Make TNA Work

Written Thursday 22nd July 2010 @ 13:26 BST (British Summer Time)

It was pretty important to mention exactly what day AND time I was writing this so you know I take into account last weeks Impact but I haven't yet seen or read any spoilers for this weeks Impact so I am going with all the knowledge I currently have available to me.

Here's who I am - I've been watching wrestling since I was about 5 on a British show called World Of Sport which is long gone but fondly remembered. That was where many American & Canadian promoters scouted for British talent back in the late 70's. Davy Boy Smith & The Dynamite Kid both got their tv starts there. It was best known for creating British icons Big Daddy & Giant Haystacks (who would go on to have a very brief stint in WCW under the name of Loch Ness).

I've been watching American wrestling since I was 12. I'm 40 now so thats WWF from 1982 onwards but it wasn't every week & every PPV. I have been reviewing TNA since 2004, so I'm pretty well qualified to comment on the show & its workers being extremely familiar with both. With TNA I date back to the original Asylum days in Nashville. As far as WCW goes they didn't transmit much in the UK so I didnt get to see much of their product before they folded, my main WCW experience comes from PPV tapes & dvds.

As far as original ECW goes I didn't watch it at all, I didnt get to see any until they started releasing dvds. Modern WWE I haven't watched much of at all since becoming a smark (smart mark) after watching things like Behind The Mat and Secrets Of Pro Wrestling Finally Revealed, also they just dont have very entertaining matches & their "stars" arent very compelling viewing.

I have watched stuff like WSX in its very brief life and also reviewed every episode of Hulk Hogans Celebrity Championship Wrestling also. So I am fairly well educated on wrestling in general and its secrets like booking & kayfabe.

So we've been given the task of improving TNA? Thats not really all that hard as its pretty darn awful right now. The shows we have to fill are:-

1 Two hour show per week going head to head with Raw on a Monday night. - Impact.
Lets address that first then. Going against RAW has already proved to be the 2nd worst mistake TNA have made in their history (after allowing Eric Bischoff to bid for the contract to remodel the Impact Zone & ruin a perfectly good ring gimmick that was VERY over) so thats not going to be happening. Impact will air on Thursday as it has for quite a good long time now. Only it will air live. No more tv tapings allowing the wrestling forums to spoiler shows. Matches will run so none are ruined by commercials. There will no longer be backstage segments (their boring & fill time where matches could be happening) & promos will only be allowed in ring after or before matches & preferably off camera during commercials so as to not bore the home audience.

1 One hour show per week to schedule and do with as you please. - Xplosion.
I've seen Xplosion. Its a poor mans version of WWE Heat or Velocity and those shows were SHIT. So Xplosion is cancelled as of right now. No-one watches it anyway so its a waste of time, money & manpower that can be used better elsewhere. All things TNA can't currently afford to waste as its pretty much been haemoraging money for quite a while now.

Every championship TNA has to do with as you wish:
Using the "current TNA Roster" from the web site which is woefully inaccurate? It lists Daniels (who was released a while back), ODB (who either walked or was fired depending on which version of the story you read) & Scott Hall (who was fired after his alcohol issues which we warned Dixie Carter about but would the silly cow listen to us who knew better? Would she hell!). It also lists Sean Waltman (I have no idea in his current status after his PPV no-show) & Sharkboy (who hasn't been on tv since his trailer burnt down destroying everything he owned).

World Championship - currently held by Rob Van Dam who quite frankly got it too fast, didnt earn it at all & didnt even come close to paying any kind of TNA dues. So he will be dropping that belt & the title will become vacant where it will contested properly not by Johnny Come Latelys or by people picked by the fans (not that we believe those "fan picks" for a second". There will be a proper Gauntlet Match where everyone who is fit will contest for the title. The draw for spots will be made from a hat so its as random as possible, all talent will be informed prior to the match that kayfabe is out of the window and whoever wins will be the guy who wants it most. And RVD will be put into the X Division where he will have to pay his dues for at least 12 months during which he may contest but not hold the X Division title.

Global Championship - formerly the Legends Title or as I used to call it the "Belt I Bought", held by Rob Terry - the man with no talent. Its never meant anything, its never been contested well & its getting retired. It'll be Kevin Nash vs Jeff Jarrett with the stipulation being the winner of the belt retires both themself AND the title from wrestling forever. If they want to stay in TNA they can train or manage. But not wrestle, their both WAY too old & busted up to be in the ring any more. The current incumbant will be made to form a tagteam with Matt Morgan so the 2 biggest & least talented people in TNA can job like they should be doing.

X-Division Championship - currently around the waist of one Douglas Williams where quite frankly its going to hell in a handcart that he's pushing as fast as he can under Hogans orders IMHO. We need an Ultimate X match with everyone from the X Division roster who is currently fit. Everyone starts in the ring under the same instructions as the WC belt, whoever wins will be the guy who wants it the most. Once again kayfabe & booking are out of the window. Williams (who currently gets less heat than the North Pole) will be fired out of a cannon into the sun where he actually MIGHT gain some heat, preferably live on Impact.

World Tag-Team Championship - currently being held by those nice chaps The Motor City Machine Guns who were WAY overdue a title reign. The main issue is TNA only have Beer Money, Team 3D, Generation Me, MCMG and Ink Inc. Five (count them!) tag teams which doesnt really constitute a Tag Team Division in my opinion, I've seen bigger queues for toilets. Does this mean toilets are more popular than Tag Team wrestling in TNA? I guess it does. I dont mind The Guns keeping the title for a bit, they are actually entertaining. Just make at least 5 more tag teams.

Knockouts Championship - which is currently Angelina Love. Again. Do you know how many other people could possibly contest that title as of right now? 8. Thats right TNA have the grand (actually rather crappy) total of 9 female wrestlers available. Yet again my comment about toilet queues seems to apply here. Time to hire at least another 10 female wrestlers. I dont care where from, as long as they can bump & sell.

Knockouts Tag-Championship - Held by The Beautiful People (yet again) but theres currently no other team for them work against seeing as the only other Knockout Tag Team have been shown feuding on-screen so I can only assume its to allow both Taylor Wilde & Sarita to form brand new teams. Their viable partners (if TBP remain together after the mystery woman is revealed) are Hamada, Rosie Lottalove & Daffney as I can't really see Love getting involved with a tag partner right now. I could see Wilde & Hamada making a good team, with Sarita having instigated the feud on a heel turn she could tag with Daffney if she was correctly repackaged with a new gimmick & look.

Heres some interesting facts & figures.
TNA have 42 available men to wrestle.
I'm not counting Bischoff & Flair (Bisch could & Flair has but really SHOULD stop before he dies in the ring) or Hogan (who is no longer fit to after his back operation) in that. Or Taz. Or West & Tenay. Or Willy Urbina & Hector Guerrero.
33 of those men are viable Heavyweight workers.
19 of those men are viable X Division workers.
Theoretically all of them COULD potentially be in a tag team, 10 of them currently are.
There are 9 women who work as wrestlers. Christy Hemme is now retired to announce & Chelsea doesn't wrestle but I hear IS training. SoCal Val can & HAS wrestled in the Indy Feds but as ring girl & occasional announcer I think she has put her in-ring days long behind her. She's been in TNA a long time, IF she was going to wrestle she would have already.