OK, forget everything you know from the original. None of the original cast are involved in this "sequal" and it's only loosely (emphasis on the word loosely!) based on the ideas of the original 80's hit cult movie which is still popular today. This is set in the modern day as we're seeing a base in Afghanistan get destroyed by a UAV right at the start.
And that's exactly where the movie jumps the shark. UAV's aren't armed. Yes, they theoretically could be but as far as I'm aware it's never been tried for real. We get to see the computer that has masterminded this operation and it's called R.I.P.L.E.Y (you're never told what that stands for either), so forget any ideas about seeing Joshua/WOPR from the original movie for the time being.
Everyone says this one just went straight to DVD so that kind of speaks volumes about MGM's confidence in it's ability to get bums on seats. We are introduced to our "hacker" Will Farmer (no evidence of his hacking ability ever really manifests, he's good at chemistry & electronics which doesn't make him a computer hacker) & what I assume will prove to be his love interest, Annie & Will's 1st attempt at hacking is not only a complete failure (as he's busted while doing it) his IP address is also logged and Annie guessed who he was. We also meet Will's mom who works for a chemical company and is clearly a chemist of some kind.
Wills taking money from his neighbours bank account (Mr Massude) isn't a hack (he clearly says he helped him set up the account and knew the password already), we then get 1 nod back to the original movie where they decide against playing Global Thermonuclear War & they choose to play The Dead Code of the film's title. The trace the RIPLEY office are running is NOT on Will but on Massude's pc so all the evidence they were gathering was useless against Will.
Exactly why RIPLEY shut Will's machine down isn't explained (he's only playing an online game?) & also why it felt the need to have to shut down all the electricity in the entire block he lived in as well. Why a counter terrorism agency would see this as a viable target is extremely questionable also the machine RIPLEY would have "infected" with its track bug wasn't Will's anyway, it belonged to Massude. As for RIPLEY activating his mobile phone? I think not, it wasn't connected to the pc and the message wouldn't play unless he actually answered the phone so there's more bad "hacking" science there too.
The RIPLEY agents arrive at Massude's home the next day and take him away (they didn't think to check if the pc was actually in his house when they arrested him?) and Will is given a envelope from Massude by his mother which turns out to contain a lot of money (enough to make Will say "Holy S**t!").
Will searching for the licence plate of the car that took Massude can't be classed as a "hack" as you never see him break into the DMV computer. Now then, as for Will's friend Dennis being able to get off a plane, go back into an airport to "go look for" Will. I highly doubt it in this age of high Airport security, a passenger has to have a pretty good reason to be allowed off a plane once they've boarded.
Likewise the RIPLEY agents who grab Dennis in the airport as he's looking for Will have no authority to arrest or detain him, he committed no offence & neither has Will. Will's mother had not "been stealing chemicals & Bio agents" either, these people clearly don't have their facts straight. And even if she did they had no right to arrest or detain Dennis. Patriot Act or not.
Will's claims to have hacked various databases to see who took Mr Massude are utter s**t, we saw no such evidence of ANY of those alleged "hacks". I also don't know why Will was worried about being arrested for any possible crime in Canada is its a totally different country with different laws to the US.
Once we cut back to RIPLEY its clear the computer has gone rogue and all the action its taken against Will, his mother and Dennis was very unsanctioned by any Government agency. The phone phreak we see Will do is the 1st demonstration of any hacking skill in the movie, we also then get a proper hack into RIPLEY which just seemed far too easy for such a powerful system.
Clearly the "guy" who ran into Annie at the airport & was also watching them in the street was nothing to do with RIPLEY as their agents were the ones in the black car who ran into the coffee house Will piggy backed off. I did wonder why no bystanders were calling the Canadian Police after seeing 2 cars chasing pedestrians on the street & the hugely laughable notion that RIPLEY could track a cellphone whilst it was underground was really ridiculous as was the idea that a computer can read lips.
We get another reference to the original movie when they mention Stephen Falken as the designer of the system RIPLEY replaced, the Joshua Project. I also don't understand why Will & Annie thought they'd have to speak French in Montreal, its a bilingual place. We also discover that the "guy" who ran into Annie is Falken (not played by the original actor sadly) and that he faked his own death.
Falken reveals he knew Will's father and the truth behind both his father's career & death which helps tie up a few loose ends in the plot. RIPLEY also tries & fails to kill one of the agents who is doubting her mission & abilities. We also get to see the original WOPR prop from Wargames as "what's going to help" them beat RIPLEY and it looks a lot smaller than it did in the 80's, but at least they kept the same synth voice used back then for the "Greetings Professor Falken" line.
It's annoying that Falken & WOPR are destroyed so quickly after being hardly used at all (and that the same explosion doesn't kill Will, Annie & the Russian). It's also very annoying & unlikely that after being caught they'd allow Will to keep his laptop. They do try and explain that away but I was already crying "Bulls**t!" at that point. It's also unlikely they'd create a completely self-contained computer system that has the ability to nuke or drop chemical weapons on the country it operates out of.
The whole "Decontamination" plot & idea are just bloody awful & totally unbelievable. Those kinds of orders would have to go through the President or Joint Chiefs Of Staff. So yet another laughable & unbelievable idea.
The IP hacks against RIPLEY aren't done by Will, he just contacts one of his friends who suggests & then implements the idea. It's excessively laughable that Will would get a login just from increasing RIPLEY's operating temperature. Having Joshua as a backdoor into RIPLEY (especially after it had been blown to bits) is an incredible cop-out and screams of a very desperate writer who had no ideas left and wanted to get this movie over and done with.
There is an awful goof where RIPLEY is playing Dead Code and we see a countdown (saying 17 minutes) then RIPLEY says "Decontamination in 30 minutes", how c**p is that when they can't even keep up with their own timer? RIPLEY's attack mission against Philadelphia is halted (far too easily in my opinion) and it decides to attack Joshua in its internal circuits and reroutes the missile aimed a Philly to Washington where RIPLEY is stationed. The idea of the Nuclear exchange to make RIPLEY realise what she's doing won't work (surely she'd already know if she had Joshua inside her as he'd already learnt this lesson in the original movie?) is yet another nod back to the original movie.
Except it's nowhere near as exciting as the original ending, none of the cool explosion noises & effects, none of the suspenseful music over the top of it. It just didn't have that same "edge of the seat" effect as the original did and still does every time I see that segment. Their utter cop-out at having RIPLEY repeat Joshua's exact same words form the end of the original movie just goes to show how many original ideas they were unable to come up with. And Joshua's attempt at "humour" after a near death situation like that just wasn't funny at all.
If you want to point fingers for bad & stolen ideas the men to blame are Randall Badat & Rob Kerchner.
This is an awful movie and is best avoided as it tarnishes the good name of the original and best WarGames.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
My TNA Weekly Catch-up, Impact 26th Jun 08
Ok, catch-up time is here again. Usual caveats apply, I talk about what I feel furthers TNA as a brand and if it's c**p then I say so or just don't mention it if its THAT c**p. I might swear but that's how real people speak, if its likely to offend then either don't read the review or killfile me. ANY feedback on the review WILL be answered if your not in my killfile. Onto the review.
Consequences Creed vs AJ Styles. Clearly TNA management like Creed if their working him with AJ. If you can't get over working off Styles then you never will. This one started off on the mat with some technical wrestling, never a good idea if your trying to get over & in the 1st match of the show. Creed & Styles did then crank it up a few notches from that point. AJ was selling Creed's punches very convincingly. Best move of the match had to be AJ's Pele from out of no-where. AJ took the win off a Styles Clash that Creed sold really well. A good match for AJ & Creed got some good screen time too.
Brother Ray vs Christian Cage - This one was over quick as they had obviously no ideas how to work the match to its expected duration at all. It didn't start well & got thrown out as a DQ for using a foreign object after Johnny Devine tried to help Brother Ray by hitting Cage with a kendo stick & then Ray decided to use it on Cage & the ref called an end to it. As part of the postmatch beatdown Cage was powerbombed through a glass table. You'd never see THAT on a WWE show, that's for sure! Eric Young & Kaz came out to see if Cage was ok.
Once again Awesome Kong comes out with Raisha Saeed to make the $25,000 challenge to the female fans in the Impact Zone.
Awesome Kong vs Danielle (no surname?) from Buffalo, New York (aka Ferrari - manager of Marc Mandrake) - Danielle gave NO offense at all, she took hard bumps (especially against the ring steps). Kong struggled to lift & hold her but eventually Danielle took the Awesome Bomb (thanks mainly on the whole to Danielle's awesomely strong stomach muscles!) & Kong took yet another win against a jobber posing as a fan. During the match we'd seen Kong's competitor from last week Shantelle Taylor at the guard rail and Kong gave her the staredown after the match. Taylor jumped the guard rail and went at it again with Kong. Raisha Saeed tried to interfere and Taylor clocked her hard and continued to take it to Kong just like last week. Security had to separate them and Jim Cornette came out to intervene. Taylor asked to be given a chance saying 1stly she could beat Kong then asked to fight Saeed saying she could beat her. Cornette said they'd talk.
Angelina Love interview segment sticking very much IN character. Nice to see Simon Diamond & Scott D'Amore in yet another of these.
First Round World X Cup Match, The intro's are stopped by MMA star Frank Trigg coming out to the ring to bore us on the mic to sucker AJ Styles out of the locker room so Kurt could sic The Beautiful People onto Karen once he'd gone. Before the actual intro's to this match we get to meet the members of Team International (Daivari, Alex Kozlov, Tyson Dux & Doug Williams from the UK who is now under contract to TNA which hopefully means we'll see more of him in the X Division after this competition is over). We also get to meet all of Team TNA (Curry Man, Kaz & The Motorcity Machine Guns).
First Round World X Cup Match Team Japan (Naruki Doi & Masato Yoshino - thank f**k they gave their names 2 weeks ago) vs Team Mexico (Ultimo Guerrero - no relation to the famous family, apparently the name means "The Last Warrior" & Rey Bucanero aka Arturo Ortiz which means "Buccaneer King" as he used to run a pirate gimmick). This kicked off at a very fast pace & Team Japan were very fluid with their doubleteam on Bucanero but Team Mexico's doubleteam was just as fast & just as good. Yoshino pulled a wicked mad Hurricanrana & they both made an excellent double suicide dive onto Team Mexico outside the ring. Both these teams looked great & worked great (I really liked the reverse faceplant suplex off the top rope that Guerrero made on Doi). Team Mexico got a well deserved win off a wicked corkscrew senton earning 1 point in the World X Cup. The fans gave lots of deserved applause & both teams were excellent here in the kind of match that Rey Mysterio wishes he could get into in the WWE but never will.
Sonjay Dutt (with his 4 guru-ites which are little kids dressed in the guru gear) comes out to bore us on the mic only to get jumped by Jay Lethal. Followed by an overly long & crappy segment from Booker T's dressing room. Followed by a Matt Morgan interview segment.
Anything Goes Knockout Bimbo Brawl, Moose vs ODB. Basically this is a hardcore match between 2 women I've wanted to see fight each other since Moose came to TNA & boy did I get my wish! Moose appeared to be starting this match with a black eye already (look at her right eye, its VERY Bruised & swollen) & ODB gave her a face full of the liquid from the flask and jumped her. ODB was on top and stayed there giving Moose a real hard time, throwing her in the shopping cart & ramming it into the guard rail. ODB showed she could take it as well as dish it out by taking a hockey stick hard to the back. ODB was also convincingly selling being choked by the chain. Moose took 3 hard looking clotheslines and a very good looking fall-away slam as well. Moose really sold the shovel to the head & the kickout was a great touch too. Moose took the eventual win off a double underhook ddt into a chair. Awesome match, WWE Divas couldn't do this on their best day.
Clips from TNA's recent appearances in the UK & the news of more in 2009 as already announced by me, in case you missed it here it is again:-
MAXIMUM IMPACT 2009
Manchester MEN Arena - Tuesday 20th Jan
Birmingham NIA - Wednesday 21st Jan
Glasgow Braehead Arena - Thursday 22nd Jan
London Wembley Arena - Saturday 24th Jan
Manchester MEN Arena - Tuesday 20th Jan
Birmingham NIA - Wednesday 21st Jan
Glasgow Braehead Arena - Thursday 22nd Jan
London Wembley Arena - Saturday 24th Jan
Tickets on sale from Friday June 27th
Names announced were:-
Kurt Angle, Jeff Jarrett, Samoa Joe, AJ Styles, Jay Lethal, Awesome Kong (all also feature on the advert), The Motor City Machineguns. Gail Kim, Abyss, James Storm, Sharkboy, Tomko, Curry Man, Sonjay Dutt "and many other superstars" (card subject to change).
Kurt Angle, Jeff Jarrett, Samoa Joe, AJ Styles, Jay Lethal, Awesome Kong (all also feature on the advert), The Motor City Machineguns. Gail Kim, Abyss, James Storm, Sharkboy, Tomko, Curry Man, Sonjay Dutt "and many other superstars" (card subject to change).
No DQ Match, Booker T vs Kevin Nash. If it's no dq then we can be almost certain there will be interference from at least 1 person in this. I am predicting that right now! This one kicks off slow as to be expected from Nash & Samoa Joe walks down the ramp and takes a seat ringside to watch. Nash makes every move count, making no extras effort to exert himself here. Booker got in Joe's face, pushing him off the chair then smacking him in the head with it. Booker used the chair on Nash, hitting him in the head and knees. Joe eventually recovered enough to climb into the ring and take it to Booker while Nash was on the canvas. Joe "accidently" superkicked Nash when aiming at Booker, got thrown out of the ring by Booker & then Booker T took an easy win. Nash & Joe were squaring up & it took Security to break this one up. Not a good match at all really, more orientated towards a storyline to create a future match between Joe & Nash. The other matches on the card more than made up for the extremely sh**ty main event though.
The Ulitmate Warrior vs Orlando Jordan mini match review
Being brought to you by NWE (Nu-Wrestling Evolution, an Italian based indy fed) we get the intro of Orlando Jordan (formerly of WWE's Smackdown) with his sexy female valet and token hood/security guy/manager. We then get the intro of The Ultimate Warrior with short hair, some of it gray and wearing his old "One Warrior Nation" long overcoat from his WCW days. He seemed to struggle to run to the ring (he looked like he had shinsplint issues to me) and it appears as Jordan is wearing his title, the NWE World Heavyweight Championship is on the line here. We're shown a woman and 2 young girls sitting ringside who I assume are his wife & kids.
Warriors jacket is taken by his kids who he goes down on 1 knee to take a short moment to talk to. Jordan jumps Warrior as he's watching his kids go back to their seats. Jordan's on top for a very short moment with Warrior no-selling everything then Jordan is thrown into the corner and sells every knee lift and punch Warrior gives out. We get a reaction shot of Warrior's wife and kids applauding. Warrior runs into a knee in the chest & Jordan's back on top again, this time Warrior's selling the punches.
Jordan oversells a hiptoss, we get a rope shake from Warrior and the finger to the sky as Jordan takes a breather outside the ring. We get a long lockup where both guys join heads (clearly to discuss tactics), a cutaway to Warrior's nervous looking wife and we missed some action as Jordan had broken away, Warrior is beating his chest and Jordan applies an armbar. Warrior's selling the armbar and Jordan's elbows to the arm well as we see 1 worried daughter mouthing "daddy".
Jordan says something to the crowd which draws boos and good heat for him. We get a reaction shot of the younger daughter booing & giving Jordan a thumbs down. Warrior reverses the armbar with Jordan selling it big time! Jordan breaks out into some crappy looking bearhug type move (worst looking move of the match so far) but Warrior sells like its hurting. Warrior reverses it and his grab doesn't look great either, clearly its an unrehearsed move neither guy has practiced or trusts the other man to do.
This is a wear down move and it came at exactly the wrong time of the match, slowing down the action when they really should have been taking it to the next level. Jordan breaks out and gives Warrior a classic greco-roman takedown which Warrior turns into a single armbar on the canvas. That's broken after Jordan gives Warrior a few elbows to the head as their both standing again. Jordan goes for the bodycheck and Warrior stands strong, beating his chest - old school.
Jordan sweeps his leg to take him down for a 2 count, and a 2nd 2 count on his next pin. Warrior does a backdrop, goes for what might have been a suplex but gets beaten down and is up against the ropes. Warrior then springs Jordan off the ropes into a nice (and quite high) backdrop that Jordan sold like crazy! Warrior is pumping 1 arm into the air as Jordan rolls out of the ring to take another breather.
Warrior waits in the middle of the ring but is tempted out by Jordan's hot female valet to distract him, Jordan takes advantage punching Warrior in the gut. Warrior is (very lightly) thrown against the high metal barriers and we get a reaction shot of his wife looking VERY nervous indeed. Jordan picks Warrior up and runs him back 1st into the ring post which Warrior WAY oversells. Jordan throws Warrior back in the ring, turning his back on him to mimic Warrior by showboating to crowd beating his chest which gives Warrior time to recover & get back up.
Warrior ducks a clotheslines and catches Jordan on his way back off the ropes into a nice powerslam. The referee is in a fucking AWFUL position having to run halfway round the ring to count 2 when Jordan kicks out and crawls to the ropes. Warrior's on his back & has clearly blown up by this point so Jordan is buying him time. Jordan tries to go high risk and is hit by Warrior before he makes the top turnbuckle. Warrior goes up to the 2nd rope and their duking it out clearly setting up for a superplex (which the ref gives them a nice clear signal to execute) and it looks good and Jordan sells it hugely. Jordan rolls an arm onto Warrior to get a 2 count only.
We get a criss-cross with a few bodychecks then a clothesline, Warrior ducks Jordan's clothesline then takes Jordan down with what was probably supposed to be a spear but was WAY too high. The ref makes THE worlds fastest 3 count and your winner is The Ultimate Warrior (which gets big smiley clapping reaction shots from his wife & kids). After a short celebration on his own, Warriors kids join him for a hug. If Jordan's title WAS on the line we didn't get to see Warrior get given the belt. Not a bad match but a few iffy looking moves by both guys and Warrior needs to work on his stamina.
Warriors jacket is taken by his kids who he goes down on 1 knee to take a short moment to talk to. Jordan jumps Warrior as he's watching his kids go back to their seats. Jordan's on top for a very short moment with Warrior no-selling everything then Jordan is thrown into the corner and sells every knee lift and punch Warrior gives out. We get a reaction shot of Warrior's wife and kids applauding. Warrior runs into a knee in the chest & Jordan's back on top again, this time Warrior's selling the punches.
Jordan oversells a hiptoss, we get a rope shake from Warrior and the finger to the sky as Jordan takes a breather outside the ring. We get a long lockup where both guys join heads (clearly to discuss tactics), a cutaway to Warrior's nervous looking wife and we missed some action as Jordan had broken away, Warrior is beating his chest and Jordan applies an armbar. Warrior's selling the armbar and Jordan's elbows to the arm well as we see 1 worried daughter mouthing "daddy".
Jordan says something to the crowd which draws boos and good heat for him. We get a reaction shot of the younger daughter booing & giving Jordan a thumbs down. Warrior reverses the armbar with Jordan selling it big time! Jordan breaks out into some crappy looking bearhug type move (worst looking move of the match so far) but Warrior sells like its hurting. Warrior reverses it and his grab doesn't look great either, clearly its an unrehearsed move neither guy has practiced or trusts the other man to do.
This is a wear down move and it came at exactly the wrong time of the match, slowing down the action when they really should have been taking it to the next level. Jordan breaks out and gives Warrior a classic greco-roman takedown which Warrior turns into a single armbar on the canvas. That's broken after Jordan gives Warrior a few elbows to the head as their both standing again. Jordan goes for the bodycheck and Warrior stands strong, beating his chest - old school.
Jordan sweeps his leg to take him down for a 2 count, and a 2nd 2 count on his next pin. Warrior does a backdrop, goes for what might have been a suplex but gets beaten down and is up against the ropes. Warrior then springs Jordan off the ropes into a nice (and quite high) backdrop that Jordan sold like crazy! Warrior is pumping 1 arm into the air as Jordan rolls out of the ring to take another breather.
Warrior waits in the middle of the ring but is tempted out by Jordan's hot female valet to distract him, Jordan takes advantage punching Warrior in the gut. Warrior is (very lightly) thrown against the high metal barriers and we get a reaction shot of his wife looking VERY nervous indeed. Jordan picks Warrior up and runs him back 1st into the ring post which Warrior WAY oversells. Jordan throws Warrior back in the ring, turning his back on him to mimic Warrior by showboating to crowd beating his chest which gives Warrior time to recover & get back up.
Warrior ducks a clotheslines and catches Jordan on his way back off the ropes into a nice powerslam. The referee is in a fucking AWFUL position having to run halfway round the ring to count 2 when Jordan kicks out and crawls to the ropes. Warrior's on his back & has clearly blown up by this point so Jordan is buying him time. Jordan tries to go high risk and is hit by Warrior before he makes the top turnbuckle. Warrior goes up to the 2nd rope and their duking it out clearly setting up for a superplex (which the ref gives them a nice clear signal to execute) and it looks good and Jordan sells it hugely. Jordan rolls an arm onto Warrior to get a 2 count only.
We get a criss-cross with a few bodychecks then a clothesline, Warrior ducks Jordan's clothesline then takes Jordan down with what was probably supposed to be a spear but was WAY too high. The ref makes THE worlds fastest 3 count and your winner is The Ultimate Warrior (which gets big smiley clapping reaction shots from his wife & kids). After a short celebration on his own, Warriors kids join him for a hug. If Jordan's title WAS on the line we didn't get to see Warrior get given the belt. Not a bad match but a few iffy looking moves by both guys and Warrior needs to work on his stamina.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Monday, June 23, 2008
Movie Review - The Happening
Brought to you by M. Night Shyamalan who had the inkling of an idea, pitched it to the studio then realised he had nothing else BUT that idea but made the film with no script, no plot and 1 idea which never turned into anything. Mark Wahlberg, Zooey Deschanel & John Leguizamo are the stars here, but Leguizamo is killed very quickly once "The Happening" starts & is utterly pointless. He is only there to bring the young girl to the group, nothing more.
Alan Ruck also appears in a "blink and you'll miss it" role as the principal of the school were Wahlberg & Leguizamo work as teachers. Basically this is director Shyamalan's incredibly preachy message about how badly we're treating the planet & that we should do more to save
plants. It's that bad an idea that plants have identified humans as their biggest threat and are now emitting toxins that kill them or cause them to kill themselves. All it does it give them a reason to leave New York and get stuck in the countryside where Wahlberg thinks he's figured out what's causing the deaths. He also thinks its to do with the sizes of groups people are in.
Eventually the "Happening" or event as they refer to it on the news ends as suddenly as it started and we're left in the slightly emptier city where Deschanel is clearly pregnant with Wahlberg's baby and Leguizamo's daughter has been adopted by them both. The film ends (if you can call it an ending) with the same thing happening somewhere in France. Awful film, really weak idea to base it on, it isn't explored enough or explained clearly enough & people are killed off way too easily. Avoid like it's trying to kill you!
Alan Ruck also appears in a "blink and you'll miss it" role as the principal of the school were Wahlberg & Leguizamo work as teachers. Basically this is director Shyamalan's incredibly preachy message about how badly we're treating the planet & that we should do more to save
plants. It's that bad an idea that plants have identified humans as their biggest threat and are now emitting toxins that kill them or cause them to kill themselves. All it does it give them a reason to leave New York and get stuck in the countryside where Wahlberg thinks he's figured out what's causing the deaths. He also thinks its to do with the sizes of groups people are in.
Eventually the "Happening" or event as they refer to it on the news ends as suddenly as it started and we're left in the slightly emptier city where Deschanel is clearly pregnant with Wahlberg's baby and Leguizamo's daughter has been adopted by them both. The film ends (if you can call it an ending) with the same thing happening somewhere in France. Awful film, really weak idea to base it on, it isn't explored enough or explained clearly enough & people are killed off way too easily. Avoid like it's trying to kill you!
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Movie Review - Zathura: A Space Adventure
I'll start by saying this film has nothing to do with the world of Jumanji. There are children in a house who play a board game which comes to life and takes the house into "The Twilight Zone" (Sorry to Rod Serling for sullying his product but I had no other comparison). The similarity ends right there. Take Tim Robbins, a divorced working dad bringing up 2 sons and a daughter. So our first question is why didn't mum get custody? Oh, and in case you were wondering, we never get to see mum anyway. The kids wreck one of his drawings that he needs for a meeting (why his study isn't locked and why he has a drink that can spill anywhere near his work are never addressed.
Dad pops out to work (can you say Home Alone? Quick call Social Services, he abandoned his kids!) and the kids start playing and are very quickly pulled into the world of Zathura where you know they are going to learn moral lessons about getting on with each other and learning tolerance (A film from America is trying to teach the world these things? Get Real! That's like China trying to teach me about freedom!) Big Sister is left in charge and doesn't care about either brother. Again you know by the end she'll be as thick as thieves with both of them. When they run through the house this an obvious set-up to show us how the house is laid out for later in the film so we know how each room interacts with the rest of the house.
The only problem is the dumb waiter, someone "Forgets" how many levels the house has later in the film. Visually the film looks stunning, the Astronauts costume, the Zargon ships and "Goats", the actual game itself looks very 1950's. The Zargons were a bit 1970's Doctor Who type looking. Generally other than that the film is OK. It's a bit slow towards the end and they forget to go right back to the sister after the 5 moves she is frozen for (they go back after the 7th move, I counted) The kids were really annoying, especially the younger one. Tim Robbins could have been in the movie much more. If you want a Jumanji style movie, buy Jumanji.
Dad pops out to work (can you say Home Alone? Quick call Social Services, he abandoned his kids!) and the kids start playing and are very quickly pulled into the world of Zathura where you know they are going to learn moral lessons about getting on with each other and learning tolerance (A film from America is trying to teach the world these things? Get Real! That's like China trying to teach me about freedom!) Big Sister is left in charge and doesn't care about either brother. Again you know by the end she'll be as thick as thieves with both of them. When they run through the house this an obvious set-up to show us how the house is laid out for later in the film so we know how each room interacts with the rest of the house.
The only problem is the dumb waiter, someone "Forgets" how many levels the house has later in the film. Visually the film looks stunning, the Astronauts costume, the Zargon ships and "Goats", the actual game itself looks very 1950's. The Zargons were a bit 1970's Doctor Who type looking. Generally other than that the film is OK. It's a bit slow towards the end and they forget to go right back to the sister after the 5 moves she is frozen for (they go back after the 7th move, I counted) The kids were really annoying, especially the younger one. Tim Robbins could have been in the movie much more. If you want a Jumanji style movie, buy Jumanji.
Movie Review - xXx: State of the Union (aka XXX 2)
Ice Cube is a guy in military prison. He gets 1 hours exercise a day he says. But he's able to defeat an active navy seal team member in a fight. NO! NO! NO! Willem Dafoe is in a desk job. He's most likely been in admin for 5-10 years to get to that position. Most people have lost or forgotten any skills they hadn't used in that long, but he still seems to be able to fight like a special forces operative whose been in constant readiness. Right, we addressed that. The film has a brilliant start. The guy who walked out after 40 Min's who "reviewed" this film? You wasted your money mate! The film had one of the best opening sequences I've seen in a long time. High tech assassins storming a secret NSA base? He didn't like that? And the prison break-out which wasn't as good but still pretty cool. Xzibit was pointless in this film, anyone could have played his role. And he can't act, he was just being his normal self that he is in episodes of "pimp my ride". The girl playing ice cube's girlfriend? I get the feeling there was supposed to be either nudity or a sex scene with her and they cut it to get a lower rating? The outfit she wore, they may as well have left it in, she practically showed all of her breasts anyway.
The car on the rail track (someone should check their physics, I don't think it would have landed on the track at all) was pretty unrealistic. And Ice Cube cant read a speedometer. He was doing somewhere between 140 and 160 miles per hour. Not the bullshit 220 like he claimed, idiot. There aren't many cars on the planet that are road legal that will do that speed. I don't understand why they didn't expose Willem Dafoe's character as a traitor, it would have made for a much better ending. And no-one believes Xander Cage is really dead, not after you state Samuel L. Jackson is dead then suddenly he isn't. I think the next triple x, in order to be a total surprise should be a white girl. And certainly not another black rapper (sorry, ex-rapper has-been) who can't act.
The car on the rail track (someone should check their physics, I don't think it would have landed on the track at all) was pretty unrealistic. And Ice Cube cant read a speedometer. He was doing somewhere between 140 and 160 miles per hour. Not the bullshit 220 like he claimed, idiot. There aren't many cars on the planet that are road legal that will do that speed. I don't understand why they didn't expose Willem Dafoe's character as a traitor, it would have made for a much better ending. And no-one believes Xander Cage is really dead, not after you state Samuel L. Jackson is dead then suddenly he isn't. I think the next triple x, in order to be a total surprise should be a white girl. And certainly not another black rapper (sorry, ex-rapper has-been) who can't act.
Movie Review - X-Men: The Last Stand (aka X-Men 3)
I'm reviewing the DVD version & I've watched it with both sets of commentary & seen all the deleted scenes but not the Easter Eggs. The film is too short and would have benefited for most of the deleted scenes being put back in. The film is based around Jean Greys transformation into Dark Phoenix. And right there the film makers lose everyone who isn't an X-men comic fan.
Killing off Scott (Cyclops), Jean and Charles (Professor Xavier) are all really bad ideas. Even with the little tease that he has moved bodies at the end of the film. Having Magneto lose his powers (or not?) and Mystique lose her powers too.
The film tries to use big action set pieces to make it watchable. And the fight in Jean's home and at the prison are over done far too much. Vinny Jones is just plain stupid as are Magneto's new sidekicks. the plot could have been a lot better but it was nice finally see Beast and Jubilee (even if they were in very small roles). It was totally pointless calling this The Last Stand, as we know they will make an X-men 4.
Killing off Scott (Cyclops), Jean and Charles (Professor Xavier) are all really bad ideas. Even with the little tease that he has moved bodies at the end of the film. Having Magneto lose his powers (or not?) and Mystique lose her powers too.
The film tries to use big action set pieces to make it watchable. And the fight in Jean's home and at the prison are over done far too much. Vinny Jones is just plain stupid as are Magneto's new sidekicks. the plot could have been a lot better but it was nice finally see Beast and Jubilee (even if they were in very small roles). It was totally pointless calling this The Last Stand, as we know they will make an X-men 4.
Movie Review - Wrong Turn 2: Dead End
In reviewing the original Wrong Turn I didn't say much, hated the movie & hoped they didn't make a sequel. Guess what they went and did? Made a sequel. Gee, thanks - NOT! Like the last film your thrown right into the action, a pretty blond actress on her way to a reality TV project knocks over one of the mountain people, breaks at least one of his legs and gives him serious concussion. But he comes around in less than 2 minutes to bite her face off.
When we see the second mountain person I lost interest right there, Only 1 mountain person survived the 1st film so that's goof #1 right there! The reality TV cast members are introduced to us as well as a few members of the crew.Very early one 1 girl is established as a vegan (to no doubt be set-up to eat meat or be disgusted by something involving meat later, predicting that now!). Henry Rollins' line about "Post Apocolyptic Crazies are waiting all around to take you down", well he wasn't to know how right he was? It was pretty predictable that the token Asian Guy died 1st. Henry Rollins as a former Marine Colonel gets captured by the mountain people WAY too easily.
The camera guy is caught by his girlfriend getting a blow job so you know he is going to die! It also gets the producer girl killed by an Axe in the head as she escaped from the house. Cutting to the cameraman boyfriend (totally unaware his lady is dead) with the girl who had been giving him a blow job pulling on her panties is there to tell us they have had sex while his girlfriend was being killed. As any good horror fan knows that means both of them will die, having had sex. We also get a shot of one of the mountain people who had obviously been watching them and we're supposed to assume he's masturbating as he watches the girl. She is killed by the girl of the mountain people (slashed to death in a stream) and now we're getting to see the mountain people's faces a lot so their no longer sticking with the old horror convention of "the less you see the monster the more scary it is".
Rollins manages to get free, has a brief fight and kills one of the mountain men (there appear to be 5 of them, so that leaves 4?) with a shotgun. The scene between him and the old man (it is obvious he IS the father of mountain people) is played out to quieten down the pace of the film. The father gets a good death scene (blown apart by a stick of dynamite), leaving us with 4 of the freaks left. As the surviving group of contestants escapes they hear the sounds of sex (again?) and it's the brother & sister of the mountain people family practicing incest. The survivor group then break the next horror film rule by splitting up (never split up, safety in numbers!).
The black jock saves Nina from a mantrap, only to re-injure his shoulder (he's only been talking about it for the whole film to this point!). Jones & Amber are captured by 2 stupidly simple traps. Jones is killed by the son of the mountain people (arrow through the eye) and it appears he also killed Amber with same arrow. Funny that, my money was on Amber to live as a female Marine. The cameraman boyfriend (M) is killed next by the sister of the mountain people (some sort of cleaver, chopping his head off) and the blond girl is captured outside the camera truck as the black jock watches M die on camera.
As predicted the vegan girl is fed cooked human flesh (the ultimate insult to her as a vegan of course but was so easily predicted by me). Then having shown us an industrial grade shredder you know someone will later be thrown into or fall into that, it was an obvious set-up for a future scene. Rollins cuts himself to lay a fake trail of blood to follow (to obviously lead the brother and sister into a trap). He shoots the brother in the back with an arrow but it has dynamite on blowing him up (it is unknown at this point if the sister was blown up too but I assumed she was). Now Nina looks like she was secured by her arms to the chair by razor-wire. Rollins uses his knife to free her but she gets cut pretty badly.
Rollins is finally killed by a combination of 2 arrows to the torso and a chain bolas around the throat (but he had been stabbed previously 3 times as well) after freeing Nina and the black jock. The father tries to feed the black jock into the shredder (what did I tell you, this film is nothing if not predictable?) but Nina comes back, knocks over the mother to save the Jock, the mother half pulls the father out but Nina slams them both into the shredder with by releasing a previously unseen log (Ah! it's a shredder to make logs into paper because its a Paper Mill!).
The final scene is a little naughty as clearly the film makers lost count how many of the mountain family had died (all of them except the baby, even though the daughter was never actually seen to die) with an unseen and assumed male mountain person feeding the families baby on the chemicals that caused them to deform. Weak Film, Weak and VERY Predictable plot and extremely weak ending. It's a bad film when the film makers can't keep track of how many of their own characters they've killed.
When we see the second mountain person I lost interest right there, Only 1 mountain person survived the 1st film so that's goof #1 right there! The reality TV cast members are introduced to us as well as a few members of the crew.Very early one 1 girl is established as a vegan (to no doubt be set-up to eat meat or be disgusted by something involving meat later, predicting that now!). Henry Rollins' line about "Post Apocolyptic Crazies are waiting all around to take you down", well he wasn't to know how right he was? It was pretty predictable that the token Asian Guy died 1st. Henry Rollins as a former Marine Colonel gets captured by the mountain people WAY too easily.
The camera guy is caught by his girlfriend getting a blow job so you know he is going to die! It also gets the producer girl killed by an Axe in the head as she escaped from the house. Cutting to the cameraman boyfriend (totally unaware his lady is dead) with the girl who had been giving him a blow job pulling on her panties is there to tell us they have had sex while his girlfriend was being killed. As any good horror fan knows that means both of them will die, having had sex. We also get a shot of one of the mountain people who had obviously been watching them and we're supposed to assume he's masturbating as he watches the girl. She is killed by the girl of the mountain people (slashed to death in a stream) and now we're getting to see the mountain people's faces a lot so their no longer sticking with the old horror convention of "the less you see the monster the more scary it is".
Rollins manages to get free, has a brief fight and kills one of the mountain men (there appear to be 5 of them, so that leaves 4?) with a shotgun. The scene between him and the old man (it is obvious he IS the father of mountain people) is played out to quieten down the pace of the film. The father gets a good death scene (blown apart by a stick of dynamite), leaving us with 4 of the freaks left. As the surviving group of contestants escapes they hear the sounds of sex (again?) and it's the brother & sister of the mountain people family practicing incest. The survivor group then break the next horror film rule by splitting up (never split up, safety in numbers!).
The black jock saves Nina from a mantrap, only to re-injure his shoulder (he's only been talking about it for the whole film to this point!). Jones & Amber are captured by 2 stupidly simple traps. Jones is killed by the son of the mountain people (arrow through the eye) and it appears he also killed Amber with same arrow. Funny that, my money was on Amber to live as a female Marine. The cameraman boyfriend (M) is killed next by the sister of the mountain people (some sort of cleaver, chopping his head off) and the blond girl is captured outside the camera truck as the black jock watches M die on camera.
As predicted the vegan girl is fed cooked human flesh (the ultimate insult to her as a vegan of course but was so easily predicted by me). Then having shown us an industrial grade shredder you know someone will later be thrown into or fall into that, it was an obvious set-up for a future scene. Rollins cuts himself to lay a fake trail of blood to follow (to obviously lead the brother and sister into a trap). He shoots the brother in the back with an arrow but it has dynamite on blowing him up (it is unknown at this point if the sister was blown up too but I assumed she was). Now Nina looks like she was secured by her arms to the chair by razor-wire. Rollins uses his knife to free her but she gets cut pretty badly.
Rollins is finally killed by a combination of 2 arrows to the torso and a chain bolas around the throat (but he had been stabbed previously 3 times as well) after freeing Nina and the black jock. The father tries to feed the black jock into the shredder (what did I tell you, this film is nothing if not predictable?) but Nina comes back, knocks over the mother to save the Jock, the mother half pulls the father out but Nina slams them both into the shredder with by releasing a previously unseen log (Ah! it's a shredder to make logs into paper because its a Paper Mill!).
The final scene is a little naughty as clearly the film makers lost count how many of the mountain family had died (all of them except the baby, even though the daughter was never actually seen to die) with an unseen and assumed male mountain person feeding the families baby on the chemicals that caused them to deform. Weak Film, Weak and VERY Predictable plot and extremely weak ending. It's a bad film when the film makers can't keep track of how many of their own characters they've killed.
Movie Review - Wrong Turn
Far too much like a lot of other horror flicks in this genre. People being chased through a forest by people who want to kill them for no reason at all. Right. We start with 2 rock climbers getting killed and you know the film is going to be pretty blood ridden. Then we see a guy in a hurry to an interview. He isn't ever going to get there but that's not important. It's the fact that he took a short cut. And was drink driving. (Yes, I saw the beer he was chugging from in his hand. Not many people notice that). Then crashes into a Range rover because he isn't looking where he's driving. How can a cd be so important that you have to keep driving while you aren't even looking. I'd rather he died right there. He deserved it.
Then we meet the people he hit. Forget 2 of them, their dead within minutes of us meeting them. Bye Bye Stoner Bloke, Bye Bye Lindy Booth (or least it looks like her). The car the bloke hit was stopped by barbed wire and we find out this was a trap left by inbred mountain men who trap, kill and eat people. There aren't many scares, most of the film is predictable and the fact that one of the three mountain men is seen to have survived an explosion is really obvious.
I hope they don't bother making a sequel.
Then we meet the people he hit. Forget 2 of them, their dead within minutes of us meeting them. Bye Bye Stoner Bloke, Bye Bye Lindy Booth (or least it looks like her). The car the bloke hit was stopped by barbed wire and we find out this was a trap left by inbred mountain men who trap, kill and eat people. There aren't many scares, most of the film is predictable and the fact that one of the three mountain men is seen to have survived an explosion is really obvious.
I hope they don't bother making a sequel.
Movie Review - World Trade Center
I don't think Hollywood should be making any movies about 9/11. Not this, not United 93. They would have been better served donating the money raised to finance this film to the families of those who lost people in the twin towers. I am amazed they only got 1 big Hollywood name to try and hang this whole film on. yes, Nicolas Cage sells tickets but not all on his own. there should have been at least a few other names. And don't try telling me Maggie Gyllenhall sells tickets. I have no idea who she is or what else she's been in.
This film really can only be watched in the DVD format with the commentary of the men who were there and the rescuers (which is included along with Oliver Stone's commentary. You will learn some interesting things you may not have previously known but this story was NEVER strong enough to be a movie. TV featurette maybe, movie, no way. Sorry.
Movie Review - The World's Fastest Indian
A wonderful feel good movie! This a review of the DVD version. Take the wonderful Sir Anthony Hopkins who is a fellow Welshman & we share the same birthday! Have him playing Burt Munro, a man who wants to ride his 1920's Indian Motorcycle faster than 200 mph ot the Bonneville Saltflats. He isn't a young man, in his 70's and his bike is rebuilt and held together with anything he can find. This is the story of his trip to America and across the country in his quest to ride his motorcycle to a land speed record for it's class.
This looks beautiful & is a real feel good film. You find yourself getting behind Burt & supporting him like everyone else at the Salt Flats. This is a true story but I would have liked to have known how many things in the film really are true (like the policeman letting him off after speeding in Nevada). My only real gripe with the movie is the accent of the taxi driver who takes Burt to Hollywood, his accent comes and goes which annoyed me a little bit. Watch it with an open mind and be enthralled.
This looks beautiful & is a real feel good film. You find yourself getting behind Burt & supporting him like everyone else at the Salt Flats. This is a true story but I would have liked to have known how many things in the film really are true (like the policeman letting him off after speeding in Nevada). My only real gripe with the movie is the accent of the taxi driver who takes Burt to Hollywood, his accent comes and goes which annoyed me a little bit. Watch it with an open mind and be enthralled.
Movie Review - Wedding Crashers
Another film where I wish I could give 0 as a score, I actually gave it 1/10. I'm not really sure exactly what kind of audience this film is aimed at. It's clearly not aimed at men. If it were, Vaughn would not have been such a pussy to allow himself to get trapped by the mad bunny boiler played by Isla Fisher and end up getting married. Likewise Wilson would not have fallen in love. It's clearly not aimed at women, the films demeans them and makes them looks like sex objects and sluts who sleep with men at the drop of a hat. It's clearly not a date movie. If a guy were to take a women to this for a date she'll know exactly what he expects after the film, sex. And having seen the film most women won't be in the mood at all, despite the really weak "Feel Good" ending.
This is supposed to be about 2 men who gate crash weddings and then receptions to meet women and have sex with them, and then leave before they wake up. They have a clear set of rules and invent rules when they feel like it. I'm quite amazed that there are no rules regarding what to do if your fellow crasher starts ignoring the rules. Try Rule 1:- Every man for himself.
The film shows Vaughn and Wilson (by the way, can't he afford plastic surgery on his nose? It looks bloody awful!) attending several weddings then going to the receptions. Are they never asked for invitations at the receptions? Every wedding I've ever been to, the reception was invite only and there's always someone checking invites on the door. Normally 2 people so between the 2 of them they know everyone coming through the door.
Any crashers then get the cold shoulder and shown the door, or never make it inside. I don't know why they even bother going to the actual wedding and just go to the reception. It's rare a reception happens RIGHT after the actual wedding. Most have a private invite/close family/friends only dinner and then an evening do which is also invite only. One of the rules is about getting in at all costs and another states why bother with invites. In that case why aren't there any scenes where Wilson & Vaughn have to bluff their way into the parties? Or any scenes of them failing to get in at all.
The only party either one gets kicked out of is the most obvious, the engagement of Wilson's love interest. Not a wedding, an engagement. Aren't they screwing with their own rules here? Pointless. Going to a family house after a wedding as well. Way, way off the rules in my opinion. Right there Vaughn should have left Wilson to try whatever he wanted - he was already in danger from a female and should be allowed to think of himself 1st. This film looks nice. It's way, way too long. By about an hour. It's boring, the plot circles round aimlessly looking for places to go and never really manages to get any where.
The outcome at the end is against all rules of wedding crashing. The appearance of Will Ferrall is not needed. The ideal ending would be Wilson crashing Vaughns wedding and rescuing him and taking him to a different wedding to crash or them going to the new thing to crash - A funeral.
Avoid this like the plague.
This is supposed to be about 2 men who gate crash weddings and then receptions to meet women and have sex with them, and then leave before they wake up. They have a clear set of rules and invent rules when they feel like it. I'm quite amazed that there are no rules regarding what to do if your fellow crasher starts ignoring the rules. Try Rule 1:- Every man for himself.
The film shows Vaughn and Wilson (by the way, can't he afford plastic surgery on his nose? It looks bloody awful!) attending several weddings then going to the receptions. Are they never asked for invitations at the receptions? Every wedding I've ever been to, the reception was invite only and there's always someone checking invites on the door. Normally 2 people so between the 2 of them they know everyone coming through the door.
Any crashers then get the cold shoulder and shown the door, or never make it inside. I don't know why they even bother going to the actual wedding and just go to the reception. It's rare a reception happens RIGHT after the actual wedding. Most have a private invite/close family/friends only dinner and then an evening do which is also invite only. One of the rules is about getting in at all costs and another states why bother with invites. In that case why aren't there any scenes where Wilson & Vaughn have to bluff their way into the parties? Or any scenes of them failing to get in at all.
The only party either one gets kicked out of is the most obvious, the engagement of Wilson's love interest. Not a wedding, an engagement. Aren't they screwing with their own rules here? Pointless. Going to a family house after a wedding as well. Way, way off the rules in my opinion. Right there Vaughn should have left Wilson to try whatever he wanted - he was already in danger from a female and should be allowed to think of himself 1st. This film looks nice. It's way, way too long. By about an hour. It's boring, the plot circles round aimlessly looking for places to go and never really manages to get any where.
The outcome at the end is against all rules of wedding crashing. The appearance of Will Ferrall is not needed. The ideal ending would be Wilson crashing Vaughns wedding and rescuing him and taking him to a different wedding to crash or them going to the new thing to crash - A funeral.
Avoid this like the plague.
Movie Review - War of the Worlds (remake)
OK, this visually looks excellent. It sticks quite close to the actual book. Mr H. G. Wells was British. The book was set in England. Then that egotistical idiot Orson Wells put it on the radio and set it in America - forever clouding the mind of every American to be born after this.
The Jeff Wayne musical version followed the book the most closely by actually being in England. This film at least tries to stay close to the original storyline without being set in England. This film stinks of a story line that says "America versus The Terrorists!", The Terrorists being The Martians that have lived amongst us unseen for years. The red weed growing on Earth and the walking Tripods are all as seen by H. G. Wells in the book.
Visually the film looks fantastic, but rather shockingly the visible cast only contains 3 stars. Tom Cruise, Dakota Fanning & Tim Robbins. Of course if the voice of Morgan Freeman is included then it still only makes 4 sale-able known names. How the makers managed to sell that idea to the studio, only 4 big stars to back the movie? The main gripe of this film is how the boy playing Cruise's son managed to avoid the Apocalypse Now style Explosion, that thing would have killed anyone with in 20-30 feet of it. No real other gripes with the movie but lots of the science could have holes torn into it. Watch it, enjoy it. I did like this film and found that genuinely surprising. I tend to expect to hate things hyped this much.
Movie Review - The War of the Worlds
The original & the best! This is still a very good and very watchable film even now. All the Martian "sounds" are pretty much part of the mainstay of Science Fiction sound effects today.
The 1st big mistake is the heat ray that the ship fires to kill the first 3 men when the "meteor" hatch unscrews. The EMP(electro magnetic pulse) that seems to stop watches. Back in 1953 most if not all watches would be clockwork, EMP would NOT effect clockwork). The film sets The Martians as totally different from humans, creating an "Us & Them" situation mirroring the East Versus West fears of The Cold War in an already paranoid America telling it's people to beware of Reds Under The Bed. Of course the first response is to send in the military to try and suppress the Martians. Even though only 3 men and a plane and its crew have been destroyed, it is already clear that back then the concept of "acceptable losses" had not been formed.
The reaction to "blast them right off the Earth", is a typical macho attitude of the time with America thinking there is nothing their military can't stop. The Priest who has the idea to try to communicate is acting as the voice of reason which is totally ignored of course. He is of course unaware that 3 men already tried this & died. For 1953 the special effects of the ships flying is still quite good and stands the test of time pretty well. The middle of the film is pretty dull, with the capture of the electronic eye and the Martian Blood. It seems to only be there to fill time until they decide to drop a nuclear weapon on the Martians.
Again the Americans trying to show superior firepower, almost mirroring their actions in WWII.
No-one ever bothers to find out why the Martians came, what they wanted. Those things seem to be unimportant to the people of Earth. It's funny that they think using a bomb will allow people to go back to their homes when they would be unable to returns for years after because of the radiation. The fact that so many people look at the blast (it would burn out their retina's) and that one of the scientists tries to ask about the result by radio (the blast would knock it out for miles around) are two more VERY big goofs. Also the evacuation of the cities is far too calm and orderly, there would be mass panic everywhere.
At least the scenes of looting and manic chaos seem real. And another goof, the main scientist goes past lots of abandoned cars in the cities but he'd already been told anything on wheels was being hijacked. People turn to religion as they think it's the end of the world but the ships just start falling out of the sky as though it's divine intervention. In the end it's left to the scientists to try and find a way to stop the Martians which ends up being something so simple that kills them, the ordinary germs.
The 1st big mistake is the heat ray that the ship fires to kill the first 3 men when the "meteor" hatch unscrews. The EMP(electro magnetic pulse) that seems to stop watches. Back in 1953 most if not all watches would be clockwork, EMP would NOT effect clockwork). The film sets The Martians as totally different from humans, creating an "Us & Them" situation mirroring the East Versus West fears of The Cold War in an already paranoid America telling it's people to beware of Reds Under The Bed. Of course the first response is to send in the military to try and suppress the Martians. Even though only 3 men and a plane and its crew have been destroyed, it is already clear that back then the concept of "acceptable losses" had not been formed.
The reaction to "blast them right off the Earth", is a typical macho attitude of the time with America thinking there is nothing their military can't stop. The Priest who has the idea to try to communicate is acting as the voice of reason which is totally ignored of course. He is of course unaware that 3 men already tried this & died. For 1953 the special effects of the ships flying is still quite good and stands the test of time pretty well. The middle of the film is pretty dull, with the capture of the electronic eye and the Martian Blood. It seems to only be there to fill time until they decide to drop a nuclear weapon on the Martians.
Again the Americans trying to show superior firepower, almost mirroring their actions in WWII.
No-one ever bothers to find out why the Martians came, what they wanted. Those things seem to be unimportant to the people of Earth. It's funny that they think using a bomb will allow people to go back to their homes when they would be unable to returns for years after because of the radiation. The fact that so many people look at the blast (it would burn out their retina's) and that one of the scientists tries to ask about the result by radio (the blast would knock it out for miles around) are two more VERY big goofs. Also the evacuation of the cities is far too calm and orderly, there would be mass panic everywhere.
At least the scenes of looting and manic chaos seem real. And another goof, the main scientist goes past lots of abandoned cars in the cities but he'd already been told anything on wheels was being hijacked. People turn to religion as they think it's the end of the world but the ships just start falling out of the sky as though it's divine intervention. In the end it's left to the scientists to try and find a way to stop the Martians which ends up being something so simple that kills them, the ordinary germs.
Movie Review - War of the Dead
Not even a B movie. Man this is AWFUL! You're dropped right into the deep end of a very cheap looking movie & given a female vampire & a 1st death VERY early into the film (the opening credits hadn't even finished!) & a stupid hand to hand fight (why bother when you've got a handgun?). The vampire's easy death looked far too fake & predictably was. If they were trying to say praying over water makes it holy (sorry, you need a high level priest to bless water to make it holy) then that's just bad research. Cutting to the diner and the acting in there was truly awful indeed. The guy playing the clueless highway patrol officer is a dire actor, not once does he return fire when shot at.
The girl playing the special agent generally over-acts in most of the scenes she's in and the whole film seems very much like it was made by students as an end of year project. The whole "scared of mice" thing seemed like it wasn't going to go anywhere. I do agree that the incidental music is just plain awful and clearly added on very late in production as an after thought. We are finally given an explanation that German Zombies from WW2 are hunting down and killing the Americans that killed them. Yes, a stupid idea for a plot but it's certainly never been done before. The very notion that they'd recognise people after 60 yrs has passed is one of the minor plot flaws. The fact that their uniforms are in such great condition is another one.
The reason for the dead Germans wanting revenge is how they were mistreated before they were killed and it seems they can only be killed by the WW2 weapons. In the final encounter the local cop is bitten and infected and the special agent goes 1 on 1 with the last German Zombie (why she pulls her modern gun on him I don't know) but it seems the final Zombie has a death wish and is strangled by the last living GI. We find out that the special agent herself is a Zombie and she cures the local cop and she advises him to join her in the fight against monsters. Bad ending to a truly awful film
The girl playing the special agent generally over-acts in most of the scenes she's in and the whole film seems very much like it was made by students as an end of year project. The whole "scared of mice" thing seemed like it wasn't going to go anywhere. I do agree that the incidental music is just plain awful and clearly added on very late in production as an after thought. We are finally given an explanation that German Zombies from WW2 are hunting down and killing the Americans that killed them. Yes, a stupid idea for a plot but it's certainly never been done before. The very notion that they'd recognise people after 60 yrs has passed is one of the minor plot flaws. The fact that their uniforms are in such great condition is another one.
The reason for the dead Germans wanting revenge is how they were mistreated before they were killed and it seems they can only be killed by the WW2 weapons. In the final encounter the local cop is bitten and infected and the special agent goes 1 on 1 with the last German Zombie (why she pulls her modern gun on him I don't know) but it seems the final Zombie has a death wish and is strangled by the last living GI. We find out that the special agent herself is a Zombie and she cures the local cop and she advises him to join her in the fight against monsters. Bad ending to a truly awful film
Movie Review - Wallace & Gromit in The Curse of the Were-Rabbit
Who the were-rabbit was, was obvious. I'd guessed that way before it was revealed. Lots of aardman characters show up, like frank the creature comforts tortoise as a security device. I also saw the lurpak butter guy as one of the church door-posts. The whole king Kong skit, the snoopy & red baron skit. Lots of little throw-away gags which most people will want to buy the DVD to watch. I think a lot of the plot and some running gags were thrown away as maybe too hard to do in the time limit to get the film into cinemas.
The film is visually excellent. It looks so nice, the CGI doesn't show too much. Some of the models look a little weird. A few of the Wallace models look a bit weird, it's hard to explain what I exactly mean. He doesn't look right. The film could have done with being a bit longer, maybe 20 minutes or so more in length. I enjoyed it, I switched off my brain, ignored the goofs, gaffs and mistakes (which is normally quite hard for me not to do). It was pleasantly stupid. Go see it or wait for the DVD.
The film is visually excellent. It looks so nice, the CGI doesn't show too much. Some of the models look a little weird. A few of the Wallace models look a bit weird, it's hard to explain what I exactly mean. He doesn't look right. The film could have done with being a bit longer, maybe 20 minutes or so more in length. I enjoyed it, I switched off my brain, ignored the goofs, gaffs and mistakes (which is normally quite hard for me not to do). It was pleasantly stupid. Go see it or wait for the DVD.
Movie Review - Walking Tall
the rock Isn't an actor. he tries but fails to act. he can fight, raise his eyebrow and smile pretty for the camera but i've seen dogs act better than him. the fight scenes are pretty well done but i thought he'd be a better fighter as a former special forces guy. is it ever actually mentioned WHICH special forces unit he serves in? yes, you see a pendant but it isn't very helpful. johnny Knoxville, god - he's awful. can someone please shoot him? save us from his attempts to be funny, act or try to be a stuntman. go away Mr Knoxville. these 2 guys become the law in the town and then right away become law breakers themselves, Chris Vaughan smashing a cars lights and Knoxville and the rock destroying a car. also when i watched this film it made me think they'd stolen lots of the script from Rambo - first blood. Special forces guy, bad sheriff, shoot outs. far too similar. watch this film and turn off your brain. i was amazed there weren't more WWE wrestlers as stunt-men seeing as Vince was executive producer. wished i hadn't bothered with this now. never mind.
Movie Review - Victory (aka V For Victory)
Mistake in film! As The French are digging in the sewers a big mistake in continuity occurs.
They have been digging in the sewers under the team bath. My first query is how do they know they are under the correct dressing room and not about to break into a room full of Germans? They do miraculously dig into the correct bath. Which is very full.
They break through the floor, and the water pours out the hole in the floor. The guy at the top of the ladder is barely wet but that's not the mistake. The walls of the tunnels where the water just fell through as they go down the ladder are bone dry, as is the ladder. Someone forgot about the water they just released. Idiots.
They have been digging in the sewers under the team bath. My first query is how do they know they are under the correct dressing room and not about to break into a room full of Germans? They do miraculously dig into the correct bath. Which is very full.
They break through the floor, and the water pours out the hole in the floor. The guy at the top of the ladder is barely wet but that's not the mistake. The walls of the tunnels where the water just fell through as they go down the ladder are bone dry, as is the ladder. Someone forgot about the water they just released. Idiots.
Movie Review - V for Vendetta
This film is getting 5/10 on it's visuals alone. Imagine you've seen a trailer for a film, it looks brilliant. Full of thrills, action packed, explosions and good actors. Then it's released onto DVD very quickly. That should be your first indicator that all is not good. Including the film. If you have seen the movie or TV trailer for this film then you have not only seen the best bits of the film you know pretty much how it ends seeing as it's shown in the trailer.
Set in some future England, where we are ruled by an oppressive government who control every aspect of our lives and any thought of rebellion is destroyed. We have V. No, stop hoping you are going to see his face as it never happens. Yes, I spoiled that fact for you but I didn't want you wasting your hope. Hugo Weaving plays the mysterious man in the mask who seeks to bring down the terrible tyrannical government and instill hope into the hearts of the populace and free them from their mental and physical shackles.
Natalie Portman plays Evey (but anyone could have played her, quite frankly, Portman brings nothing special to the role at all). Stephen Fry plays her boss, a man with secrets of his own and the excellent John Hurt plays the Chancellor of England, the maniac behind the tyranny. This film is bits of things like 1984, THX1138, The Island, Logans Run and other films about Dystopian futures. There are no new ideas and the creators of The Matrix just generally rehash part of their own movie trilogy. Having never read the comic I have no clue how close this is to that. I watched this with an open mind but was disappointed.
Set in some future England, where we are ruled by an oppressive government who control every aspect of our lives and any thought of rebellion is destroyed. We have V. No, stop hoping you are going to see his face as it never happens. Yes, I spoiled that fact for you but I didn't want you wasting your hope. Hugo Weaving plays the mysterious man in the mask who seeks to bring down the terrible tyrannical government and instill hope into the hearts of the populace and free them from their mental and physical shackles.
Natalie Portman plays Evey (but anyone could have played her, quite frankly, Portman brings nothing special to the role at all). Stephen Fry plays her boss, a man with secrets of his own and the excellent John Hurt plays the Chancellor of England, the maniac behind the tyranny. This film is bits of things like 1984, THX1138, The Island, Logans Run and other films about Dystopian futures. There are no new ideas and the creators of The Matrix just generally rehash part of their own movie trilogy. Having never read the comic I have no clue how close this is to that. I watched this with an open mind but was disappointed.
Movie Review - Very Bad Things
OK 1st the cast. Cameron Diaz who does pretty much nothing for a large amount of the movie. Christian Slater totally type cast as a mad idiot, one of the burglars from Home Alone (he's also in City Slickers), a guy who was in Alien Resurrection, a guy who was in Friends as a boyfriend. The grand total of 2 people whose names I knew & the rest were faces I half recognized from other films or TV.
I really can't see how the hooker was killed, she has something in the back of her head, obviously a drunken accident during frantic sex. Why they didn't call the police right away? Everyone apart from 1 man and the hooker were in the same room. They were all drunk. As soon as they start planning the cover-up they are incriminating themselves.
Call the police, CSI go over the crime scene and work out what happened. The only person worrying about the drugs is the only person who took any. It wasn't murder but as soon as they start planning to cover it up and hide the body then they are committing a crime.
They argue that long that Hotel security turn up. Legally he hasn't got the right to stroll in the room so the drugs he sees are inadmissible as evidence. Christian Slater then attacks him with a corkscrew (once he spots the dead hooker) and kills him so right now he's guilty of murder, drugs offenses & also conspiracy to conceal a crime.
The idiots then clean up the crime scene, cut up the bodies and bury them in the desert. Have these chaps never seen CSI Las Vegas? The desert shifts and moves, things uncover eventually. All the bull going on in the desert, separating their bodies and fighting and praying. How did no-one drive past and notice what they were doing? The newspaper reports the missing security guard and everyone suddenly goes mad. Seeing a police officer drives one of the men to paranoia. His children screaming for candy, he should have just got into the van and driven away. It would have prevented all the crap that happened inside.
Adam is succumbing to more paranoia at the wedding rehearsal dinner. Seeing as he was the only person who wanted to call the police from the 1st moment. The voice of sense, but calling the guy getting married (Mike) a murderer was a bit too much. It was an accident, wet floor, drugs, drink.
Mike hitting the mini-van was totally pointless and lying to the police about arguing was also pointless. Killing Mike or is it Adam (we can't tell who is who, that's how easy the film is to follow. Especially with 2 actors who looks so physically alike) shortly after wards, utterly pointless. The film has gone from the stupid to the ridiculous.
From here the whole religious aspect start getting a bit too intense. It just degrades into a bunch of Angry men shouting at each other, being too intense and fooling themselves into the illusion they did nothing wrong.
The brother seriously over-acts unhappy at the funeral. Then another shouting match, the film is basically a large collection of shouting matches. The guy who died had left a note confessing to the whole killing of the hooker and security guy to his widow.
They then lie to the widow telling her a modified version of the actual events. It's obvious from the look on his face Slater was going to kill the widow. I don't see why he then kills her husband to cover him killing her. Right there should be where the other men who are alive should have turned on Slater and killed him or turned him in. After all it's him that suggests the cover up and screams to not call the police and he killed the hotel guard.
During a session with a lawyer the guy getting married confesses everything to his fiancé.
Finally we reach the wedding. Diaz kills Slater (apparently) but he overcomes what looked like having his head crushed with a coat stand and it's Cameron's turn to become a heartless killer sending hubby out to kill the final friend who knows, bury him & Slater and lose the dog they've acquired through the death of Mike & his widow.
He almost kills the friend but their involved in a head-on crash traveling back. The friend is thrown through both car windscreen and the guy loses his legs some how. Why he and his wife end up caring for the friend is beyond me but the weak ending tops off a generally weak film that was never going any where anyway.
My Advice? Avoid this film if possible.
I really can't see how the hooker was killed, she has something in the back of her head, obviously a drunken accident during frantic sex. Why they didn't call the police right away? Everyone apart from 1 man and the hooker were in the same room. They were all drunk. As soon as they start planning the cover-up they are incriminating themselves.
Call the police, CSI go over the crime scene and work out what happened. The only person worrying about the drugs is the only person who took any. It wasn't murder but as soon as they start planning to cover it up and hide the body then they are committing a crime.
They argue that long that Hotel security turn up. Legally he hasn't got the right to stroll in the room so the drugs he sees are inadmissible as evidence. Christian Slater then attacks him with a corkscrew (once he spots the dead hooker) and kills him so right now he's guilty of murder, drugs offenses & also conspiracy to conceal a crime.
The idiots then clean up the crime scene, cut up the bodies and bury them in the desert. Have these chaps never seen CSI Las Vegas? The desert shifts and moves, things uncover eventually. All the bull going on in the desert, separating their bodies and fighting and praying. How did no-one drive past and notice what they were doing? The newspaper reports the missing security guard and everyone suddenly goes mad. Seeing a police officer drives one of the men to paranoia. His children screaming for candy, he should have just got into the van and driven away. It would have prevented all the crap that happened inside.
Adam is succumbing to more paranoia at the wedding rehearsal dinner. Seeing as he was the only person who wanted to call the police from the 1st moment. The voice of sense, but calling the guy getting married (Mike) a murderer was a bit too much. It was an accident, wet floor, drugs, drink.
Mike hitting the mini-van was totally pointless and lying to the police about arguing was also pointless. Killing Mike or is it Adam (we can't tell who is who, that's how easy the film is to follow. Especially with 2 actors who looks so physically alike) shortly after wards, utterly pointless. The film has gone from the stupid to the ridiculous.
From here the whole religious aspect start getting a bit too intense. It just degrades into a bunch of Angry men shouting at each other, being too intense and fooling themselves into the illusion they did nothing wrong.
The brother seriously over-acts unhappy at the funeral. Then another shouting match, the film is basically a large collection of shouting matches. The guy who died had left a note confessing to the whole killing of the hooker and security guy to his widow.
They then lie to the widow telling her a modified version of the actual events. It's obvious from the look on his face Slater was going to kill the widow. I don't see why he then kills her husband to cover him killing her. Right there should be where the other men who are alive should have turned on Slater and killed him or turned him in. After all it's him that suggests the cover up and screams to not call the police and he killed the hotel guard.
During a session with a lawyer the guy getting married confesses everything to his fiancé.
Finally we reach the wedding. Diaz kills Slater (apparently) but he overcomes what looked like having his head crushed with a coat stand and it's Cameron's turn to become a heartless killer sending hubby out to kill the final friend who knows, bury him & Slater and lose the dog they've acquired through the death of Mike & his widow.
He almost kills the friend but their involved in a head-on crash traveling back. The friend is thrown through both car windscreen and the guy loses his legs some how. Why he and his wife end up caring for the friend is beyond me but the weak ending tops off a generally weak film that was never going any where anyway.
My Advice? Avoid this film if possible.
Movie Review - Van Wilder 2: The Rise of Taj
1stly this entire film is based on a total misconception. British Universities have NO fraternity system what so ever. So the need for interhouse cups & challenges doesn't actually exist. Take 1 character from the original Van Wilder and move him to England. Then put him amongst as many British stereotypes as possible. The British University system actually allows people from all over the country to attend Universities so all accents and classes are represented.
The only actors most Brits are going to know are Taj's parents, One from Eastenders and one from The Kumars and Goodness Gracious Me. This is a very poor representation of Britain and the British University system which is nothing like this. Fencing? A rarely played sport. Most Black Tie University Balls are conducted at the end of a term too. As for the very racist notion that the Upper class don't welcome Asians to our country is total rubbish. Many areas of Britian have huge Asian Communities.
This is a bad film with no basis in reality and very poor stereotypes, few of which actually exist in modern Britain. Oh, and doesn't EVERYONE know Earl of Grey is joke about Earl Grey, the type of Tea?
The only actors most Brits are going to know are Taj's parents, One from Eastenders and one from The Kumars and Goodness Gracious Me. This is a very poor representation of Britain and the British University system which is nothing like this. Fencing? A rarely played sport. Most Black Tie University Balls are conducted at the end of a term too. As for the very racist notion that the Upper class don't welcome Asians to our country is total rubbish. Many areas of Britian have huge Asian Communities.
This is a bad film with no basis in reality and very poor stereotypes, few of which actually exist in modern Britain. Oh, and doesn't EVERYONE know Earl of Grey is joke about Earl Grey, the type of Tea?
Movie Review - Van Wilder
I expected to hate this & was surprised to find it was very funny. very well made & some excellent set pieces. The rather disgusting but very funny scene of the rich kids eating the dog cum cakes. the fact that the rich boyfriend could'nt have sex for longer than 10 seconds. the film is generally a large amount of national lampoons animal house and some good character. Van Wilder is excellently played, not too hard & not too far. All the main actors work very hard especially van's 2 room mates who develop very well during the course of the movie. It's nice to see the back story of how Van helps the nerds & the swim team & various other parts of the school.
I didn't really care too much for the girlfriend, and the pledges were very irritating . I've always hated the entire concept of the Greek system in American schooling, it totally stamps on the concept of the underdog and those who dare to be different. Van and his friends and the geeks are the true stars of this film, especially the Asian guy and the black dude.
at the end of the day this is a well made and very funny movie with an interesting message and a good outcome. it may not be totally feel good factor stuff but it's well worth a look if you haven't seen it.
I didn't really care too much for the girlfriend, and the pledges were very irritating . I've always hated the entire concept of the Greek system in American schooling, it totally stamps on the concept of the underdog and those who dare to be different. Van and his friends and the geeks are the true stars of this film, especially the Asian guy and the black dude.
at the end of the day this is a well made and very funny movie with an interesting message and a good outcome. it may not be totally feel good factor stuff but it's well worth a look if you haven't seen it.
Movie Review - Vampires
Is James Woods the biggest name in this? Daniel Baldwin is nobody & Maximillian Schell (playing a cardinal) was only known for The Black Hole. I was annoyed by the big goof that the vampire entered their hotel suite without being invited (twice, when he bit the hooker and when he came in the front door). This is a really well known rule (that a vampire can NOT enter an abode without being invited) and that annoyed me. I also realized I'd seen this as soon as I saw the priest. I caught the original version of The Fog the previous day on TV, that had worn well with age. This film despite being newer had not worn well. From reading some of the forum postings this is based on a book? Who by? Obviously the vampire hunters have a set of rules as they are both constantly quoting them at each other.
Woods cuts the heads off all his dead friends (and the hookers and sheriff) and stakes them all to ensure they stay dead and don't become vampires. I assume this is to make us feel sorry for him in some way? Well it totally didn't work here then. And am I the only one whose going to point out the goof where Wood's tosses the lighter. It'd go out before it ever hit any of the gasoline. Why Montoya undresses the stripper in the hotel room (It'd look suspect as hell if room service came in there), I assume it's to stop her escaping (A vampire isn't going to have nudity issues, are they?). Woods does debunk some of the Hollywood vampire mythology but he doesn't debunk the entering a room myth. The master vampire also enters a church (so the not allowed on hallowed ground myth is rubbish as well?) Montoya is infected when the girl tries to escape (because he was an idiot and trusted her) but tried to cauterize his wound to stop himself being infected. He also lies to Woods about what happened in the room.
They manage to find out where the master is by the hookers link to him (in San Miguel) and Montoya lies to Woods again about being tired (when he's turning into a vampire). We then find out why Woods has been teamed with a priest who was previously a scholar, he tells him about the sign for the sun. The Master then descends on a monastery with a group of 7 master vampires (one of whom looked very much like Charlie Sheen). Woods tells us it took 5 days for his father to become a Vampire (but the hooker and Montoya seemed to turn much quicker than that). The Vampire group kills all the monks and find the cross that they have been looking for that will allow them to walk in the day. (also debunking the "crosses kill vampires" myth).
The hooker leads the vampire hunters to the monastery full of dead monks. She then guides them to the abandoned town where the masters nest is. The Priest kills his 1st vampire (and goes a bit mental). The priest is sent (unarmed?) to lure the vampires into the elevator to try and kill the 7 minor master vampires that the main master has brought with him. The hooker starts to remind me more of a Pfeiffer sister as she turns into a vampire. They kill 2 minor masters (a Man and a woman who breaks the jeep winch) before nightfall. As night comes it appears they have infected the whole town and the hooker has turned in Montoya's jeep as she attacks him. (It took her 2 days to turn, by the way).
Woods discovers the cardinal (Schell) had betrayed his group in the town. Montoya saves Woods from being burnt at the cross as the villagers/vampires are forced to retreat back into the prison at the rising of the sun. (Oh and he manages to walk past lots of bits of daylight without catching fire, BIG GOOF!) Woods kills the main master Vampire far too easily by exposing him to sunlight, and has a weak emotional scene with Montoya allowing him to have a 2 day head start to flee with the vampire hooker (Vaya Con Dios means Go with God, by the way).
Weak ending with the priest becoming a swearer like Woods (and Montoya was played by Daniel Baldwin? NO WAY! He's the spitting image of Anthony La Paglia hence me thinking it was him for the whole review, I actually had to edit the entire review for each time I'd written his name because of that!).
Woods cuts the heads off all his dead friends (and the hookers and sheriff) and stakes them all to ensure they stay dead and don't become vampires. I assume this is to make us feel sorry for him in some way? Well it totally didn't work here then. And am I the only one whose going to point out the goof where Wood's tosses the lighter. It'd go out before it ever hit any of the gasoline. Why Montoya undresses the stripper in the hotel room (It'd look suspect as hell if room service came in there), I assume it's to stop her escaping (A vampire isn't going to have nudity issues, are they?). Woods does debunk some of the Hollywood vampire mythology but he doesn't debunk the entering a room myth. The master vampire also enters a church (so the not allowed on hallowed ground myth is rubbish as well?) Montoya is infected when the girl tries to escape (because he was an idiot and trusted her) but tried to cauterize his wound to stop himself being infected. He also lies to Woods about what happened in the room.
They manage to find out where the master is by the hookers link to him (in San Miguel) and Montoya lies to Woods again about being tired (when he's turning into a vampire). We then find out why Woods has been teamed with a priest who was previously a scholar, he tells him about the sign for the sun. The Master then descends on a monastery with a group of 7 master vampires (one of whom looked very much like Charlie Sheen). Woods tells us it took 5 days for his father to become a Vampire (but the hooker and Montoya seemed to turn much quicker than that). The Vampire group kills all the monks and find the cross that they have been looking for that will allow them to walk in the day. (also debunking the "crosses kill vampires" myth).
The hooker leads the vampire hunters to the monastery full of dead monks. She then guides them to the abandoned town where the masters nest is. The Priest kills his 1st vampire (and goes a bit mental). The priest is sent (unarmed?) to lure the vampires into the elevator to try and kill the 7 minor master vampires that the main master has brought with him. The hooker starts to remind me more of a Pfeiffer sister as she turns into a vampire. They kill 2 minor masters (a Man and a woman who breaks the jeep winch) before nightfall. As night comes it appears they have infected the whole town and the hooker has turned in Montoya's jeep as she attacks him. (It took her 2 days to turn, by the way).
Woods discovers the cardinal (Schell) had betrayed his group in the town. Montoya saves Woods from being burnt at the cross as the villagers/vampires are forced to retreat back into the prison at the rising of the sun. (Oh and he manages to walk past lots of bits of daylight without catching fire, BIG GOOF!) Woods kills the main master Vampire far too easily by exposing him to sunlight, and has a weak emotional scene with Montoya allowing him to have a 2 day head start to flee with the vampire hooker (Vaya Con Dios means Go with God, by the way).
Weak ending with the priest becoming a swearer like Woods (and Montoya was played by Daniel Baldwin? NO WAY! He's the spitting image of Anthony La Paglia hence me thinking it was him for the whole review, I actually had to edit the entire review for each time I'd written his name because of that!).
Movie Review - Untraceable
I'll start by saying the idea for this film isn't an original one. Yes, it was done in Millennium. It was done in a Uk show MANY years before Millennium ever thought of it though. And I'm sure I've seen another movie (British Indy made) do this subject as well. Basically we've got a psycho killer using the internet to kill people. You've got a female FBI agent working in computer crimes whose stupid enough to be running a wireless network at home and doesn't seem to have educated her daughter towards downloads, Trojans, spyware or anything else.
You'd think she'd at least have all remote access features turned off on her home machine? You'd also think at 8 years old her daughter would have taught not to leave the house in her pyjamas, especially if it appears someones filming the house live from the outside. Clearly the very stupid apple doesn't fall very far from the extremely stupid tree. Her partner getting caught and killed is pretty dire to be honest. How did the killer even get a sample of the girlfriends voice? The partner had only met her once.
To be honest the killers actual motive for killing the 2 people related to his dad is an extremely tenuous and weak link at best. He has NO motive to kill the FBI guy at all. He knows it's going to lead to his eventual capture. The Female FBI agent is a truly stupid idiot with no brain, having called in for help, she's told a police car is coming then she returns to her hijacked car and is captured (obviously). The trouble there is once the killer takes her car they can track it anywhere using the Onstar system that's built into it (whether he'd hacked it or not they could still trace the car - a fact they seemed to overlook).
The "he disabled the car computer" line, that's an incredibly huge cop-out on the writers part there. The fact that the killer is stupid enough to have parked under the bridge where the police can see him is an even huger cop-out. By now the writer is admitting "I haven't got any ideas so I'm going to spoon feed you the ending no matter how awful it is". The idea he took her to her own house to kill her is a super weak idea and obviously she was going to escape. Why he was talking about poisoning her then started feeding her into a shredder? Very weak ending to a generally awful film that wasn't even an original idea or original genre. Done miles better in things like Saw or Cube.
You'd think she'd at least have all remote access features turned off on her home machine? You'd also think at 8 years old her daughter would have taught not to leave the house in her pyjamas, especially if it appears someones filming the house live from the outside. Clearly the very stupid apple doesn't fall very far from the extremely stupid tree. Her partner getting caught and killed is pretty dire to be honest. How did the killer even get a sample of the girlfriends voice? The partner had only met her once.
To be honest the killers actual motive for killing the 2 people related to his dad is an extremely tenuous and weak link at best. He has NO motive to kill the FBI guy at all. He knows it's going to lead to his eventual capture. The Female FBI agent is a truly stupid idiot with no brain, having called in for help, she's told a police car is coming then she returns to her hijacked car and is captured (obviously). The trouble there is once the killer takes her car they can track it anywhere using the Onstar system that's built into it (whether he'd hacked it or not they could still trace the car - a fact they seemed to overlook).
The "he disabled the car computer" line, that's an incredibly huge cop-out on the writers part there. The fact that the killer is stupid enough to have parked under the bridge where the police can see him is an even huger cop-out. By now the writer is admitting "I haven't got any ideas so I'm going to spoon feed you the ending no matter how awful it is". The idea he took her to her own house to kill her is a super weak idea and obviously she was going to escape. Why he was talking about poisoning her then started feeding her into a shredder? Very weak ending to a generally awful film that wasn't even an original idea or original genre. Done miles better in things like Saw or Cube.
Movie Review - Unknown
Take 5 men who wake up in a sealed warehouse. gradually as each man wakes up a web of lies and intrigue is spun. No-one trusts anyone else. 3 of the men are kidnappers and the other 2 have been kidnapped. If you like films like Saw then you will Love this! The plot twists and turns.
I don't know any of the main cast. I did recognise the millionaire guy from a WW2 film about soldiers. And Eric Delko from CSI Miami. This film is constantly developing and will leave you guessing right up to the moment of the final credits. well worth the look.
Movie Review - Universal Soldiers
In a half hearted attempt to continue the Universal Soldier franchise but move away from the well established role for Jean Claude Van Damme, this film has been made. The director uses the old cliché of "don't show the monsters" a great deal during this film. We are presented with a group of human soldiers, Scientists and a Special Agent, they are low on ammo and up against an unknown enemy. One of the scientists who helped create them is killed and for soldiers low on ammo they blast away merrily at a target they can hardly see with no regard to ammo levels.
The group are gradually killed one by one (another old cliché in this kind of film). We are told these soldiers are Marines (so why are some of them women and how come their Lt has NO idea how to carry a rifle? Oh, and Marines NEVER leave their dead behind, it's a very long standing tradition in the Corps.) In a later scene the Lt is on the radio to another squad of "Marines" (I say it in inverted comma's because they have THE worst radio Com's procedures I've ever heard, swearing every 3rd or 4th word).
You can tell this is a really low budget production from the no-name cast and the really cheap mainly outdoor near no-where locations. None of the "Marines" wear anything that identifies them as Marines or any rank insignias. They are just in cheap camouflage gear. Most of the group are in constant hysterics or on the verge of an anger breakdown. Pretty bad discipline for "Marines". The really bad continuity when they are having firefights against the (unseen) enemies, watching the rifles suddenly have BFA's (Blank Firing Attachments) appearing then disappearing as quickly when the firing stops. ( I noticed this in every scene rifles were fired, regardless of who was firing them, it shows no armorer was employed to teach weapon safety or handling).
Eventually after about the 300th row between the Marines and the Scientists (or it just felt like that many to me) the group splits, another scientist is killed (his injury should have been MUCH worse if it were from a shotgun at such close range, another sign of low budget - no money for gore). We are then told one of the Universal Soldiers is a shape-shifter. As for the Lt giving the order "Fall out, Fall out"? I think he meant stand-to. Didn't he even know THAT basic bit of terminology? Now these Universal Soldiers are pretty much nothing like the previous films. They seem to be cyborgs or genetically created people to be Super Soldiers. Not reanimated corpses of previously dead soldiers.
We are constantly shown an electronic HUD style view (a bit like Predator but not as pretty) which I assume is how the Universal Soldiers are supposed to see, this is another way for the director to allow his bad guys to not be seen. When they are seen, they are seen to move very quickly or are partially obscured by other objects, we never get a good long look at one of them.
In any good look at them you see their costumes are cheap and nasty looking, real B movie stuff. Ed Wood would have been proud of them. Really awful white face make-up and metallic style facial plates to add to the cyborg impression. Oh, and a question? For a man with no bullets about 2 minutes earlier, how did Joe fire his pistol at the rock? When we do finally get our 1st good long look at one of the Universal Soldiers he looks like a very cheap bad rip-off of a Borg from Star Trek. Joe manages to get into the computer bunker, kills the one Universal Solider that hadn't been finished (yes, his empty gun fired even more shots!)
The final sequences of this movie where they are defending a door (obviously with NO glass in it!) to reboot the system to shutdown the Universal Soldiers is so bad it's funny! Having called for help and going to meet a chopper with 14 minutes left of the film you know there is still at least 1 big scare left to come. Obviously it turned out to be they weren't all shutdown and the one you thought Joe had killed wasn't dead. The script kept re-using lines from Predator (including the infamous "one ugly mother" line).
Kate's battle with Skylar (the best and most sophisticated of the Universal Soldiers) is laughable. The great goof is that the "wooden" stake she's stabbing him to death with manages to bend, showing to be made of anything but solid wood. While Kate is cleaning herself up in a nearby stream some Terminator style looking robot is coming online somewhere on the island. It's hard to tell the scale of the robot but from how it picks up and throws a telegraph pole I assume it's a giant robot! Clearly it's entirely CGI (and is what we were watching during the opening titles I finally realized!) and all the budget was spent on it. It's chasing her towards some electrical generating station in what seemed to be a predictable death to come. Which it was!
Of course the lone female escapes alive to debrief her commanders and the records of her dead friends are erased from the Marines computers. The film even plays out on the old Predator end title music!
Movie Review - Ultraviolet
You can't sell a film on a pretty actress, action scenes & lots of CGI. It needs a good story to bind it together & a plot to drive it from start to finish. The film is obviously based on a comic of some sort judging from the opening titles, and they try to hard to stick to the comic style. The plot gets left by the wayside and they go for lots of action and fighting which really doesn't help the film very much. Yes, Milla looks excellent in her various costumes which change colour on her as she wears them. The buildings and backdrops look stunning. You can tell that the fight scenes were made to look so fast by over-cranking the camera to get the illusion of more speed.
Sadly the film suffers from being over-cut. The DVD contains an alternate start (much better than the one used in the film) and several cut scenes (which I would have included in my version, I assume they were cut for pacing reasons) & some extended versions of already existing scenes (which were improvements on the actual scenes themselves). This film promised a lot & delivered a little. Milla gives a really bad DVD commentary, saying nothing for most of the movie. Not saying much when she does speak. The extra features are nothing special either. Generally a disappointing film. Try Jet Li in "Fearless", that was miles better than this.
Sadly the film suffers from being over-cut. The DVD contains an alternate start (much better than the one used in the film) and several cut scenes (which I would have included in my version, I assume they were cut for pacing reasons) & some extended versions of already existing scenes (which were improvements on the actual scenes themselves). This film promised a lot & delivered a little. Milla gives a really bad DVD commentary, saying nothing for most of the movie. Not saying much when she does speak. The extra features are nothing special either. Generally a disappointing film. Try Jet Li in "Fearless", that was miles better than this.
Movie Review - Twister
this gets a 4/10 purely for how Helen hunt looks (foxy). I'll get you over some facts first, this isn't about the board game where you spin the spinner & get tied up in knots. It's about the mental idiots who chase storms for a living to try and enhance the science of weather prediction and tornado behavior. going from being no-one in Terminator, to being second string in Aliens, Bill Paxton plays the starring role of Bill (just in case he can't remember his own characters name i assume?), a former storm chaser about to settle down into married life (again) with a new wife and a new job as a weather man. he has gone out the field to see his ex wife played by the lovely looking Helen Hunt to get her to sign his divorce papers, but he's taken his new wife to be with him.
there are lots of howling goofs in this film (the biggest two being a jeep can't use it's 4X4 ability to get out of a tiny shallow sided ditch and that the tornado can pick the jeep up but not the bridge made of wood?). I don't even bother with the bad science or the really awful Wizard Of Oz references and the totally pointless showing of The Shining. Unless you want to look at Helen Hunt in a tank top for the whole film, I'd not bother. It hasn't worn well with age.
there are lots of howling goofs in this film (the biggest two being a jeep can't use it's 4X4 ability to get out of a tiny shallow sided ditch and that the tornado can pick the jeep up but not the bridge made of wood?). I don't even bother with the bad science or the really awful Wizard Of Oz references and the totally pointless showing of The Shining. Unless you want to look at Helen Hunt in a tank top for the whole film, I'd not bother. It hasn't worn well with age.
Movie Review - Treasure Planet
It looks excellent and is generally a wonderful adaptation of Robert Louis Stephenson's Treasure Island. I've seen a lot of different versions including The Muppet one but this is by far the best of them all. The animation and characters are excellent. the cast aren't bad even though I could only recognise David Hyde Pierce and Emma Thompson.
It was well made and even if it did make a loss for Disney it has the makings of a film that could become a cult classic for characters like Morph and Ben. Loved it, even if it is supposed to be for the kids.
It was well made and even if it did make a loss for Disney it has the makings of a film that could become a cult classic for characters like Morph and Ben. Loved it, even if it is supposed to be for the kids.
Movie Review - Transporter 2
Lola, she was a stunner. Basically the whole reason to watch the film. Any scene she isn't in is rubbish. She's a bit too hot for her own good really. And the lingerie wasn't well thought out. If you are going to put a girl like her in black stockings and then have a back shot, make them seams, please? It's a lot nicer and a great deal more erotic and visually appealing. The whole finding the boy in the back of the lorry was a bit rubbish, very anti-climatic. I was half expecting the lorry to explode when the mum opened it and it turned out to be a dream sequence so she's still pining for her missing son.
Most of the big car stunts look really fake. I'd have rather they tried to stage them than just use CGI. And even after the car had been chased over the roofs and car parks it still had no dents or marks? The dad and the police chief are woefully underused, they could have added so much more. If your just wanting a sexy lady & some action then this is your movie. It should be excellent on DVD.
Most of the big car stunts look really fake. I'd have rather they tried to stage them than just use CGI. And even after the car had been chased over the roofs and car parks it still had no dents or marks? The dad and the police chief are woefully underused, they could have added so much more. If your just wanting a sexy lady & some action then this is your movie. It should be excellent on DVD.
Movie Review - Transformers
We get some background which gives us a head-start on the plot with the Optimus voice-overs at the start of the film. The action comes pretty early into the film and I'm pretty happy we get to see some of my favourite robots. Starscream (didn't he used to be an F-15?), Soundwave (who their calling Frenzy) & Bumblebee. I liked the use of the "More than meets the eye" line twice and they actually DID use the Transform noise that we all know, love and grew up hearing in the 1980's.
Basically this is The Autobots trying to stop The Decepticons getting hold of a cube that can animate technology to allow them to create an army aligned to them. The robots look brilliant and the original voice artist returned to voice Optimus so it was like the time had never passed.
I would have liked to have known more about the boys grandfather and his back-story when he discovered Megatron. At least the ending was open enough to allow a sequel to be made. This wasn't really worth the wait as some of the battles were shot and cut too fast to make them watchable which seems to be a problem lots of current films are suffering from. The look of the robots made it watchable and the plot wasn't bad.
Movie Review - To End All Wars
James Cosmo, Robert Carlyle & the token Hollywood Superstar Keifer Sutherland are the main protagonists here. Playing soldiers captured by the Japanese during World War 2 who are made to build a railway. On its own this is an amazing movie with a brilliant cast (especially the supporting actors) but when you find out at the end it is based on a true story it makes it even better. Some of the atrocities committed by the Japanese are truly awful, beating a prisoner on his 1st day at a camp for disobeying a rule he hadn't even been informed of. Forcing prisoners to sign something that says they won't try to escape. Executing prisoners in cold blood (James Cosmo is murdered for refusing to sign and haranguing the Japanese Commander). The Japanese are constantly referring to Bushido, The Warriors Code of Honour but never once are they honourable in their conduct to their prisoners.
Even when they are rewarding them with gifts, they are giving them Red Cross parcels that rightfully belong to them anyway. There are many examples of extreme violence and senseless cruelty towards prisoners that may put many potential viewers off. Making men dig graves then shooting them into the graves they have just dug for themselves (at the very start of the film!).
Almost beating a man unconscious for not bowing to a guard even though no camp rules have been explained to them as new prisoners. Beating a man until he is crippled with a shovel for theft even though it is discovered no theft occurred, it was a simple mis-count.
Crucifying a man is the worst example of this cruelty. This film is difficult to watch at times but deserves to be much better known about. Watch it and pray no war ever happens like this again.
Even when they are rewarding them with gifts, they are giving them Red Cross parcels that rightfully belong to them anyway. There are many examples of extreme violence and senseless cruelty towards prisoners that may put many potential viewers off. Making men dig graves then shooting them into the graves they have just dug for themselves (at the very start of the film!).
Almost beating a man unconscious for not bowing to a guard even though no camp rules have been explained to them as new prisoners. Beating a man until he is crippled with a shovel for theft even though it is discovered no theft occurred, it was a simple mis-count.
Crucifying a man is the worst example of this cruelty. This film is difficult to watch at times but deserves to be much better known about. Watch it and pray no war ever happens like this again.
Movie Review - TMNT (AKA Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
I didn't know this was CGI. Mako, despite actually being of Oriental descent sounded like someone doing a REALLY BAD Oriental accent impression. The back story on this is a bit pants. 3000 yrs ago some bad army took over the world, someone became immortal. Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah. As for the Turtles characters themselves. I don't remember Micheangelo being so stupid, or Raphael being so angry and aggressive. His Nighwatcher alter ego seemed a bit pointless. I did like the fact that the foot clan were in the film and there were a few continuity references to Shredder (and even a little picture of him at the start of the film).
The monsters in their "Armour" looked like something out of Warhammer 3000. I did enjoy seeing April but Sarah Michelle Geller wasn't the right voice for her (why couldn't they have hired the original cartoon voice of April?). Patrick Stewart made an excellent villain voice too, the only thing that bugged me was his character's face was Mr Incredible from The Incredibles.
Was Casey (April's boyfriend?), Casey Jones from the cartoon? If so they totally got his mask and face wrong.
The whole "capturing 13 monsters and putting them in cases" seemed a bit too much like the plot from the original Blade movie. April was never the martial artist, I guess because Buffy the Vampire Slayer was playing her voice she insisted the character could defend herself. The whole point of April was she kept getting into trouble like a Doctor Who assistant so the Turtles could save her from what ever danger she had gotten into. The film does look very pretty, the character renderings are on the whole pretty good (Splinter doesn't quite look old enough, sorry) and the Turtles are OK. This probably cost a lot to make and took a lot of people a lot of time. But it just isn't good enough, live action will always beat CGI.
Where this film suffers is not having a very well known main villain, like Shredder or Krang. The "Spiderman" homage where Leo chases Raph is pretty cool, and it was also nice to see Turtle versus Turtle in a 1 on one fight. The whole argument between Raph & Leo is very Star Wars (think Luke Versus Vader in Return Of the Jedi). Raph has almost become the thing he hates the most, it's all very "Dark Side of The Force" stuff. If you look hard, all sorts of other films are referenced in this. From Soylent Green (transporting things in garbage trucks), to The Punisher, Daredevil, Blade, Dark Man & even Highlander & Kill Bill (April's yellow outfit, almost identical to The Bride's.
The Stone baddies at the end were a bit too much like Gargoyles or Transformers. All in all, it's a decent enough movie but could have been much better. The ending is a bit too much like something out of Ghostbusters I did enjoy this. The Turtles will always be cool. Oh, and Winter's death scene - Shades of Lawnmower Man.
The monsters in their "Armour" looked like something out of Warhammer 3000. I did enjoy seeing April but Sarah Michelle Geller wasn't the right voice for her (why couldn't they have hired the original cartoon voice of April?). Patrick Stewart made an excellent villain voice too, the only thing that bugged me was his character's face was Mr Incredible from The Incredibles.
Was Casey (April's boyfriend?), Casey Jones from the cartoon? If so they totally got his mask and face wrong.
The whole "capturing 13 monsters and putting them in cases" seemed a bit too much like the plot from the original Blade movie. April was never the martial artist, I guess because Buffy the Vampire Slayer was playing her voice she insisted the character could defend herself. The whole point of April was she kept getting into trouble like a Doctor Who assistant so the Turtles could save her from what ever danger she had gotten into. The film does look very pretty, the character renderings are on the whole pretty good (Splinter doesn't quite look old enough, sorry) and the Turtles are OK. This probably cost a lot to make and took a lot of people a lot of time. But it just isn't good enough, live action will always beat CGI.
Where this film suffers is not having a very well known main villain, like Shredder or Krang. The "Spiderman" homage where Leo chases Raph is pretty cool, and it was also nice to see Turtle versus Turtle in a 1 on one fight. The whole argument between Raph & Leo is very Star Wars (think Luke Versus Vader in Return Of the Jedi). Raph has almost become the thing he hates the most, it's all very "Dark Side of The Force" stuff. If you look hard, all sorts of other films are referenced in this. From Soylent Green (transporting things in garbage trucks), to The Punisher, Daredevil, Blade, Dark Man & even Highlander & Kill Bill (April's yellow outfit, almost identical to The Bride's.
The Stone baddies at the end were a bit too much like Gargoyles or Transformers. All in all, it's a decent enough movie but could have been much better. The ending is a bit too much like something out of Ghostbusters I did enjoy this. The Turtles will always be cool. Oh, and Winter's death scene - Shades of Lawnmower Man.
Movie Review - The Time Machine
This is an excellent film. If you've seen the remake and haven't seen this then watch it. If you haven't seen the remake then watch this first. Rod Taylor plays George (HG Wells middle name!) who creates a machine that can travel through time and he wishes to see how man has fared through the ages and to see what he can learn from our future. At first he travels a little forward to just past the 1st world war, then to the 1960's where we are having an atomic war.
His final big jump is to the future of the eloi and the morlocks. where half of man had lived underground and become the cannibal morlocks and the rest had stayed above ground and became the innocent carefree eloi. this film has an excellent ending and we are left to wonder which 3 books he has taken back to the future and if he will ever return.
Movie Review - Thunderpants
Ignore the Plot! Play "Spot The Mini!". The 2 main boys are brilliant. Ignore the darn plot, just play Spot the Mini in each scene. See if you can see any other car (Apart from the Limo) other than green mini's. There are various issues that are howling mistakes in the film, which really annoy me.
An 11 year old boy isn't going to be arrested for murder. He certainly isn't going to be tried in a different country from where he "committed" the offense. He sure as hell isn't going to be executed in England. He's a minor for god's sake! And not by bloody firing squad either. This is only for military prisoners during war-time. England's death penalty was abolished in the 50's. And that was death by hanging. I don't know of ANY space agency that will send a 1 person mission to rescue people. And certainly not with a child!
The film is basically a bit of harmless garbage. The backgrounds are pretty good, the flats where they live, the school and the interiors are all wonderful. Just watch it and play Spot The Mini, that's the most fun way to pass the time during the film.
An 11 year old boy isn't going to be arrested for murder. He certainly isn't going to be tried in a different country from where he "committed" the offense. He sure as hell isn't going to be executed in England. He's a minor for god's sake! And not by bloody firing squad either. This is only for military prisoners during war-time. England's death penalty was abolished in the 50's. And that was death by hanging. I don't know of ANY space agency that will send a 1 person mission to rescue people. And certainly not with a child!
The film is basically a bit of harmless garbage. The backgrounds are pretty good, the flats where they live, the school and the interiors are all wonderful. Just watch it and play Spot The Mini, that's the most fun way to pass the time during the film.
Movie Review - This Is England
In sections this film is incredibly difficult to watch. And the reason for that is it's so accurate. The guy playing combat must have known skinheads as a kid and he's right on the mark. All the actors in this are amazing. The costumes are spot on, everyone looks authentic eighties.
Shaun is like so many boys I know and I can totally relate to him (though I was a 2-tone rude boy myself, not a skinhead) I do struggle to watch certain parts as it is so close to reality.
I knew people like this, I grew up with people like this. I lived on an estate like this, I went to school with people like this. It's not just close to correct, it's correct. Watch this and love it.
Movie Review - The Thirteenth Floor
OK, take a film like the matrix. a guy discovers an amazing secret and hides it in a computer simulation. then gets killed. then one of the simulated people reads the message that tells him he's in a simulation, and he gets ticked off about it. he goes and has a look and finds the end of his world, where the simulation expires. the murder is investigated and looks like an open & shut case. then in the real world someone goes and has a look, and finds the end of his world. he's in a simulation as well. in the 1st ever simulation that has created a simulation inside it.
it's pretty wild. Vincent d'onofrio is excellent. he gets pretty typecast in films. he plays 2 characters - a barman and a computer programmer. and he gets hijacked by a user. and ends up dead. over all it's a lot like the matrix and many other films that question the reality in which we live. i like it.
the lead actor is rubbish. Vincent is excellent as always
it's pretty wild. Vincent d'onofrio is excellent. he gets pretty typecast in films. he plays 2 characters - a barman and a computer programmer. and he gets hijacked by a user. and ends up dead. over all it's a lot like the matrix and many other films that question the reality in which we live. i like it.
the lead actor is rubbish. Vincent is excellent as always
Movie Review - The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
its not going to get a high rating (2/10) as it's so bad. the film does tie up loose ends from the remake of the original, things like how leather-face (real name Thomas Hewitt!) came to be, how r. lee ermy became sheriff (he killed the previous sheriff). the kids that end up getting killed are 2 guys going to Vietnam (the film is set in 1969) and their girlfriends.
In a generally awful movie (so bad i watched most of it on fast forward) this brought nothing to the Texas chainsaw massacre franchise. Awful beyond belief. Tobe Hooper, stop making films now and forever, please?
In a generally awful movie (so bad i watched most of it on fast forward) this brought nothing to the Texas chainsaw massacre franchise. Awful beyond belief. Tobe Hooper, stop making films now and forever, please?
Movie Review - The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (remake)
it's the 70's, kids on a road-trip have bought drugs over the border. meet a girl walking (down the road in a catatonic state) from an unknown danger who kills herself in their van. the kids meet the local sheriff at some copper mill & Jedediah, some greasy little kid. a guy letting some of the kids call the sheriff tries it on with one girl, and her male friend comes to explore & gets killed by leatherface. sheriff shows up at the mill and is horrible. this film is very much about what you think you see, not what you actually see.
the car with it's horn jammed is a distraction from the kids van for a reason, the kid in glasses doing the fake scare is rubbish, you can tell he's faking. 2 of them go back to the danger house, the boy sneaks inside the house looking for his missing friend. the kids are clearly in more danger from the sheriff than Leatherface. no way would the kid on the meathook be able to pull it out of his own body while he was hanging on it. taking the arrested boy to the danger house shows the sheriff is involved, I assume Jedadiah loosened their tires while they were checking the jammed horn.
leatherface when he attacks the girls in the van is wearing the face of the 1st boy to be taken, the call the sheriff made was sent to leatherface. the 2 women in the trailer are weird and must know Leatherface, you assume the tea she's offered is drugged. them saying the tea will help her relax is a give-away there. which it is, she wakes up in the house with one of the woman and the sheriff, Jedediah calls her grandma, leatherface is HER son. they say leatherface is kind. everyone else is evil for teasing him. he hasn't got a NOSE! the fact that leatherface doesn't kill the final girl right away is also a give away that she's going to live.
the 2nd boy on the meat-hook could have put his feet on top of the piano and pushed himself off the hook. we weren't shown the piano earlier, mistake/goof? You can't tell if Jedadiah is trying to help her and Morgan or suckering them into another trap (which it seems like to me). Them running into an abandoned house like place where he carves an X in the door (a reference to Freddy or Jason?) and she hides him in a closet and hides in a crawl space herself.
Oh, and how can a chainsaw keep running when it's dropped (I'd have assume the engine would stop right away). leatherface kills the boy after hanging him from a chandelier (again, you see nothing you just think you do) and of course it's the final chase of the last living girl by leather-face.
leatherface hits his thigh with chainsaw (isn't that the femoral artery?), he should die in a few minutes. he isn't going to chasing her after that little injury. and chasing to the slaughterhouse (no, he'd have bled to death by then). her going into the freezer. And you can actually see it isn't physically cold in there (her nipples aren't hard and they really should be in a freezer), she doesn't get goosebumps and she's only wearing a thin vest top.
She obviously isn't getting very wet with the sprinklers on, her top should either go see through or cling to her like a second skin and reveal her bra. After running from him for so long and successfully hiding in a locker why does she try to attract his attention. the moving locker obviously had a pig in it, so she could attack him from behind with the meat cleaver she picked up. (there is a very brief scene where you can clearly see him with one arm inside his top wearing the artificial arm she cut half off. with 1 arm cut off AND a femoral injury he's going to bleed to death or go into shock. he isn't going to carry on chasing anyone with a damn chainsaw. And even in the tipping, pouring rain her top isn't very wet.
she gets a lift from a trucker and she mirrors the way their own hitch hiker acted (and now you understand why). the trucker tries the diner for help (and the old lady calls the sheriff "junior" so you know he is part of their murderous family). she steals his car and you think she's killed the sheriff knocking him down but she definitely does by backing up over him and driving back over him a 3rd time. the scare where leather-ace attacks the stolen police car is pointless. she drives away from him & the chainsaw is revving. HOW? Leatherface has one hand, this is IMPOSSIBLE! cut back to the movie, the state police investigating the crime scene, the Hewitt house (danger house) and the final predictable scare is them getting attacked by leatherface with a voice over leaving things open enough to make a sequel of this dire and awful remake.
the car with it's horn jammed is a distraction from the kids van for a reason, the kid in glasses doing the fake scare is rubbish, you can tell he's faking. 2 of them go back to the danger house, the boy sneaks inside the house looking for his missing friend. the kids are clearly in more danger from the sheriff than Leatherface. no way would the kid on the meathook be able to pull it out of his own body while he was hanging on it. taking the arrested boy to the danger house shows the sheriff is involved, I assume Jedadiah loosened their tires while they were checking the jammed horn.
leatherface when he attacks the girls in the van is wearing the face of the 1st boy to be taken, the call the sheriff made was sent to leatherface. the 2 women in the trailer are weird and must know Leatherface, you assume the tea she's offered is drugged. them saying the tea will help her relax is a give-away there. which it is, she wakes up in the house with one of the woman and the sheriff, Jedediah calls her grandma, leatherface is HER son. they say leatherface is kind. everyone else is evil for teasing him. he hasn't got a NOSE! the fact that leatherface doesn't kill the final girl right away is also a give away that she's going to live.
the 2nd boy on the meat-hook could have put his feet on top of the piano and pushed himself off the hook. we weren't shown the piano earlier, mistake/goof? You can't tell if Jedadiah is trying to help her and Morgan or suckering them into another trap (which it seems like to me). Them running into an abandoned house like place where he carves an X in the door (a reference to Freddy or Jason?) and she hides him in a closet and hides in a crawl space herself.
Oh, and how can a chainsaw keep running when it's dropped (I'd have assume the engine would stop right away). leatherface kills the boy after hanging him from a chandelier (again, you see nothing you just think you do) and of course it's the final chase of the last living girl by leather-face.
leatherface hits his thigh with chainsaw (isn't that the femoral artery?), he should die in a few minutes. he isn't going to chasing her after that little injury. and chasing to the slaughterhouse (no, he'd have bled to death by then). her going into the freezer. And you can actually see it isn't physically cold in there (her nipples aren't hard and they really should be in a freezer), she doesn't get goosebumps and she's only wearing a thin vest top.
She obviously isn't getting very wet with the sprinklers on, her top should either go see through or cling to her like a second skin and reveal her bra. After running from him for so long and successfully hiding in a locker why does she try to attract his attention. the moving locker obviously had a pig in it, so she could attack him from behind with the meat cleaver she picked up. (there is a very brief scene where you can clearly see him with one arm inside his top wearing the artificial arm she cut half off. with 1 arm cut off AND a femoral injury he's going to bleed to death or go into shock. he isn't going to carry on chasing anyone with a damn chainsaw. And even in the tipping, pouring rain her top isn't very wet.
she gets a lift from a trucker and she mirrors the way their own hitch hiker acted (and now you understand why). the trucker tries the diner for help (and the old lady calls the sheriff "junior" so you know he is part of their murderous family). she steals his car and you think she's killed the sheriff knocking him down but she definitely does by backing up over him and driving back over him a 3rd time. the scare where leather-ace attacks the stolen police car is pointless. she drives away from him & the chainsaw is revving. HOW? Leatherface has one hand, this is IMPOSSIBLE! cut back to the movie, the state police investigating the crime scene, the Hewitt house (danger house) and the final predictable scare is them getting attacked by leatherface with a voice over leaving things open enough to make a sequel of this dire and awful remake.
Movie Review - Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines
It gets a 4/10 for the special effects only! This film starts by making basic mistakes & then progresses to bigger & bigger howlers. Let's see. Mistake number 1. The T-X. Right well X = 10. The last bad guy was a T1000. So she's a lower rated model than him then ? Any wonder when she materializes in the window of a clothes shop she ignores the abundance of clothes around her. Also it looks like she's in Rodeo Drive. And she still can't see clothes so she has to rob someone? And the person she robs just happens to be her exact size? Odds of that? Not really going to happen is it? Then the next mistake. She's looking for the lieutenants. So she accesses school records by phone (as these are supposed to be secure under the Data Protection Act it'd be unlikely their kept on a server that has dial-up access.)
Then to compound that mistake she manages to locate where they work from their High School records? Wouldn't it have been easier for them to have had her accessing the IRS or DMV records. DMV as they would have a more recent picture than their high school, then IRS as it'd show where their paying income tax. She identifies Jose with a badge id and she scans his eye. Why? Like his High School records had retina information on them? No, I truly think not. Then she shoots him 4 times. The most advanced model can't kill with 1 shot from 5 feet? She must be an older model then. Then Arnie can't decide which model his robot is. Is he a T101 or a T800? Make your mind up Arnold! Also why John avoids the deer, he's an idiot. Why hurt yourself, at that speed you would have barely wobbled when you hit the deer.
He seems to get a ride OK, but you'd think anyone giving him a ride would take him to a hospital. He could give a fake name and address, pay for his treatment in cash. He wouldn't appear on the grid by doing that. Another overlooked mistake. So why does the logic driven T-X go to Kate's work address at 5am? Like she's going to be working at that time in the morning. Really logical, isn't it! And again when she kills the cat lady, she fires 5 or 6 shots. An advanced killing machine that can't kill with 1 bullet? Even when Arnie said in the last film he had detailed files on human anatomy. The next chase sequence where the sun seems to rise very fast is lifted wholesale from Terminator 2. It's far too similar, showing lack of creativity. Having the Doctor from Terminator 1 & 2 shows a nice bit of continuity.
And the T-X killing Kate's boyfriend is just like the T1000 killing John's foster parents. Not a new idea. I had to double take and think when I saw the T-X dressed as Kate (she pulls her out of the truck near the start, that's when she touches her. Where she could have easily killed her as well). Also the fact that this multi-million dollar US Government secure installation, Kate gets into a seemingly very high security area so easily? I think not. And that they don't seem to have any bespoke Anti-virus software or any contingency plans for a virus or a system collapse? Like a back-up system, or the ability to kill all operations without using Skynet? Give me a break!
The whole magnet thing was utter garbage. If the T-X was being subjected to high levels of magnetism she'd shut down. Computers and chips don't like magnets! And how did Arnie get to the surface without passing the magnet? Wouldn't the T-X use a safer route as well as she's a newer model (just another indication that she isn't the latest model). Also why Kate isn't starting up the plane as John is clearing everything from the ground. The World's about to end and their on a dead-line and she's taking her time, why? I'll assume the T-X learns where they are going from Arnie's memory when she re-programs him. Now he's in the helicopter with her so why he doesn't try and blow her up while their in flight? And she found a helicopter already with fuel in it? The end of the film is pretty dire.
Skynet has gotten itself into computers so there's no core. No Big deal. It just started a Nuclear War! When bombs drop you get EMP (Electro Magnetic Pulse) That fries computers. The only systems that would then hold Skynet would be in the bunkers where the humans are hiding. All that means is they yank their power for a few vital seconds and then the only place Skynet could still be, is in the satellites. No worries. Just never build anything that uses those frequencies or fire a few missiles into space at them. Or get whoever is in the International Space Station to shut them down. Then NO Skynet.
That's the biggest mistake of the film, none of the writers seem to know what would happen to computers and databases after a nuclear attack. Piece of cake. The so-called "inevitable" has just been derailed by me very easily. In a matter of moments, because I bothered to use my brain.
Nick Stahl was rubbish. Arnie was fair to middling. Kristina Lokken was awful. Clare Danes was utterly awful. This film could have been so much better. Shame it wasn't. Hopefully the script writers read these reviews? Learn about EMP boys?
Then to compound that mistake she manages to locate where they work from their High School records? Wouldn't it have been easier for them to have had her accessing the IRS or DMV records. DMV as they would have a more recent picture than their high school, then IRS as it'd show where their paying income tax. She identifies Jose with a badge id and she scans his eye. Why? Like his High School records had retina information on them? No, I truly think not. Then she shoots him 4 times. The most advanced model can't kill with 1 shot from 5 feet? She must be an older model then. Then Arnie can't decide which model his robot is. Is he a T101 or a T800? Make your mind up Arnold! Also why John avoids the deer, he's an idiot. Why hurt yourself, at that speed you would have barely wobbled when you hit the deer.
He seems to get a ride OK, but you'd think anyone giving him a ride would take him to a hospital. He could give a fake name and address, pay for his treatment in cash. He wouldn't appear on the grid by doing that. Another overlooked mistake. So why does the logic driven T-X go to Kate's work address at 5am? Like she's going to be working at that time in the morning. Really logical, isn't it! And again when she kills the cat lady, she fires 5 or 6 shots. An advanced killing machine that can't kill with 1 bullet? Even when Arnie said in the last film he had detailed files on human anatomy. The next chase sequence where the sun seems to rise very fast is lifted wholesale from Terminator 2. It's far too similar, showing lack of creativity. Having the Doctor from Terminator 1 & 2 shows a nice bit of continuity.
And the T-X killing Kate's boyfriend is just like the T1000 killing John's foster parents. Not a new idea. I had to double take and think when I saw the T-X dressed as Kate (she pulls her out of the truck near the start, that's when she touches her. Where she could have easily killed her as well). Also the fact that this multi-million dollar US Government secure installation, Kate gets into a seemingly very high security area so easily? I think not. And that they don't seem to have any bespoke Anti-virus software or any contingency plans for a virus or a system collapse? Like a back-up system, or the ability to kill all operations without using Skynet? Give me a break!
The whole magnet thing was utter garbage. If the T-X was being subjected to high levels of magnetism she'd shut down. Computers and chips don't like magnets! And how did Arnie get to the surface without passing the magnet? Wouldn't the T-X use a safer route as well as she's a newer model (just another indication that she isn't the latest model). Also why Kate isn't starting up the plane as John is clearing everything from the ground. The World's about to end and their on a dead-line and she's taking her time, why? I'll assume the T-X learns where they are going from Arnie's memory when she re-programs him. Now he's in the helicopter with her so why he doesn't try and blow her up while their in flight? And she found a helicopter already with fuel in it? The end of the film is pretty dire.
Skynet has gotten itself into computers so there's no core. No Big deal. It just started a Nuclear War! When bombs drop you get EMP (Electro Magnetic Pulse) That fries computers. The only systems that would then hold Skynet would be in the bunkers where the humans are hiding. All that means is they yank their power for a few vital seconds and then the only place Skynet could still be, is in the satellites. No worries. Just never build anything that uses those frequencies or fire a few missiles into space at them. Or get whoever is in the International Space Station to shut them down. Then NO Skynet.
That's the biggest mistake of the film, none of the writers seem to know what would happen to computers and databases after a nuclear attack. Piece of cake. The so-called "inevitable" has just been derailed by me very easily. In a matter of moments, because I bothered to use my brain.
Nick Stahl was rubbish. Arnie was fair to middling. Kristina Lokken was awful. Clare Danes was utterly awful. This film could have been so much better. Shame it wasn't. Hopefully the script writers read these reviews? Learn about EMP boys?
Movie Review - The Terminator
Not Only Stolen from Harry Harrison! Someone sent back from the future to the past by murderous robots intent on total domination to kill someone to make sure a future event happens but by going back in time they make that event happen.
Try Doctor Who - Day Of The Daleks.
That's basically the exact plot of that episode made in 1975. Why hasn't Terrance Dicks sued James Cameron & Gale Ann Hurd as well? They stole his idea - BBC America may have been airing Dr Who and Cameron thought it was a good idea and stole it.
Have a soldier trying to protect the woman who will be the mother of the man who leads the rebels against the robots. The Dr Who version is some terrorists try to assassinate a man who they think has started a war which lets the Daleks invade Earth dead easy. Another idea stolen from someone else. The film is the classic nightmare of being chased by someone trying to kill you but you don't know why. Elements of Frankenstein, the monster built and never rests and is almost impossible to stop in its mission. Why did no-one try a rocket launcher or a few grenades, or even a high power taser or anything to deliver an electric shock. Once the robot has taken a shot of EMF his CPU would be screwed. End of film. People never see the easy solution, do they?
Try Doctor Who - Day Of The Daleks.
That's basically the exact plot of that episode made in 1975. Why hasn't Terrance Dicks sued James Cameron & Gale Ann Hurd as well? They stole his idea - BBC America may have been airing Dr Who and Cameron thought it was a good idea and stole it.
Have a soldier trying to protect the woman who will be the mother of the man who leads the rebels against the robots. The Dr Who version is some terrorists try to assassinate a man who they think has started a war which lets the Daleks invade Earth dead easy. Another idea stolen from someone else. The film is the classic nightmare of being chased by someone trying to kill you but you don't know why. Elements of Frankenstein, the monster built and never rests and is almost impossible to stop in its mission. Why did no-one try a rocket launcher or a few grenades, or even a high power taser or anything to deliver an electric shock. Once the robot has taken a shot of EMF his CPU would be screwed. End of film. People never see the easy solution, do they?
Movie Review - The Terminal Man
George Segal plays a man who has had an accident and suffered some sort of cranial injury (I'm sorry Micheal Crichton, It really isn't explained well enough in my opinion). He is then subjected to a pioneering new medical treatment previously only ever tried on monkeys. This is where the film falls down. Has Micheal never heard of all the testing, trials and licensing procedures that drugs and medical procedures have to go through. So basically the entire idea for the plot is scuppered right away before the movie even really gets a chance to start. The film pursues the idea anyway, and Segal has a micro implant into his brain to control impulses that cause him want to kill.
Yep, of course it fails and the implant starts giving him the impulses. Segal escapes the hospital after his operation (how is he even able to do anything after major surgery on his brain?) he starts having attacks and kills his girlfriend and runs off on a frenetic killing frenzy. his implant is being monitored and the scientists are able to predict when he will strike but not where. (surely the nuclear implant would have been traceable?) finally after killing a priest Segal thinks about killing himself and finds himself in a cemetery (didn't understand how he got here either) and falls into an open grave but is carrying a pistol. he has a seemingly fatal fit but is near catatonic - not dead. the police kill him despite the fact he has dropped his gun (the marksman would have seen this through his telescopic sight and LEGALLY could not fire his weapon so he committed murder) and the end is very bad and totally impossible to understand. are they planning to try this procedure again with another prisoner? weird but strangely watchable like THX-1138.
Yep, of course it fails and the implant starts giving him the impulses. Segal escapes the hospital after his operation (how is he even able to do anything after major surgery on his brain?) he starts having attacks and kills his girlfriend and runs off on a frenetic killing frenzy. his implant is being monitored and the scientists are able to predict when he will strike but not where. (surely the nuclear implant would have been traceable?) finally after killing a priest Segal thinks about killing himself and finds himself in a cemetery (didn't understand how he got here either) and falls into an open grave but is carrying a pistol. he has a seemingly fatal fit but is near catatonic - not dead. the police kill him despite the fact he has dropped his gun (the marksman would have seen this through his telescopic sight and LEGALLY could not fire his weapon so he committed murder) and the end is very bad and totally impossible to understand. are they planning to try this procedure again with another prisoner? weird but strangely watchable like THX-1138.
Movie Review - Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny
I want to start by saying I am A HUGE Tenacious D fan. Loved the HBO stuff, I own both albums & the other DVD. This film has some of the D's history but there just aren't enough new ideas to keep it going. The simple idea that rock groups are good because they use a pick that was part of Satan is OK. the trip to find the pick is far too easy and should involve more things happening on their journey. What makes this film are some excellent cameo's from Meatloaf as young JB's dad and Dave Grohl as Satan. There is a lot that old D fans will know about and there's enough to introduce new people to the tenacious d lore and history.
Some of the deleted scenes (like the song in the gun shop) were taken out and it was a mistake as it screwed up bits of the context of the film. The songs all fit well into the process of the movie but as i said i do wish there was more happening as the trip to the roll & roll history museum is just far too easy. even the nod to The Blues Brothers with the car chase on the way back to the gig which they never play anyway. i would like to have seen the original ending to see if it was better than this one. (having now seen the original ending, it really wasn't much better than the ending they used. It was just a different version of the rock off). not as good as it could have been, i'd have rather waited for a better film than this.
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