WWE Monday Night Raw 21st Dec 09 reviewed

Its my 1st WWE show since 2nd Oct & my 1st RAW since 28th Sept so I won't apologise for not knowing who people are or what current storylines are either - someone described the show as outstandingly bad so I figured it was worth seeing the show that Vince thinks will keep people from tuning into Hulk Hogan on TNA in a few weeks time. With guest host Johnny Damon who being a baseball star no-one outside of America is going to have a f**king clue who he is. the show devolved into farce with less than 5 minutes having passed with some blonde attacking a guy in a tiger suit with a golf club. So domestic abuse is considered an acceptable thing to lampoon is it?

6 Diva Santas Little Helper Tag Match, Melina, Kelly Kelly & Gail Kim vs Maryse, Alicia Fox & Jillian - Poor Gail Kim, she gave up wrestling in actual matches in a company where she'd been champion & had everything going for her & now shes here wrestling dressed up in some weak ass lingerie gimmick match. I hope that alledgedly MASSIVE pay cheque is filling the empty hole in your career Gail?

As Kim was with the Champ & also on the team that didn't look like $5 hookers after a bad day I assume she's a face at the moment? Kim & Jillian worked an ok program but clearly Jillians never seen any WWE tapes else she'd have avoided the Springboard Flip that cost Chyna her WWE career. I also assume WWE have been trying to get Trish Stratus back unsuccessfully as Maryse looked pretty much exactly like her but not as pretty & nowhere near as talented a worker. I was quite impressed with Kelly who made a lovely Hurricanrana but this match broke down & Kelly took the win by pinning Maryse off an assist from Melina. This could have done with being much longer & we didn't see Melina or Alicia Fox work at all.

If you thought the Tiger Woods skit earlier was stupid then things hit a new level on the lowness scale with this c***py video package about DX being taken to Little Peoples Court. Listen WWE, Peoples Court airs in the US & no-one outside of America was EVER going to get this c***py joke. You have to wonder how much money Vince wasted doing this.

6 Man Tag Match, Randy Orton & Legacy vs Kofi Kingston, Evan Bourne & Mark Henry - I see WWE announcers are still billing Henry as "Worlds Strongest Man" despite the fact the fat f**k has never even taken part in the contest? Listen WWE, he won an Arnold classic event f**king ONCE in 2002! Not a very impressive match at all, Orton mainly stayed out of it but is it me or does Cody Rhodes REALLY look like Johnny Knoxville from Jackass? After things broke down as expected Kingston took the win off Trouble In Paradise off Ted DiBiase Jr.

More backstage c**p & futher c**p from the DX skit that they should have given up on before they bothered airing it.

John Cena vs Jack Swagger - So Cenas still sticking with the thugganomics thing & Swagger still looks like Owen Harts evil twin on Ritalin, I'll assume from his outfit & his catch as catch can preferred style Swagger was an amateur wrestler before he joined the Dub? Oh & someone might want to tell Swagger Scott Steiner called & he wants his gimmick back. Cena took the eventual win after Swagger tapped out of the STF.

Carlito vs Chris Masters (with Eve Torres) - Its bizarre how much of a push Masters is getting for someone who fell foul of the Wellness program & who still looks like he's seriously hitting those 'Roids too. Masters actually reminded me of Paul Roma but his trouble is he's very much a 1 trick pony only ever using the Master Lock, its weird seeing Carlito as a heel at the moment as he was well into a face role the last time I tuned in when he was working having not long broken up tagging with Primo. Masters took the win off the Master Lock after he put Carlito to sleep so its a modified Sleeper Hold then?

Overly long video package schilling WWE's Tribute To The Troops show in case you missed it.

Sheamus vs MVP - Because he's willing to suck HHH's c**k Sheamus now has the WWE Heavyweight title but it doesn't stop him being an Adam "Mythbusters" Savage lookalike. P**s poor match where Sheamus took the win off a Jack Knife Powerbomb, someone might want to tell both Scott Hall & Kevin Nash this ginger Johnny Come Lately is stealing their finisher. John Cena comes out to ask for his rematch but Sheamus bails.

The Miz vs Santino Claus - I'm not sure why Miz was making such a fuss over his belt which is only the old WCW US TV title anyway but here he was facing Santino Marella in a Santa suit, considering that a big part of WWE's audience demographic is kids you had to wonder why they were allowing a guy dressed as Santa to get the s**t kicked out of him. Its a really good way to alienate a large percentage of your viewers, Miz took the win off The Skull Crushing Finale which he stole off Jeff Jarrett, its actually called The Stroke.

Video package for Ted DiBiase Jr in The Marine 2. Its bizarre how WWE have made a sequal to a movie that John Cena starred in yet Cena doesn't appear in it, even more bizarre they pick Ted Jr who hasn't even been on their f**king roster that long. I guess his daddy sucked some major c**k to swing that role for sonny boy then?

The Big Show calls out Santa (with the Bella Twins looking extremely slutty in their Elf outfits) who is revealed by Hornswaggle to be Chris Jericho, the whole skit with the jobber midgets just demonstrated theres no level so low that WWE won't sink to.

If Vince thinks this big old pile of s**t is going to keep him afloat on January 4th 2010 he may as well file for
bankrupcy now. He already proved he has no issues p***ing away company money on c**p like that "Little Peoples Court" hiring all those midgets for the video package & hiring midget wrestlers to job for Jericho & Big Show. Little wonder Linda left to go into politics & Shane has given notice too.

I guess it'll be down to Daddys Little Princess to run the empire into the ground frittering all her money away on shoes & 'Roids for Trips? WWE may not be dead yet but if this is their best defence they are not long
for this world. F**k, Eric Bischoff won't even have to try hard to steal their audience this time.