Fatal 4 Way US Championship Match, Kofi Kingston vs William Regal vs Matt Hardy vs MVP - So Kingston finally got himself a title? I've been telling you he was talented & over since day 1, this only proves how right I was. Matt is still as fat as ever & if he had a broken hand surely they couldn't medically clear him to wrestle so thats a total work. For an "Extreme Rules" PPV there was F**K ALL Extreme about this match and it wasn't remotely exciting, Kingston was probably the best worker on show and retained his title after hitting Trouble In Paradise on Regal. Very weak way to open an Extreme PPV.
No Holds Barred Intercontinental Championship Match, Chris Jericho vs Rey Mysterio Jr - I don't know why WWE are making such a big fuss about Mysterio being unmasked here unless they think their fans truly are as thick as pigshit because I'd wager most smarks would be aware that Mysterio was unmasked by Kevin Nash in a WCW match back in the 90's. This went out of the ring to the floor a few times, Mysterio's Suicide Dive was nice but if WWE fans think they were getting Extreme action then they need to be switching to TNA because this kind of move happens as standard on a weekly basis in X Division matches there. The various uses of the chair were fairly nice (by the way the Legdrop with the chair is the Arabian Facebuster which Sabu made famous in ECW & the Drop Toehold into the chair is a move made famous by Raven also in ECW), Jericho managed to ruin the whole match by looking over to see when Mysterio was coming to avoid the 619 and completly f**ked the selling of the avoidance. Jericho took the eventual win after a simple roll-up to become new Intercontinental Champion.
Samoan Strap Match, Umanga vs CM Punk - So to win this you have to touch all 4 corners of the ring one after another with your hand. Punk had a chance to touch a turnbuckle in the opening minute & didn't so you knew they were going to drag this one out especially after Umaga touched 2 within moments of each other. The trouble with this match was not only were the rules not explained very well, they were overly complex & they seemed to be making new rules up as they went along. Punk took the eventual win, the match was as boring as hell and the only remotely Extreme thing was the occasional use of the leather strap. P**s poor excuse for a match if you ask me.
Triple Threat Hardcore ECW Championship Match, Christian vs Tommy Dreamer vs Jack Swagger - Triple Threat rules mean you don't have to pin the champ to win this and Hardcore rules apply as well so weapons are legal (it normally also means no DQ and falls count anywhere but I'm not sure if thats the case here or not). This did at least get Extreme but under Hardcore rules I'm not remotely surprised it did with Dreamer favouring the Singapore Cane (which Matt Striker kept calling a stick and was chastised by his broadcast colleague for continually f**king up) and Christian intially went with a garbage can lid. The 3 man suplex into the 3 garbage cans was pretty cool (and I don't think Dreamers reaction was a work either, he really did jar his ankle as he landed), but Dreamer took the win after nailing Swagger with a crutch then hitting a beautiful DDT to become ECW Champion for only the second time ever (not that this was an unexpected outcome after all the talk of him leaving if he didn't win).
Hog Pen Match, Santina Marella vs Vickie Guerrero - Basically this is mud wrestling in a pig sty, 1st person to get a pin wins the Miss Wrestlemania title. Before this even started Vickie declared it a handicap match and ordered Chavo to fight, I can only guess at how many phone calls to the American Humane Society this match caused with Chavo scaring the poor innocent pigs whose only crime was to be hired for this joke of a match. Chavo was taken out with a slop bucket to the head (the only remotely Extreme thing that happened) and Santina made the pin off the easy roll-up on Vickie to become the new Miss Wrestlemania in this truly AWFUL gimmick match.
WWE Championship Steel Cage Match, Randy Orton vs Batista - Since when have cage matches been won by pin or submission? I guess WWE really have gone to PG status then if they added that to the "only way to win is by escaping the cage with both feet touching the floor" stipulation. P**s poor match with ZERO action, nothing Extreme occurred and Batista took the win off the Batista Bomb to become new WWE Champion. I wouldn't have given this match away for free on tv.
Submission Match, The Big Show vs John Cena - This was very long, extremely boring and totally devoid of anything even vaguely resembling action. Cena took the win off the STF (isn't that actually the Crippler Crossface?) in a f**king AWFUL match where nothing Extreme happened.
World Heavyweight Championship Ladder Match, Edge vs Jeff Hardy - Can anyone explain to me why the old WCW belt is the main event? No doubt somewhere in the world Ted Turner is laughing his ass off that Vince values a WCW belt over his own WWE main title. With roughly 26 minutes to fill from opening bell to the end of the show I expected this to be balls out and all action but the first few minutes was pretty slow until Hardy set up a ladder but Edge flubbed the landing by bailing out of what I assume was supposed to be a backdrop onto the ladder against the apron instead hitting it with his wrist with no-one but himself to blame for losing the confidence to not to do the backdrop Hardy had obviously set up for.
Hardy had the much better match here hitting a nice Whisper In the Wind from halfway up a huge ladder, what the colour guys thought was a running neckbreaker by Hardy looked more like an attempt on a Bulldog driving Edges head into the guard wall in front of the crowd. The double bump from the top of another big ladder breaking a 2nd ladder as they fell was an excellent spot where Hardy definately injured his shoulder.
The mid-air Twist Of Fate was truly brilliant but Hardy climbed the ladder after trapping Edge between the rungs to unhook the belt and Jeff Hardy is the new World Heavyweight Champion. Hardy had a few moments to celebrate & JR came into the ring for an interview when CM Punk came down with his Money In The Bank case and a ref to cash in his title shot against Hardy right there and then.
World Heavyweight Championship, Jeff Hardy vs CM Punk - Punk made a 2 count in moments & Hardy responded with an Inside Cradle that also only got a 2 count, Punk kicked Hardy in the head then hit the Go To Sleep to take the win and CM Punk is the new World Heavyweight Champion.
On the whole this was a p**s poor excuse for a PPV, considering it was Extreme Rules nobody bled at all and only Jeff Hardy made any kind of risky moves although Mysterio gave a vague nod to classic ECW with his use of the chair. If WWE class this as Extreme then they are going to hemorrhage fans to TNA if they see what kind of hardcore style matches go on there. Even ROH is more hardcore than this was. If you class yourself as a wrestling fan and aren't one of Vinces s**t eating sheep give ROH and TNA a look for a few weeks to see what else is on offer in the world of wrestling that isn't sports entertainment.
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