnbuckle through 2 tables and a chair onto Matt, Jeff leapfrogging off the big ladder to miss a legdrop but Matt Hardy took the win off a Twist Of Fate with a chair. Rating - got to be 10/10 for Jeff's mad skills.
Intercontinental Championship - John "Bradshaw" Layfield (JBL) vs Rey Mysterio. Rey was channelling Doink The Clown for some reason? Certainly nothing like Heath Ledger which is probably the idea they were going with but it failed big time. JBL got cheap shots in before the bell rang but Rey hit an Enzuigiri, a dropkick, a 619 & a splash which lead to a pin with Mysterio taking the win and the title in less than 20 seconds from the bell and this match was a bigger joke than Kane vs Chavo for the ECW title last year. Rating - Zero, utter farce. They may as well have just p***sed on the title on air, it would have meant the exact same thing. I know JBL had to drop the strap but that wasn't the way it should have been done and certainly not on WWE's biggest PPV of the year. Shows how little Vince values both his workers and his titles.
Shawn Michaels vs The Undertaker - Whilst HBK came from the sky on a cherrypicker in his intro Undertaker came up from the floor on an elevating platform. From the bell this wasn't much more than a brawl, Taker went old school and walked the ropes and HBK started working Takers knee which led to a figure 4 leglock from HBK. Taker brawled his way out of it and HBK tried a side headlock for a submission (exactly what this already slow match really didn't need), Taker countered it with a side slam & they went back to brawling so the match returned to square one again. I assume the "cameraman" Taker suicide dived onto was some jobber from developmental?
Seems HBK didn't do a very good job and Taker might have gone head 1st into the mat but it was hard to tell if that was a work or not. Taker definately cut his face hitting that camera (you could see it on his cheek by his ear) and HBK kicked out of a chokeslam then Taker kicked out from Sweet Chin Music, HBK countered then kicked out of The Last Ride. Amazingly HBK also kicked out of The Tombstone and countered a slam into a DDT, Michaels hit a good flying elbow & hit Sweet Chin Music which Taker kicked out of again. Both guys went back to brawling so yet again back to square 1 we went and the announce table totally miscalled HBK hitting a knee lift by saying it was use of the feet again. HBK went for a reverse Moonsault but The Undertaker caught him & hit another Tombstone to take the win and continue his undefeated Wrestlemania streak which is now 17 wins and no losses. Rating 8/10, wasn't a perfect score due to the possible cameraman flub, being too long by about 10 minutes and going back to the brawling twice which really wasn't necessary.
Vickie Guerrero is pushed to the ring by Chavo. I thought this wheelchair gimmick had been exposed MONTHS ago as totally fake and discontinued as a really bad idea?
World Heavyweight Championship Triple Threat Match - Edge vs The Big Show vs John Cena. Cena's entrance was pretty cool with his army of lookalikes all dressed in his ring gear (I was actually convinced that was Cena leading them down the ramp so they sure suckered me), the rumours are that titles are going to be reunified so it's possible this belt might not exist in the very near future which is no biggie to WWE as its the old WCW Heavyweight title anyway.
The colour guys said about Vickie "her husband Edge" so I assume I missed a kayfabe wedding at some point then? Cena made a nice top turnbuckle legdrop on Big Show who had to move so it'd hit him however this match became a joke once Big Show was tied up in the ropes as Edge speared Vickie (Chavo broke her fall so she doesn't really know how to bump hard) and Cena & Edge hit a double clothesline which slowed the match down and turned it into more of a farce than it already was.
Edge speared Big Show through a barrier into the crowd so a few people got their monies worth at least by getting up close and personal with the action but Cena took the eventual after hitting the FU on Big Show then FU'ing Edge onto the Big Show and making the pin to take the title. Rating - 5/10 and generous at that mainly for work from Edge & Cena.
This years Hall Of Famers are introduced - Terry & Dory Funk Jr, Cowboy Bill Watts, Howard Finkel, Koko B. Ware, The Von Erich Family (represented by Kevin Von Erich), Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat & Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Sell-out Attendance announced as 72,744. Overly long video package recapping events leading up to tonights main event.
WWE Championship - Randy Orton vs HHH. Stipulations are if the champ is DQ'd or counted out he loses the title and by the time the bell rang this match was only going to run for 29 minutes at best as thats all the air time they had left. This started out as a brawl and both guys hit their finishers in the opening few minutes which pretty much left them nowhere to go but down and back to brawling. Bumping the colour desk cameraman for the 2nd time tonight showed that WWE are running out of match ideas, even watching this match at 4x speed it was still slow so it must have been truly awful to watch live with almost no high spots at all (it actually bored me that much I had time to get annoyed at the bald guy with the beard & glasses in the front row who consistently stood up during every match on the card and am amazed the people behind him didn't punch his lights out for blocking their view). The ref bump was dull & predictable and allowed HHH to punt Orton in the head & nail him with the sledgehammer but HHH took the eventual win off the Pedigree. Rating 2/10 and it was generous at that, this was piss poor and I wouldn't have given it away for free on TV let alone have it as the main event on the biggest PPV of the WWE year.
I get the feeling Undertaker finished his match with a concussion after his bad fall and I'd wager Gail Kim near knocked herself out with that Hurricanrana flub too. It's pretty likely both Shelton Benjamin & MVP also hurt themselves after the ladder flub and MVP looked to have been powerbombed almost into the announce desk during the MITB match. Apparently Tag Titles were contested as a dark match which just goes to further reinforce exactly how little regard WWE has for titles or holders.
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